Up Is Down, So Bottom’s Up

The date is approaching. January 20th, 2025 — as in ‘Project 2025’. The Inauguration of the 47th President of the United States!

But you're a good citizen. And, after all, this is history. In order to view the telecast of Trump’s first (and certainly not the last) day of self-declared dictatorship, it’s natural to go with…

An Inauguration Drinking Game! - the perfect mid-point tune-up between the holidays and the Super Bowl for your liver to stay in top form.

No doubt, Donald Trump will be reading a scrupulously sculpted speech off a teleprompter. At least that’s the best laid plan. But, well, there’s his history. His Royal Batshitness will no doubt be drunk on the ego-hooch of finally, actually winning an election, so he and the event could all go majestically free-range. Time to belly up bigly, my friend.

Below are the rules. 
 Our disclaimer: please DRINK RESPONSIBLY-ish.

Have a sip of your drink…

- If there is NOT a lightning strike when Trump places his left hand on the Bible to be sworn in.

- If there IS a lightning strike, and Democrats are immediately blamed.

- If Trump is wearing a red tie. (Available for $125 at www.trumpstore.com)

- Each time Trump tugs on his right ear for sympathy.

- If Trump makes any coherent policy reference, whether true, false, boast, or misquote.*

- Each time the broadcast cuts to a crowd shot of the Q-Anon Shaman (horns and shirtless fur vest required).

- If Don Jr. appears onstage in a full native-American headdress (soon to be available at www.trumpstore.com).

- Each time they cut to Bernie Sanders wearing his same 2016 mittens.

*The determination of what is ‘policy’ or ‘coherent’ is up to everyone at your gathering, likely to inspire lively party discourse, camaraderie, or threats in a final salute to the concept of democracy.

Finish your drink if…

- A verifiable fact slips out during the speech.

- The telecast cuts to Adam Schiff, Chuck Schumer, Liz Cheney, Dick Cheney, or Nancy Pelosi weeping openly.

- There is any reference made to crowd size (of any event or year).

- Consume half of your next drink if his ‘crowd size’ rant lasts for more than 10 minutes.

- If Don Jr. (in above headdress) leads the crowd in an impromptu Tomahawk Chop to its repeated pentatonic chant. One sip from the next drink for each minute it continues (up to one hour).

- In an oddly sincere tribute, Trump leads an In Memoriam segment to honor Ruth Bader Ginsburg, thanking her ‘for her grit’ and ‘hanging in there’.

- Trump nominates Elon Musk to a second cabinet position to not only head DOGE, but also its just-created, sister agency, the Department of Redundancy Department.

A shot of vodka**…

- For each negative reference to NATO - or any NATO country.

- For each mention of Putin, Omar al-Bashir, Kim Jong-il, or any on that list of ‘friends'.

- For each mention of pets being eaten, or that pets will now be safe.

- If Melania is reported during the telecast to be anywhere in the US.

- A second vodka shot if she’s in attendance.

- A third shot if her expression is described by a commentator as ‘not scowling’.

- If Trump pauses the speech to post on X.

- Add a second shot if he decrees a bathroom break to post from his throne.

Finish the bottle** if…

- An extended, swaying dance organically breaks out onstage to a version of Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’.

- Add an extra shot if the version used is Jon Bon Jovi’s.

- Add another extra shot if a MAGA disco ball (soon to be available at www.trumpstore.com) is incorporated before the song ends.

- Social Security, Medicare, Unemployment Compensation, and SNAP are terminated before the telecast signs off.

- During the speech and by executive order, Trump changes the national anthem from the Star Spangled Banner to Louie Louie, using the logic that ‘nobody’s known the words to either song, but this new one is easier to sing and dance to’.

**We suggest using the bottle of Trump Vodka you’ve forgotten about in your garage, under the three inches of dust and discarded debris you’ve been meaning to take to the dump since 2015. A bottle of Covfefe Tequila is an acceptable substitute.

So there it is: A remedy for 1/20/25. Check back for some updated game rules to survive 1/21/25 thru 1/20/29 and beyond. We will do our best to keep the substances legal. But no guarantees.