Welcome to The Pompous Post™

Welcome to The Pompous Post™ — Satire for the Soulfully Unhinged

Greetings, traveler. If you’ve somehow wandered into this digital cul-de-sac of comedic commentary by accident, fear not... you are among friends. Possibly disturbed friends, yes… but still friends. You have stumbled into a corner of the internet where logic takes a backseat, sarcasm rides shotgun, and satire drives directly into traffic. Seatbelts are voluntary!

Allow us to introduce ourselves:

We are The Pompous Post™ — a barely functioning news(we use the term loosely) desk of satirical proportions, a sacred temple to all things absurd, ironic, and dangerously overthought. The only virtual publication of its kind... Answering the big questions like, “What if Kombucha is a government plot”. Then proceed to answer it with unofficial facts and flare! Think of us this way...If the internet is a buffet, we are that suspicious casserole in the corner, that somehow slaps you away and hisses like a cat as you reach for a piece. And now, we’ve arrived on Vocal Media… With questionable timing, questionable formatting, and even more questionable motives.

You’re welcome, you can thank us later.

What is The Pompous Post™?

We are a combination of; rebellious satirical lovechild, a low-budget philosophy professor with a caffeine addiction, and that uncle who tells the truth way too loudly at Thanksgiving dinner.

We tackle the biggest topics, like:

* How to manifest a better life using expired condiments.

* Why doom-scrolling is a form of meditation.

* The untold gospel of bare minimum productivity.

Unsolicited life advice from Carl the Possum, who lives behind a gas station and may or may not have mystical powers.(respect the Carl)

We blend satire, social commentary, absurdist philosophy, and whatever was floating in the back of the fridge; into bite-sized articles that will either enlighten you or give you heartburn. Possibly both!

When Do We Post?

We are so glad you asked, actual reader; who is definitely a carbon-based lifeform, and not us talking to ourselves. (wink-wink, nudge-nudge)

We currently post twice a week:

Tuesdays – Our main event article drops. These are polished, absurdist rants forged in the fires of late-night brain spirals.

Thursdays – A bonus blast of ridiculousness: a fake advice column, a satirical list, or something that got cut from a public-school curriculum for being “too absurd, too weird, or too funny.”

In between, you may catch us lurking on Threads or Substack Notes, tossing one-liners and poorly drawn stick-figure prophecies in the sand.

What Can You Expect?

Expect pomp and circumstance......and chaos. But controlled chaos, like a raccoon in a tuxedo....in a dumpster.

Expect:

Satirical deep dives, that make you laugh first and cry later.

Fake historical timelines that feel suspiciously real.

Satirical job tips like “Start a podcast no one asked for and monetize your regret”.

Warnings from the future. Probably involving AI toasters.

You’ll never be bored. You may be confused and reevaluating your life choices, but boredom? Never...

Where Else Can You Find Us?

If you survive this post and whisper, “I need more,” then by all means — subscribe to The Pompous Post™ on Substack :

👉 https://thepompouspost.substack.com/

It’s where all the good stuff lives. Full archives, subscriber perks, and exclusive access to Carl’s weird prophecies.

Final Words Before the Internet Strikes Us Down

We aren’t here to go viral. We’re here to go fungal — to spread slowly, weirdly, and uncomfortably, across your intellectual surfaces until you can no longer escape our satirical spores.

So stay tuned. Stay unhinged. Stay weird.

And most importantly:

“Blessed are the idle, for they shall inherit the long lunch break.” – The Gospel of Bare Minimum, Chapter 1, Verse 2

See you on the other side of the nonsense, meat-bags.

We’re just getting started.