Kings of Camelot

Synopsis

Lancelot makes the journey from sheepherder to knight in a Camelot ruled by his boyhood friends: Merlin, a hack magician struggling to catch up to his reputation as a skilled sorcerer; and Arthur, the boy coronated king after Merlin and Lancelot’s sword in the stone prank escalated out of control. Life is complicated by invading Saxons, the perhaps-evil Morgana, the irrefutably-evil Mordred, and Lancelot and Arthur’s competition for the attentions of Merlin’s kid sister, Guinevere, the vastly underappreciated brains of the lot.

Characters

Lancelot: A cranky young peasant, with a natural talent for the sword and a craving for high status and fine fashion.

Merlin: Same age as Lancelot, an optimist and joker talented in conjuring illusions and working light enchantments but weak at more substantial magic. He is Arthur’s chief advisor.

Arthur: In his late teens, so a few years younger than Lancelot and Merlin, his former schoolmates. He sincerely wishes to be a good King for the country he loves, but is haplessly out of his element.

Morgana: A sorceress with growing talent at actual, physical magic. Morgana’s chief loyalty is to her own best interests.

Guinevere: Merlin’s younger sister, the same age as Arthur. She works in the gender-appropriate role of attendant to Arthur, but becomes invaluable as a military and political strategy advisor. The fact the men around her receive credit for her ideas becomes a source of great frustration.

Mordred: Morgana’s 10-year-old cousin. He has a powerful and chaotic magical gift that Morgana persists in believing can be harnessed for good even as it becomes increasingly evident the boy is pure evil. The boy has a visible swirling “666” birthmark on the shaved scalp beneath his bowl cut. This tips no one off because they haven’t seen The Omen.

Pilot Episode

Pre-Title Sequence

A group of young men play a heated game of dice in a dimly-lit pub. [A historian would insist the clothing, furnishings, game etc. conform to those of the 6th-century British Isles. This isn't that kind of show. Generic fantasy/ medieval-ish is what we're after here. Use whatever's left in the back from Game of Thrones.]

Anyway, there are coins as well as a tunic and pair of boots piled in the center - clearly belonging to the disheveled youth wearing only trousers.

Trousers tosses the dice and shouts in triumph. "Beat that, Federico!"

Frederico rolls and cheers. "Tied on fives, we split the pot!"

Trousers curses and takes his boots. Frederico grabs the tunic over the protests of all - it’s allowable, but a jackass move. They split the cash and Trousers slams his feet into his boots and stomps away shirtless, spewing a stream of commentary on his opponent's lack of honor. Frederico calls after him, "Aw, dry your diaper - I'll give you a shot to win it back next week, Lancelot!"

Lancelot exits the pub into a scene of chaos. Villagers are screaming and running to his right up the cobbled street. He shades his eyes against the glare and looks after the runners quizzically. He wanders to the middle of the street and turns as a massive dragon arcs over the rooftops and swoops down to strafe the street with flames, coming straight towards him as the remaining people scatter.

[You might be tempted to cut costs by making a dragon puppet, but I really think CGI would be best here. You can probably reuse some of that GoT footage or borrow from a video game. The graphics are getting quite good in some of those now.]

One of two older men crouched behind a cart asks the other, "Isn't that your son? Is he ether-addled??"

People are screaming at Lancelot to get out of the way but he remains steady as the dragon's flames race up to, then through him. He is untouched. He turns to watch the creature fly on.

"Lancelot!!" His father bellows, "Why aren't you tending the sheep!?"

Lancelot closes his eyes for one long, fuming breath. He opens his eyes and hisses, "Dammit, Merlin!"

TITLE SEQUENCE [Stirring quasi-medieval music over a montage of serious-appearing then increasingly silly clips. You'll want to get Hans Zimmer for this one.]

SCENE 1

Lancelot sits in an open-walled shelter, with a small stool and basic table as the only furniture. Sheep graze the rocky hillsides around him. He is wearing a vest with no shirt and his shoulders are sunburned as he sits writing a letter with quill and ink on the surface barely large enough for his parchment. Lancelot in voice over:

“Dear Merlin,

About your dragons.

Do you remember how fine it was to leave the sheep and sneak off to the pub for a pint? Of course not. You haven’t had to watch sheep for years, have you? Since finagling your way into that sweet Royal Wizard gig.

Well, some of us do still have to watch sheep and weed crops and milk cows and all of that drudgery and would appreciate a halt to the conjuring of apparitions that MAKE OUR LIVES EVEN HARDER.

I know, the wood nymphs and waterfall sprites are lovely. Top notch, to be honest. You nailed ethereal beauty in a manner I would never have credited you capable of given the crap you churned out in Miss Trinagel’s painting classes.

But then the unicorns, and ghost lights, and the nightly spectacle of the phoenix rising from the cathedral chimney…. It’s just all too much.

I know it’s been great for tourism and shop owners and innkeepers and all. But do I look like I own an inn? No. Obviously not. My stained, ratty clothes are testament to the cruel twist of fate that birthed me into a family of farmers.

But as for the dragons, the last thing I need is for my father to tan my hide any time the sheep are left unattended because he ACTUALLY BELIEVES they’re liable to be snatched up by great flying fire-breathing monsters. You’ll note (with no surprise, I’m sure) that he shows no concern that I will instead be snatched up by such monsters, nor has he provided a clear explanation of what exactly he envisions me doing to defend his precious livestock in the event of attack by said creatures.

Bah - I know you think me humorless now. Perhaps it is so.

You know the real pebble in my boot is not apparitions but the larger issue of the grand farce still playing out from the blasted sword illusion…. I know it seemed like a larf at the time and we were all complicit in underestimating the sheer gullibility of our young friend and our countrymen. But for God’s sake, man, could you not have found a way to end the madness before they actually crowned that fool king?? Does he even know???

Perhaps worse still, I find myself wondering from time to time, what if there really was something to that old enchantment? What if we have meddled in true matters of destiny and now we will never know who was meant to pull Excalibur from the stone and rule the kingdom?

Sincerely,

Lance”

He hesitates a moment, then adds,

“P.S. I trust your sister is well.”

SCENE 2

Castle interior, Merlin sits in a study enormously cluttered with books, charts, intricate metal and glass instruments, vials and jars of variously colored powders and liquids, etc. He is reading Lancelot’s letter with a wistful smile and occasional laugh. He sets quill to paper.

Merlin voiceover:

“Dear Wishes-he-used-his-Lance-a-lot,

Is the phoenix seriously still going?! What fun. I had completely forgotten about that one.

But my, what a surly fellow you have become. I remind you it is not my fault you are not wrapped in silk and brightly patterned cloaks, as your foppish little heart desires. You know that it is only through my own considerable efforts that I have risen so quickly from those same depths to my current position.

But I did not mean to worsen your already admittedly pathetic situation. The dragon was a necessary demonstration for Arthur and Morgana, and may have gotten a bit away from me.

I must tell you, I have little time for recreational conjuring these days. This business with the Saxons is quite serious – the pagan flood is looking likely to seize hold of the southlands soon. Thus it is that I caution you, the time is long past to come clean about the trick with the sword (which was not an illusion – for the sword did indeed come out of the stone, with well-timed application of an efficacious counter-enchantment).

Although this outcome was not our intention, the situation may prove fortuitous. I do not mean for me – or rather, not JUST for me (I have admittedly benefited greatly from the lad’s faith in my abilities). What I’m saying is that I’m finding he has a genuine flare for this ruling business. That sincerity which made him such a delightfully easy victim of our pranks seems to really win people over. You should see how quickly battle-scarred knights are convinced to pledge their swords to a boy barely old enough to shave!

Think of it this way: what if destiny intended for the one true king to be assisted by a talented friend? I mean, it could make a sort of sense. And with the old Pendragon dead, we were in a state of chaos. We needed a king fast.”

Merlin is interrupted by a knock by a page summoning him to Arthur’s chambers.

SCENE 3

Merlin and Morgana stand outside Arthur’s door. A slow, mournful flute tune issues from within. It runs just a few measures and Merlin raises his hand to knock as it fades. Merlin and Morgana wince as it begins again, repeating EXACTLY. Both grown loudly as it begins yet a 3rd time, and a girl arrives with a tray of tea and scones. She is greeted by Morgana as Guinevere and by Merlin as “sis”. Guinevere shoulder-blocks Merlin from taking a scone, rolls her eyes at the music and knocks on the door with forceful kicks.

Inside Arthur’s chambers, the boy king is slumped sideways in a magnificent chair, holding a pan flute. [He will be periodically producing this flute out of nowhere to play Arthur’s Little Dirge throughout the series.] There is a large table with a map of the British Isles and little towers and figures representing fortresses and troops. Arthur snaps upright when he sees Guinevere.

[We’re going to try to tighten things up a bit here, because this is supposed to be a SUMMARY and some of y’all are fidgeting in the back.]

The ensuing conversation reveals that Arthur is very concerned about the Saxons amassing a formidable army near Bournemouth and preparing to march north. Merlin suggests terrifying them in the heat of battle with dragons, and Morgana offers that she can add some wind and earth shaking for more convincing effect.

Guinevere suggests that Arthur stop wasting his men with sloppy strategy and instead lead with the dragon, use the initial wave of shock to allow his troops to charge inside the Saxon archers' effective range, and have them create a break through the opposing infantry for the mounted knights to then surge through to scatter and decimate the Saxons. Everyone agrees that’s probably a good idea, too.

The following scenes move between our protagonists:

Merlin works hard at his magic skills, trying again and again with hand waves and incantations to shatter an egg. He can conjure the illusion of a giant mallet pounding more and more frantically upon it, but cannot break the egg.

Arthur and Merlin sit in council with senior advisors discussing complex economic and resource issues. Arthur’s eyes are glazed over, and he is roused to full consciousness only when an advisor asks for direction. Another sees the boy’s confusion and lays out the decision as a basic multiple choice, with the answer clearly chosen by Arthur at random. Guinevere stands by with a pitcher of water, tight-lipped and fuming at the ineptitude.

Lancelot toils on the farm, performing menial tasks such as shoveling a mud, dung, and straw mixture to rebuild a section of low wall between pig sties.

Morgana is interrupted from object levitation practice by a letter informing her that her cousin Mordred is being held by the Saxons in Bournemouth. She asks Arthur for help in freeing him, but cannot explain why on Earth he was kidnapped, unless perhaps it was to blackmail her into not using magic against them. It’s pure speculation, as they have issued no demands.

Merlin continues his efforts, finally shouting in frustration and smashing the egg with his fist. He sits wallowing in misery for a bit, then sets to the letter to Arthur again.

“This brings me to another idea: imagine yourself as a knight. Hear me out on this. I know you’ve only fought with a wooden sword, but you always won our school ‘tournaments’, you were clever in our war games against the valley hooligans, plus I believe Arthur still thinks well of you. Although you may have grown into an incongruously churlish aspiring popinjay, I think you could be quite valuable in the war to come. And the leisure-time life of a knight would certainly suit you well. Honestly, it would be nice to have you around here.

Think about it and let me know.

Sincerely,

Merlin

P.S. Yes, my sister is well. I’m sure Guinevere would send her undying disdain, were I ever to mention you to her.

P.P.S. Upon reflection, that was a bit harsh. You should honestly forget about her – I believe she fancies our boy king now. You know how she favors the sweet and simple type.”

SEASON 1 HIGHLIGHTS

In Sweaty Armor, Lancelot begins knight training. His classmates are all high-born teen boys who ridicule him for his low station and advanced age. Lancelot proves talented in combat and day after day trounces them all with a merciless glee wondrous to behold.

Arthur delivers a rousing speech to his troops, and we discover that he is transformed on a stage. Electrifying a crowd through delivery of patriotic platitudes with a fiery passion is his real gift.

The Gist of Avalon episode focuses on Guinevere and Morgana: The two share many moments of connection as they commiserate on their inability to attain the status and respect their talents deserve, but Morgana will allow familiarity to go only so far before reestablishing a cool perimeter. Guinevere begins slipping Arthur notes in council meetings alongside his mead and biscuits, resulting in a vast improvement in the quality of his questions and decisions. Battles utilizing her tactics are going well - until strange, powerful magical counter-attacks lead to an astonishing rout of Camelot’s troops and knights. Could it be that in her frustration Morgana is playing both sides?

In All the Kings Horses, Merlin redoubles his efforts to improve at physical magic. He is finally able to break the egg. Meanwhile, Arthur discovers the letters exchanged between Lancelot and Merlin and his confidence is shattered. Merlin tries to win him over to the theory that he was destined to draw Excalibur with the help of friends, but Arthur is skeptical and still half-ready to abdicate. He is convinced to remain on the throne for the time being but decides to replace the sword in the stone to see if someone comes along who can remove it unaided. Before walking away he gives it one good attempt and sadly finds that he cannot do so.

In This Knight’s Tale, Lancelot is thrown into full knighthood after only weeks of training due to the desperate need for more bodies in saddles. He enjoys the lifestyle and clothing immensely, and begins courting Guinevere as a fully transformed popinjay, bleached blond hair and all. We shift abruptly to a filthy and bloody Lancelot caught up in the chaos of a battle in which the Brits take heavy casualties but some ground is reclaimed and the boy Mordred is “rescued” from the Saxons. Or was he the willing magical weapon behind Camelot’s battle defeats?

In About a Cup, there is a lull in the war that some attribute to the Saxon’s loss of Mordred. Attempts to civilize the boy are going badly. Lancelot visits home, primarily to make sure everyone has heard he’s a knight now and sees him in his new clothes. He hears a rumor from an old traveler from the north about the legendary Cup of Christ, which is said to have a number of magical properties. He relays the rumor to his friends at Camelot. Arthur speculates that obtaining the Holy Grail would mean he is indeed the true King of Briton, and begin a golden age for his kingdom. Morgana is surprised to find she’s feeling a real emotional entanglement with Mordred, recognizing their significance to one another as the last surviving members of their extended family. She wonders if drinking from the Grail could drive out the demons within him.

In The Sword in the Stone… Again, Mordred pulls the sword from the stone. He vows to Make Camelot Great Again. Arthur decides Mordred can't possibly be the destined king. He fights to oppose his claim, at least until the true king shows up - one who can free Excalibur without magic. Many who already regarded Arthur as too young find this new one to be just plain ridiculous, and start to spread wild ideas about having people, say, vote for who should be in charge. Fortunately the concept gains no traction. But with the matter of who should be regarded as king remaining unsettled, the leading knights and advisors settle on an exceedingly tense co-King arrangement. Because neither Arthur or Mordred can sit in a superior position to the other, the ruling council begins meeting at a round table.

In Quest! Arthur, Merlin, Lancelot, and Morgana set off to find the Holy Grail. The wise knight Galahad is established as acting co-King, instructed to secretly use Guinevere as his chief advisor.

****

Actual Author's Note: The original core of this story consisted of 3 letters from Lancelot, Merlin, and Arthur, completed for the Fantasy (“There weren’t always dragons in the valley”) Challenge. It can be found here: https://shopping-feedback.today/fiction/lancelot-s-complaint Check it out. It's a quick read, I swear....

Actual Author's Second Note: Illustration created using the cutting-edge technologies of pen, half-dried markers, and PowerPoint. At least I can count fingers better than AI.