Police Incident Report

The subject is reported to have “lost their mind” and disassociated from “the consensual hallucination normally referred to as reality”.

Date: 2024-10-26 | Time: 03:17 hours

Incident Type:

• Public Nuisance.
• Disorderly Conduct.
• Repeated “clucking”.

Location: Vicinity of the Slug & Lettuce Inn.

Subject (Detainee): Pending Identification.

Description of Subject (UID): The subject presented a highly unusual physiognomy and overall appearance.

• Observed features included an anthropomorphic avian lower extremity, consisting of scaled, reddish-brown legs and clawed feet.
• The torso appeared to be of a rotund, reptilian nature, coated in emerald-hued, scale-like appendages.
• The upper extremities were presented as hirsute and of a brownish-tan coloration, terminating in opposable, five-fingered extremities.
• The cranium exhibited mammalian features, exhibiting an ovoid configuration and a striated, facial pattern, possibly that of an ocelot.
• Large, auricular appendages were present, suggestive of enhanced auditory capabilities.
• The UID's oral cavity displayed a dentition suggestive of carnivorous tendencies, and the facial expression was deemed to be, at the time of the encounter, “animated.”

Attire: The subject was observed to be clad in limited lower body covering, consisting of densely-textured, silver-grey plumage, resembling the leg wear of a fashionably eccentric fowl. No upper body covering was apparent.

Circumstances of Incident: Responding to reports of amplified revelry and disruptive behaviour, officers arrived at the designated location. The subject was observed engaging in activities deemed inconsistent with the expectations of public decorum or normalcy. These included, but were not limited to a long and pointed diatribe about the current state of jazz, the consumption of fermented beverages in an uncontrolled manner, and the attempted performance of an impromptu interpretive dance.

Evidence suggests the subject may have attended a musical performance of free form, avant-garde sounds produced during the deconstruction of a boudoir grand piano with bricks and a chainsaw. The subject is reported to have “lost their mind” and disassociated from “the consensual hallucination normally referred to as reality”. Witness statements imply that the subject changed to his current appearance during said performance. Inhibitions were shortly thereafter temporarily, or permanently, diminished.

No further alleged victims were identified. A small flock of starlings, each equipped with the mandibles of an alligator were taken into protective custody briefly, but were released later into the city sewers.

Procedure: Following repeated verbal warnings to cease the aforementioned behaviour, which were met with non-compliance and further animated displays, the subject was apprehended. The subject offered no significant resistance but did emit a series of vocalisations that were interpreted as expressions of disapproval. The subject was subsequently transported to holding facilities for a period of enforced mental stability, sedation and psychological assessment.

Evidence:

• Body-cam recordings of subject crying and complaining of “toxic sounds” inside their head.
• Witness statements from nearby establishments citing “excessive noise”, “unpleasant odours” and an “acute sense of hollowed-out artistic desperation”.

Recommendations:

• Further investigation is required to ascertain the true identity and classification of the subject.
• Consultation with specialists in the fields of comparative zoology and folklore is recommended.
• Potential fines to be levied for foul language applied to controversial works of art and improper attire, particularly regarding the lack of upper body coverings.

End of Report