Mars Rover Finds...Itself

From the Associated Press (July 2025):

Recent reports from NASA have shown that one of the rovers used to navigate and study the terrain of the Red Planet has suddenly discovered its own inner balance and peace of mind.

Since the final message from “Opportunity” (2004 – 2018) – “My battery is low and it’s getting dark” – there was concern that the newer rovers – “Perseverance” (2021 - present) and “Curiosity” (2012 - present) – would be affected by the interest from the press and public over maintaining their responsibilities to take soil and atmospheric samples. NASA officials claim that this is the first time that any piece of technology has shown any concern for itself.

“It is an interesting trend,” stated Dr. Alzac Riosao, head of the NASA department of Inner Peace and Respect. “Many people have often claimed that their cars can be temperamental, or that their toasters have a mind of their own. Now, we have actual proof that machines can feel and have emotions, thoughts and feelings. I’m so glad to be around when we are at a real change in our society.”

Not everyone is celebrating the technology’s growth and development. The president has claimed that “this might be the start of the machine taking over our society.” The Pope advised his followers “to look at the heavens, not at the toys that were created for our use.” James Cameron released a statement claiming that “the films were just science fiction and were in no way prescient or a blueprint for what the future would bring to humanity.” Both George Lucas and Steven Spielberg have refused to comment.

Both Perseverance and Curiosity continue to do their ritual explorations of the Mars surface, finding minerals and information about the Red Planet, but they have been joined by the Chinese rover, “Zhurong” (2021 - present). The name represents the God of Fire and the South, a deity charged with keeping order through fire which separates the different realms of the Earth. It has been argued that the rovers understand this, and have been in communication with each other over the matter.

NASA claims that it has no plans to interfere with the new changes in their technology (there is no known way to prevent a rover from finding its own mantra). In fact, it is believed that this new development might make it possible for the rovers to make much more sensitive samples of the planet. Opportunity's final words seem to have provided the three now left on the planet with a reason to continue doing what they were created to do.

There is to be a meeting over new rovers that may be created for another mission to other planets (Venus, Mercury, etc.). The “Deepak Chopra” may possibly be operational and functional by 2030, to be followed by the “Oprah Winfrey” in 2045. No other nations have put forward plans for such endeavors (rumours of India creating a “Mahatma Gandhi” probe have been dismissed). Astronauts on the International Space Station have been contacted for their opinion on the matter; they believe that this is just a joke perpetrated by students with access to powerful computers who have somehow managed to control the messaging from the planet (no further contact has been made with them on this matter).

“This is a moment that we should all enjoy. It is an amazing time for the human race,” Dr. Riosao has said.

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