List of the Top #20 Reasons (I'm Guessing) People Complain About Public Breastfeeding

Well, the malcontents have been malcontent-ing long enough without much-needed exposure, so I am granting them a story spotlight out of my invaluable time for all of five minutes.

How generous of me!

Because women breastfeeding in public is a menace in their view and they've been droning on about it like geezers for ages since they were all born grown adults eating liverwurst sandwiches with a side of potato salad and never relying on anyone their entire lives. And they most likely want your babies to eat, but want you to do that somewhere else because:-

20. Breastfeeding should be done in the privacy of one's own home. The fact that newborns require nourishment every 2-4 hours between 8-12 times a day equates to mothers never leaving their house for at least a year or two since that's what is required for effective parenting; a mom effectively under conditions of house arrest can maintain sanity just fine.

19. Babies can wait until they get home. Let them cry, scream, and be uncomfortable for an hour or more. It won't damage them, plus it's better if they are on a schedule instead of being healthy and feeding on demand to put on weight that they'll regret in their teens.

18. I don't want to see that and cannot look elsewhere besides the 5x7-ish seated space where some random lady is engaged in unmentionable acts. With hazards like traffic, pedestrians, trees, and bare-chested men walking around in the summertime, every available eye space is required.

17. Babies can drink bottled breast milk or baby formula. It's completely unnecessary to risk exposure and mother-baby bonding. What kind of message does that send for such close ties from birth?

16. It'll spoil the baby. Babies shouldn't have the best milk availible uniquely suited to their needs plus convenient accessibility. It engenders a sense of entitlement and will ruin them for life.

15. Boobs are offensive—sacrilegious even—no one should have them. Since they exist and there's no choice but to tolerate them, they should never be exposed in public except for: pornographic marketing, sunbathing, nudist beaches/colonies, and other designated strictly private areas.

14. People might get ideas. People might also be intelligent (or stupid,) reasonable (or illogical,) compassionate, (or cruel) with a dualistic character trait list ad infinitum. We should really base all future decisions in respect of the multitude of 'people outcomes' to cover every unpredictable eventuality, with of course, the scenario exception of babies being breastfed.

13. It's dirty/obscene/repugnant. Mothers who feed their babies this way have no regard for privacy, especially since babies feed on demand, and newborns nurse frequently (see #20) and people's minds are shiny-squeaky clean.

12. Any children in the vicinity need to be protected. Yeah. From the X-rated spectacle of a woman feeding her baby.

11. Go to the bathroom with that. By all means, hold baby in a bathroom with a host of germs and potentially worse smells to let an immunologically deficient neonate eat, because as a discerning adult, I'd eat in a bathroom too.

10. Breasts are sexual organs for sexual gratification. Sure the biology textbooks say that they are mammary glands and serve the one purpose that mammary glands do (milk production.) But come on, the information in those texts is dark-dinosaur ages ago! Where are the updates, huh?! We know they're 'man-mary' glands.

9. It looks all the part of a sexual act. Still obscured/resistant to the fact that milk comes through those things...

8. Men might get aroused. Private parts exposed can—Author's Interruption Note: Real men (and women) have learned the art of self-control, but should they have issues surrounding this point, might I politely suggest that they get some professional effin' help goddammit!

7. Thwarts healthy sexual desire for breasts. —Author's Second Interruption Note: Honestly...a great suggestion/strategy to keep the aforementioned morons from procreating. There is already enough stupid in the world. All in favor...

6. It looks weird. Yes, every mammal on the planet gives birth to live young and nurses them with milk from mammary glands but for humans, it's weird.

5. Babies shouldn't be satisfied that way. Not with the functional anatomy as nature intended, perfectly suited to baby's needs at the right temperature and free. Nature is just gross and wrong.

4. Having them (breasts) out in public looks slutty. But of course, men are permitted to walk around bare-chested at the drop of a hat and that's okay since they don't have breasts and their chests are not an affront to common decency.

3. It will result in sexual harassment. Because nothing gets someone's "juices flowing" like a baby breastfeeding, and of course, that's not perverted at all. But persecute that mother and baby like they're heathens, law-breaking deviants, and planetary scourge.

2.Women are just showing off. That is the crux of it! Since motherhood is a 24/7 job, inclusive and not limited to round-the-clock feeds and diaper changes. A never-ending succession of washing/dressing/burping/cleaning/pediatric appointments/community nurse visits/language development, social interaction, sensory stimulation/milestone monitoring. Exclusive and comprehensive responsibility for another human being who is preverbal and possessing a unique biology with dire consequences if care is not performed to high standards. Come on! They have the time to find suitable private spaces if they wish to breastfeed instead of wantonly throwing their breasts around for no valid reason.

1. It will start a trend. Heaven forbid that a substantial percentage of the procreating gender will be more inclined to breastfeed due to the health benefits for mother and baby and thus cause the ruination of society.

Author's Note:- Although a humorous approach was taken for this subject to ensure that the point got across, I cannot express how challenging it became to entertain the possible views of public breastfeeding opponents without feeling exhausted by the sheer ridiculousness of the endeavor.

I most certainly will not be doing this again, but I will continue to support and protect public breastfeeding wherever and however I have the means/ability to do so, with words and pen firing on all cylinders.

***

Thank you for taking the time to swing by and read my story! Please continue in awesomeness and feel free to 'read away' on my profile if you'd like as it would be tremendously helpful.