Wit
A Very Honest Date. Top Story - December 2023.
The waitress was very fat and I did not like her hair, but she had a good attitude as she guided me to my seat. The restaurant was not full on a Friday, so I guessed that the concert next door was still on and that it would fill up with people who had terrible taste in music later (the group playing truly sucked). I knew that my name was on the reservation list, but I still had a twenty ready in case she gave me a hassle.
By Kendall Defoe 2 years ago in Humor
Go Speed Racer Go!!!!!!
I had another dream about my grandmother recently. She has been heavy on my mind heavily as of late and the fact it’s the holiday season doesn’t make matters any easier. I guess she figured that her grandbaby needed some comfort and resassurance about how things are going.
By Digital_FootPrint12122 years ago in Humor
Humorous Haikus. Top Story - December 2023.
It all started during the "Short & Sweet" challenge, as I sat counting both syllables and letters for my last-minute haikus. Remember how they granted an extension because of a technical difficulty on the final day? I wrote several during that time – haikus, that is – and while I was rushing to get them submitted, there my husband was, writing haiku after haiku while he lounged in bed, loudly mocking me. Counting on his fingers.
By Mackenzie Davis2 years ago in Humor
Of Mice, Men and Women — Who Is The Smartest?
“Whenever you fight with Chris, you come in here, looking frustrated. Dressing as if you didn’t look in the mirror before leaving your house and picking a fight with everyone,” Orella argued with Karoya as she pulled out the empty chair to her right.
By Annelise Lords 2 years ago in Humor
12 Super Quick Puzzles You Can Amuse Your Friends With
I saw a sports car rear-ending an ice cream van. I stopped to make sure the occupants weren’t injured. They were fine. The problem was the sports car had lodged itself under the ice cream van, and we couldn’t move them off the road. I phoned the police to attend and asked if there was anything else I could do.
By Malky McEwan2 years ago in Humor
Jesus Saves at Temple Market
Jesus Christ, lord and savior to tens of millions of Christians worldwide, reportedly saved big at the temple market during his last shopping trip there. Though he has been permanently banned from the market for disrupting business by violently turning over money changer's tables during previous visits he still shops there regularly in disguise. The son of God saved close to fifteen percent off of regular prices on fish heads, mulled wine, and bread loaves by buying them from the clearance rack at the back of the temple and not near the front entrance where they are generally found at much higher prices. After leaveing the store with almost 100 drachma remaining from his budget of 200 dinar Jesus was reportedly quite pleased with how much he had saved saying the following "They say give to Ceaser what is Ceaser's and give to God what is God's. Oh wait, I mean, I say that, or, I said that. Not sure exactly where I was going with that, but man did I save big today. I mean I saved a lot. Nice!" With that Jesus bowed his head, turned and walked away.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor
Deevolutionary Theory Proponents Point to Tennessee as Evidence
In a vigorous debate with evolutionary theorists this week, proponents of the competing theory of deevolution argued that the makeup of the current human population of Tennessee clearly supports the claims made by their theory, while at the same time standing in direct opposition to what traditional evolutionary theory would predict. Dr. Stephen Wandsworth a leading deevolutionary theorist said the following in a prepared statement at the close of the debate. "Our thorough analysis of both the phenotypic (appearance based) and genotypic (DNA sequence based) makeup of the current human population of Tennessee has vindicated deevolutionary theorists claims and laid bare the great weaknesses inherent in traditional evolutionary theory. For example, evolutionary theory claims that living beings continually improve themselves over time through the process of natural selection, with only the strongest and most well adapted surviving to reproduce another generation. They refer to this as survival of the fittest. In contrast, deevolutionary theory presents a competing hypothesis we call survival of the fattest. Deevolutionary theory and survival of the fattest predicts that only the most overweight, out of shape, and irresponsible will reproduce in high enough numbers to continue another generation. The current human population of Tennessee which features an overabundance of overweight, morbidly obese, and totally out of shape persons is clear evidence that survival of the fattest is the more accurate. On the genetic level we are seeing a reduction in both the total number of functional coding genes and a significant increase in single nucleotide polymorphisms (SNPs) and other mutations across large portions of the genome triggering serious and damaging changes in protein structure and function. As a result the physical appearance of the average Tennessee human has degraded significantly. Tennessee humans are now shorter, have lower IQs, less teeth, more diseases, and fewer boyfriend/girlfriend prospects than at any time since records have been kept. Yet, they continue to reproduce at a rapid clip and the level of irresponsible sexual matings between Tennesse males and females inlcuding out of wedlock, cousin and even brother sister pairings are at their highest levels ever. This is not something one would expect if evolutionary theory were an accurate representation of reality, deevolutionary theory however, predicts exactly these results. Both theories indidcate that superfluous organs and structures will be selected out over time however they differ greatly in terms of the importance each gives to various organ systems and structures. If evolutionary theory were correct Tennessee humans should have healthy teeth, and stand and walk upright with a straight gate, but instead we see a majority with very few teeth left, standing hunched over and favoring a sloping limping shuffle. When it comes to mate selection evolutionary theory and deevolutionary theory also differ greatly. Evolutionary theory argues that the female looks to reproduce with only the most fit males ensuring that her genes will be successfully carried on to the next generation. In contrast in deevolutionary theory a female looks to reproduce with males that will carry her jeans to the laundromat or buy her a pair of jeans or wear jean shorts. It is patently obvious that deevolutiary theory is more correct given the makeup of the current human population of Tennessee in which almost 9 out of 10 persons where jean shorts for the majority of days of every year. Given all the data it seems clear that at least when it comes to the human population of Tennessee, evolutionary theory is simply not correct. Deevolutionary theory, on the other hand, has been totally vindicated. The question we need to answer next is if Tennessee is but an outlier, or if other states will also show deevolutionary theory to have superior explanatory power. There are a few obvious cases, Kentucky and Alabama come to mind, but what we do not yet understand is which theory will prevail in more mainstream states like Ohio and Virginia. No matter, the results we have obtained so far represent nothing less than a paradigm shift in our understanding of human evpolution and deevolution." Ironically both theories share the distinction of being not believed in by 99% of the humans of Tennessee.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor
