Interview: RealBlink CEO Stan Ctrlman

Suddenly, it seems as though everyone is talking Teleportation. Ever since the now defunct startup here2THERE demonstrated its innovative Hurl system for transporting small objects almost instantaneously, Silicon Valley has performed an instantaneous transfer of its own. Money now vanishes from the pockets of investors and appears almost instantly in the accounts of plucky Teleportation entrepreneurs, each convinced that theirs is the product that will overcome the hype cycle and materialize in the mainstream.

Teleportation, or ‘portation as those on the inside refer to it, has come a long way in the last five years. While still some way from what researchers call ‘Actual Teleportation’ the use of innovative engineering principles have made matter transport so fast that it occurs literally in the blink of an eye - or even faster.

I visited Stan Ctrlman of up and coming 'porter business RealBlink at their state-of-the-art new facility in downtown San Jose. Mr Ctrlman was kind enough to give me the tour and speak about how his company is striking away from competitors and might even be the first 'portation startup to almost turn a profit.

First, I had to ask, how DO you pronounce that surname? He then told me.

With that out of the way, Ctrlman started off with what, in the fast-moving world of Teleportation, is now practically a museum piece - the company's first attempt at 'portation tech, the RealBlink Whammy1. The Whammy1 was little more than a prototype. As Ctrlman put it, "This thing could barely clear a small wall. It was a proof of concept at best, but the fact we could produce it so cheaply is what got us in the room with investors."

Next came the DoubleWhammy. "This changed everything for us. Being able to thr.. er, teleport parcels at near-instantaneous speeds using strong elastic polymers that could store kinetic energy was our breakthrough, but the trick was ensuring parcels maintained their integrity on arrival. The DoubleWhammy's innovative kinetic cushioning made high speed teleportation practical for the first time."

Investors, says Ctrlman, were practically firing money directly at the company. "Nobody had seen anything like this before. Sure, sci-fi authors may have written about it, also medieval scholars, but for the first time near-instantaneous transport was no longer a dream."

Rapid iteration, fueled by more cash, led to further innovation. The Slapshot, FlingETC, TwangBUS, Wheeeee and other products flew out of RealBlink R&D almost as if shot from a catapult. And that, says Ctrlman, is what led to the BAMF - the Backweight Accelerated Macro Flinger.

"I was looking at our designs and they were all just rehashing the same idea. You store your kinetic energy in a spring, and let it go. I mean, it works but is it enough? That's when I knew we had to try to harness perhaps the oldest primal force there is. Gravity."

As Ctrlman led me into the test area for the BAMF, I heard the characteristic cranking sound of the T-Load Counterweight being hoisted into transmission configuration. A solid block of Scottish granite custom-tooled for maximum drop to push ratio, suspended from the main BAMF armature with straps made from RealBlink’s proprietary harnessing technology.

I could see the money that had already been thrown at the problem. Literally, wads of cash were among the many objects that had been packed into RealBlink's patented BlinkPods. and were now laying, in various states of repair at the foot of the Intercept Wall. Test material had been hard to source, says Ctrlman, and cash seemed a no-brainer given how much of it there was laying around the office.

But it wasn't just money they were using, of course. The Intercept Wall was pocked with small indentations from transmissions of lead shot, rocks, and exercise equipment. Red, brown and yellow streaks from the previous day's food delivery tests were still evident, layered over a glistening film of oil and grease. "Trials continue but I can tell you that area is looking very promising and we have several fast food companies interested," said Ctrlman as he guided me past a stack of flammable spheres and boulders he flatly refused to admit were part of a defense contract.

As I watched technicians mop up the results of a watermelon delivery test, I noticed several cage-like pods fitted with seats and safety harnesses. “Oh those, well let’s just say that human trials are coming along very nicely indeed. In fact I expect we will have a big announcement to make soon about our first paying passengers. No names but let’s just say one of them may let out a ‘Roar’ when we teleport her across San Jose like a ‘Firework,” said Ctrlman with a wink.

Critics of RealBlink and, indeed, the entire 'portation sector say the newest developments are still not enough to allay their fears. Zed Neutron's popular podcast, "What The Fuck Are Those Dipshits Selling Us Now?" has been particularly confrontational. "It's always the same with these people," complains Ctrlman, before deploying air-quotes. "It's not 'proper teleportation' - whatever THAT means. It's 'dangerous', it's just 'firing objects at a wall'. I mean for goodness sake, do these people have no vision?"

"To the doubters, the skeptics, the visionless, I say what I say to our investors. I have a perfectly good definition of what constitutes so-called 'real' teleportation and it is simply this. Real Teleportation is when I can move an object across the city like, really, really quick... and I make a billion dollars doing it."