Humorous Haikus

It all started during the "Short & Sweet" challenge, as I sat counting both syllables and letters for my last-minute haikus. Remember how they granted an extension because of a technical difficulty on the final day? I wrote several during that time – haikus, that is – and while I was rushing to get them submitted, there my husband was, writing haiku after haiku while he lounged in bed, loudly mocking me. Counting on his fingers.

We ended up with well over 10. Close to 20. 19, in fact. I wrote them all down. If this blog is too long, well... I didn't think I could justify a second installment that would make the word count requirement. Sorry?

Now, keep in mind, I love my husband's sense of humor. I say this because some of these may be quite insulting to the uninitiated. But they are hilarious to me and, I hope, to you too. (Some are actually quite sweet, though.)

For the sake of authenticity, I will keep them in the original order. His mind was all over the place. While writing this piece, I had to appreciate his improv skills. Truly, they are astounding.

I have titled them to add to the humor and create a shadow of our conversations at the time of writing.

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1 – "Doth"

Your eyes doth twinkle

Truth like water flows freely

I wish to linger

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2 – "Insults Begin"

You can’t write for shit

Dogs in heat, the air is stale

Your mind is garbage

_________________________

3 – "Please Follow the Moon"

My words dance like knives

Where does the winter moon go?

If only you could.

_________________________

4 – "Sweetness Between the Grime"

Romance, unending

Summer breeze springs last vesper

Endless love for you

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5 – "Accidental Alliteration"

Dimwitted you are

Dung beetles roll forever

Drool flows from your chin

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6 – "Shots Fired" or "Shakespeare Would Approve"

Haiku for [r-word]

Gas bellows from my trousers

How hard can it be?

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7 – "One Haiku is Lost"

I was inspired

You forgot my loving word

Typical woman

_________________________

8 – "Counting to 5 is Hard..."

She counts like a bird

Ostriches bury their heads

What wife have I made?

_________________________

9 – "Thinking is Hard..."

My mind turns to mush

Arid swamp, thy air is foul

How have words failed you?             

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10 – "Accidentally Amazing"

For her I am whole

Spring rain leaves me wet, empty

This is not complete

_________________________

11 – "It's Got Layers to it"

My wife the lizard

She basks in hot desert sand

I think I’m chafing

_________________________

12 – "'Merica"

I wish I could fly

The eagle soars unbroken

Man forever bold

_________________________

13 – "Really Not a Haiku"

You can’t write for shit

Try as you like you won’t be

a writer like me

_________________________

14 – "Eh, Too Much Falling"

Your words fall like leaves

Fall’s end, welcomes winter’s gloom

I pity your mind.

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15 – "Wrong, All Wrong"

Put a knife to throat

slice horizontally please

blood like water cures me

_________________________

16 – "Such a Drama Queen"

I loathe your effort

Rotten logs fuel my summer

Your death brings me life.

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17 – "Insomnia"

Stop counting you fool

one sheep two sheep three sheep boo

elementary

_________________________

18 – "Melting Secrets"

From the deep I stir

Motives like ice beneath me

Hidden is my love

_________________________

19 – "What, Indeed?"

A wail of anguish

The serpent lies beneath me

What becomes of man?

_________________________

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Before you ask, yes, I wrote and published this with my husband's knowledge. He was quite touched, actually. At the same time, he was laughing maniacally at his creations, which I am sure he'd forgotten about.

With the exception of numbers 13 and 15, these were all very haiku-like, if not perfect examples of the form, short of the humor that was present in a few. I laughed so much at the time he wrote them (all, off the cuff, in one sitting, probably less than 30 minutes total), but looking at them now, I really like a lot of them. They work. And they speak to a creative mind that ought to be creating more and more and more.

I also really am surprised by how many of them could be taken the wrong way. Hopefully I don't regret publishing this...

Would you like more?

Perhaps as a collective, we can persuade him...

Also, which one was your favorite?

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Thank you for reading! I know...not my normal style. I couldn't have published these any differently, though! A humor blog it had to be.