National Spouse Day

“National Spouses Day on January 26th each year celebrates the bond between two people and sets aside time for couples to show each other gratitude.

Dedicated to recognizing spouses everywhere, the observance reminds us to take time for our mate. From being thankful for the fulfillment and security of a long-term relationship to the boost of morale and well-being provided by spouses, there are many reasons to celebrate. This day is a time to show your spouse that you care and appreciate all of the things that he or she does for you and the home.” – National Day Calendar

I have been married four times to four wonderful women. My first marriage lasted twenty-five years and ended amicably when our lives were going in two opposite directions. We have a daughter together and she is a great co-parent. We are still good friends. The next two marriages had tragic endings due to cancer. I am married now to an incredible person. She is everything a person could hope to find for a spouse. She is smart, interesting, kind, caring and very beautiful. She is a Gift From God and I am so grateful that we found each other which, in and of itself, is just remarkable.

I adore my wonderful wife

And I’m always telling her so.

When I tell her I that I am one lucky guy….

Her response is always “I know.”

It has taken me four wives and thirty-seven years of marriage to learn what it means to be and what it takes to be a good spouse. Fortunately for me all four of my wives knew these things before they married me, while for me it was more of a “learn by doing” and “learn from your mistakes” education. I do have it figured out at this point.

So with all that said, I am still going to take #NationalSpouseDay to poke a little fun at the sacred institution of marriage where when all is said and done not everything is sacred.

This is my reality…and it’s a good thing, really it is!

What I have learned from being married to four very different women is that there are three things that spouses must be for them to have a happy marriage – Best Friends, Business Partners (managing the financial aspect of a marriage is a business), and Lovers. And those three things are embodied with these essential elements that enable spouses to be those three things. Best Friends – Empathy, Business Partners – Trust, and Lovers – Attraction.

Here are some limericks and poems and some commentary that I have written about marriage that I would like to share with you today on National Spouses Day.

The Marriage Balancing Act Limerick

Empathy, Trust and Attraction –

For a marriage to gain positive traction

Conscious effort is required

To maintain the balance desired

That brings mutual satisfaction.

Communication

Communication is the glue that holds the whole thing together. A lack of communication and miscommunication leads to disconnection. However, many couples are willing to settle for a lack of communication believing that it is better than fighting. Just keep it to yourself.

Avoiding Marital Tension

A secret to avoiding marital tension,

Oblivious and apathetic prevention.

Don’t pull out your hair,

Better, simply don’t care

And, as a rule, also don’t pay attention!

And with modern technology creating another minefield to avoid, there’s this…

A “Spouse Texting” Limerick

The backspace button’s a valuable tool.

It can prevent you from acting the fool.

Before you hit “send,”

It’s best to pretend…

And comply with the “spouse texting” rule!

Best Friends

An Easy Target Limerick

My marriages have been something to see.

They’ve all been a romantic comedy.

When put to the test,

What my brides have done best…

Is mercilessly make fun of me!

Best friends will sometimes have to choose to overlook some things for the sake of the friendship and the marriage. This is something that can be easier said than done.

Business Partners

It’s been said that there are two rules that govern a marriage. One is the “money rule” – whoever makes the money, makes the rules. I’ll discuss the other rule shortly. When this rule is either enforced or broken, it will test the strength of the marriage but loving spouses will hopefully find a way to deal with it.

Lovers

This is where the second rule comes into play. The “pussy rule” – the person with the pussy makes the rules. It a rule that goes beyond the bedroom and effects the management hierarchy of the marriage i.e. who is calling the shots, who’s the CEO and who’s the COO. A pussy is a powerful thing!

A Couple Of A Change Is Not Gonna Cum After Marriage Limericks

WARNING – these two are Rated R

Her nymphomania was a wet dream cum true.

You loved that she loved to screw.

But be assured

Her nymphomania will be cured

The moment that you say, “I do.”

You think with marriage, there will come a new trick.

Didn’t she take a vow she would lick?

Now that she’s M-R-S,

It’s a good guess…

She’s more concerned about her nails than your dick!

Deal Breakers

The Evolution of A Relationship From Infatuation to Flatulation

During the courtship, he’s a perfect gentleman

And he behaves just like a saint.

If you think that’s the way it will always be….

Believe me, I assure you it ain’t.

At first, he’s so romantic and charming

And you’re hopeful the romance will linger,

But it won’t be long after you say “I love you”….

That he’ll ask you to pull his finger!

However, passing gas is not male gender specific and a sign of true mutual affection is how a man will react when his lady lets loose from her caboose.

Proof that we’re happy as we can be

And the “perfect couple” the world gets to see –

I capitulate

When she’ll flatulate…

And point the finger of guilt at me!

A Behavior That Will Ruin A Marriage Limerick

For gross behavior, you’re not getting a pass.

Women hate it when a man passes gas.

So don’t ever start

A conversation with a fart…

A deal breaker’s “talking out of your ass!”

A Snoring Limerick

Snoring has caused many harsh words to be said.

I’ve been told, “GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS BED!”

Just one remark had me seething –

When an ex said, “STOP BREATHING” –

A subtle sign that marriage was dead.

I hope y’all got a chuckle out this silliness. Being a spouse is one of the two best things I have ever done in my life. The other is being a father. Don’t mistake my making fun of being a spouse with the respect that I have for it. Being the most important person in someone’s life, someone who loves you as much as you love them, is one the main things that gives meaning to your life.