That Bounty Commercial

Have you seen that Bounty Commercial? The one where retired football player Rob Gronkowski, and now… what is he, an analyst slash fun personality?... sneaks up behind people who are eating wings and wipes the sauce off their faces for them. It’s a funny commercial. And a great idea, having a mouth wiper for all your sauces. Um.

Anyway, Gronk says something like, “Bounty’s got you covered.” Seems innocent enough. Except I watched it a second time, and the conspiracy their alarm bells started to go off. There is something up with this commercial.

Did you notice who the two people are in the commercial? The two people whom he wipes the sauce off their faces? They’re two retired football players. Which makes total sense, Gronk is in it, retired football player. The spot coincides well with football. But it’s not just that it’s more football players that concerns me, it’s which players.

So, if you’re going to have a commercial with Gronk, great job. He’s hilarious and extremely recognizable. If you’re going to get two more football players in the commercial, there are a lot of options. Off the top of my head I thought of… Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce. Both are current players, wildly popular, and have both been in plenty of commercials and have the necessary acting chops to be able to be “funny for an athlete.”

If they didn’t want to go with Mahomes and Kelce, they could have gone with Peyton and Eli… the Manning brothers. Both also have tons of experience with commercials, both extremely recognizable even in their retirement, you can’t turn on ESPN and not see them. Both also find themselves among the top of the list of best acting athletes who can be funny too.

OK, you don’t want to go with them, how about, I don’t know, Tom Brady and Julian Edelman??? Also check off all the same boxes as the other two pairs I mentioned… plus… they were Gronk’s teammates! Anyway, you might be thinking, what’s the big deal? So, they didn’t choose any of those pairs of players and they chose a different pair. Who cares?

I’d agree. If the pair wasn’t…

… Reggie Bush and Drew Brees.

OK, Reggie Bush, I’d argue, maybe the least recognizable of all the athletes I’d mentioned. But highly recognizable. He was an amazing player, and he still does commercials now. It makes sense.

Drew Brees. Excellent player. Retired. Um… I don’t think I’ve seen Drew Brees in a national commercial since… maybe… six years ago??? He isn’t like Manning and Brady I don’t think. But he’s one of the best quarterbacks that’s ever stepped on the football field. Still, weird choice. However, he and Bush were teammates and won a Super Bowl together, so that makes sense.

But when did they win a Super Bowl? After the 2009 season, in 2010. An interesting year, because it was the first year of a several year stint with defensive coordinator Gregg Williams who implemented what?

A BOUNTY PROGRAM!

Yes, do you remember hearing about the worst scandal to ever rock the NFL? Bounty Gate, they called it.

Drew Brees and Reggie Bush were not involved as they were on the offense, but their defense was largely involved. Bounties were placed on players and defenders on the Saints tried to hurt them and knock them out of games. They earned extra cash if they knocked players out for the entirety of a game, which usually meant they had purposely inflicted a semi-serious injury.

The Saints were a great team that year that they won the Super Bowl. Mainly their offense. Their defense was OK. They made up for it by being violent and knocking opponents out of the games. A lot of people think the team wouldn’t have won the Super Bowl if not for the Bounty Program run by the defense.

It’s the one Super Bowl the legendary Drew Brees has. Thank Goodness for him he actually won one, otherwise he’d be one of those amazing quarterbacks who never got it done. What a sigh of relief for Brees when he got it. Don’t worry Brees, “Bounty’s got you covered!”

Ohhhhhh! Is that what it all means?! My conspiracy theory wheels are turning, it’s all too closely connected, it can’t be a mistake! It has to be on purpose. But what’s the why? Why would they do this?

And that’s when I lose interest. I have other more important projects to work on. I wasted enough time writing this, I can’t also go and put photographs up on a cork board and connect them with strands of yarn in order to decipher what it all means. It means something, I’m sure of that. The what, not sure. Don’t care enough. But I just wanted to put it out there, for anyone else who has the time, there’s something going on there.