Have A Nice Stay

Logline: Follows the misadventures of Bea, who spontaneously decides to work at a hostel in Chile where the staff's brains are just as small as the guest's wallets.

Characters:

Bea-Our main character, our straight man, or woman as she would be very quick to correct you. After 7 years of being a cog in the corporate machine, she quits her job as a pharmaceutical editor to live out her romantic, vagabond fantasy. However, after a childhood full of rule-following, she finds that rule-breaking might be a lot harder than she thought.

Nico-Works the front desk at Cowboy Hostel. Endlessly friendly and charming, but not in an intimidating way, since he doesn't know it. Attractive, young and Chilean. Knows Santiago better than anyone and is willing to show you around. He's been an adventurist his whole life, which is at once incredibly intriguing and frightening to the uptight Bea.

Jack-The never not drunk bartender at the hostel. You can always find him with a Goon in one hand and a hand-rolled cigarette in the other. Despite his best intentions to flirt, he very rarely manages to seal the deal, due to his outrageous and loud personality. He's not someone who knows how to play it cool, but there's hope for him yet.

Martin-A French guest at the hostel who appears in the pilot (and is a sporadically recurring character). He's a young Frenchman who can barely speak English and yet speaks so confidently that you might think you're the one who can't speak English. Despite the confusion he causes around him, he always seems to have a plan. Whether it's finding a drug dealer through Chilean Grindr or doing coke in the bathroom with the locals.

Cowboy-The jaded, old owner of Cowboy Hostel, but no one knows how old he really is. In fact, no one knows much about him at all. Most of the staff have surmised he's from Eastern Europe, given his thick accent and affinity for soups. Why is he called Cowboy? Why is he in Chile? Stick around for later in the season to find out...

Muskrat-Cowboy's cat. Much like Cowboy, no one knows how old Muskrat is. But he does have a bad habit of pouncing on people when they least expect it (particularly when they're asleep).

Setting: Bienvenidos a Cowboy Hostel! (No it's not a Cowboy-themed hostel so PLEASE stop wearing cowboy boots! They scratch up the floors and scare the damn cat). You'll love our location in the center of Santiago, Chile. To locate the hostel, simply walk down Avenida Italia, make a right at the darkest alley you see, then another right into the other alley, then turn 180 degrees and you're there! Walk through our doors, past the Pedro Pascal shrine, and come right to our front desk. Our staff will be happy to set you up in one of our 15-person rooms. You'll be delighted to stay in one of our three-layer bunk beds. Climbing to the top really is an adventure. And don't worry, we've got earplugs for those pesky snorers (and the horse girls who won't stop neighing at night. Again, not a Cowboy-themed hostel goddammit). Once you're settled, chill out by our pool, but don't expect any water to be in it. You're likely to meet another backpacker just like yourself. Our guests come from all over the world and have thousands of stories to share. So what are you waiting for. Come on down and don't forget to have a nice stay!

SYNOPSIS: Welcome to Bea’s life. Boring. Stringent. Analytical. Pharmaceutical. Literally. As a pharmaceutical editor, Bea’s main concern for the past 7 years has been whether or not Neugelzic’s marketing materials are using 5-starred or 6-starred asterisks. But when her 7-year work-aversary stirs existential dread, she decides she needs to ditch her old life and frolick amongst the nomads. Who cares that she hasn't left the country before, minus that one time in Mexico that shall never be spoken of again.

EXT: SANTIAGO: DAY

We see BEA stumbling around the streets of Santiago, giant backpack in tow. She's following Google Maps, and stops at a building in a dark alley. She looks around, confused. She decides she must be in the wrong place, when a grumpy-looking woman appears from a third-floor window.

WOMAN: Está buscando el hostal?

BEA: Que?!?!

WOMAN (in a thick accent): the hostal, behind you!

BEA turns around and sees a sign stating that indeed, this is Cowboy Hostel. She opens the door, passing a small shrine dedicated to Pedro Pascal.

INT: COWBOY HOSTEL: DAY

BEA approaches the front desk (also decorated with Pedro Pascal paraphernalia).

BEA: Hello?

She picks up a framed photo of Pedro Pascal, confused. Moments later, we hear a loud crash and BEA drops the photo. Enter NICO charming as ever. BEA, embarrassed, kicks the photo under the desk.

NICO: Hola, checking in?

BEA: Oh, no I'm actually the new staffer.

NICO: Ah yes you just got in from New York! Bienvenidos! And what a relief you're not even wearing cowboy boots.

BEA: Why would I be doing that?

NICO: The Americans always wear cowboy boots. They think it's a Cowboy-themed hostel. I hate that shit. It scratches the floor.

BEA: Huh.

NICO: Come follow me to your room.

NICO grabs the monstrous backpack like it's made of paper. As they walk throughout the hostel, they pass the bar.

NICO: This is JACK. He makes the best freakin' cocktails, man.

Camera pans to JACK, who is slumped over the bar asleep, lit cigarette in hand.

BEA and NICO move to the backyard. Where they find COWBOY, facing the empty pool. His back is to them.

NICO: This is COWBOY, he is the owner. (TO COWBOY): COWBOY! The new staffer from New York is here! She just arrived.

BEA (reaches out a hand): Hi Mr. COWBOY. Very nice to meet you, I'm excited to get started.

The camera slowly zooms in on COWBOY'S back.

COWBOY (in a heavy Russian accent): Excitement. How I long to feel excitement. Excitement like the spark of a first kiss, like the wind brushing your cheek on a warm summer's day. Like the smell of spring's first bloom. This, my dear, working here, could not foster excitement. The cruel manual labor will tear away at you, rip your soul, until you have nothing left, like a Siberian prison camp...

We hear a kitchen bell ding and we see COWBOY'S face.

COWBOY: Ah my borscht is finally ready.

BEA: Okay....

NICO: Yeah he's the best.

CUT TO: BEA and NICO walk up the stairs and enter the bedroom, where three, three-storied bunk beds lie. They see MARTIN unpacking his stuff.

NICO: And this is the bedroom. You can make yourself comfortable on the third bunk.

BEA: We share the room with the guests?

NICO: How else would we make sure they don't steal anything?

BEA: Uh...lockers?

NICO: What?

MARTIN: Ah bonjour! Tu arrivé today?

BEA: Yes! Just got in!

MARTIN: D'oú come?

BEA: What?

MARTIN: Yes!

BEA: Wait what did you say?

MARTIN: France. Uh..French! Je arrive from France. Je French.

BEA: Right...

MARTIN laughs uproariously. BEA looks at NICO for help, but he just fist bumps MARTIN with a smile.

BEA: Well alright, I guess I can try to get up to the top.

NICO: You want help?

BEA: No, I got it.

BEA struggles to get to the top bunk, and she is clearly incapable of doing so. NICO comes underneath her to give her a hand, but she loses her grip and starts flailing helplessly. Eventually NICO manages to give her a boost and she flops on to the top bunk. She finally manages to find a moment of peace, when suddenly a deranged cat lunges at her from nowhere. She manages to get it off of her, but not without some scratches.

BEA: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!

NICO: Oh that's Muskrat. COWBOY's cat. He already likes you! He even gave you a kiss hello.

BEA rubs her face and realizes she has a large claw mark running down the side of her cheek.

BEA: Is he vaccinated?!

NICO laughs. And MARTIN, watching him laugh, starts to laugh too. The two begin to laugh ridiculously loud, it's practically absurd. Suddenly they stop.

NICO: Alright BEA, I'll let you get settled. You come find me later and I'll teach you to work the front desk.

CUT TO: INT: COWBOY HOSTEL FRONT DESK:

BEA and Nico are at the computer when a German guest approaches, waiting for help. BEA and NICO are so involved that they don't notice him. He tries in vain to get their attention. As a last ditch effort, he fakes a sneeze.

BEA: Gesundheit!

GERMAN GUEST: Ah you speak German!

BEA: What? No. Why would you think that?

GERMAN GUEST: Right. Look I want to report a missing item. It seems my leather wallet has gone missing.

NICO: Oh shit man. When did you see it last?

GERMAN GUEST: Well I definitely had it this morning since I went to the ATM, but I didn't get out that much money.

NICO: Shit man, how much did you have?

GERMAN GUEST: Well I pulled out 10 euros, so about 9,1554 pesos.

NICO: Holy shit man that's like 9 muffins. We need to find that wallet. Was anyone in the room with you?

GERMAN GUEST: Well I noticed it went missing shortly after the French guy showed up. I tried asking him if he had it, but he just smiled and nodded at me. Then gave me a fist bump?

NICO: Shit alright, do you know where he went?

GERMAN GUEST: I remember him saying the word "empanada" a few times before he headed out.

BEA: Let's follow him.

NICO: What?

BEA: Let's follow him! We'll trail behind him like two detectives from the 40s!

NICO: Why the hell would we do that?

BEA: Are you having fun showing me these excel spreadsheets? Come on! It'll be a good way for you to show me around Santiago. WE CAN EVEN GET EMPANADAS ON THE WAY.

NICO: Alright, alright, but if you scream about empanadas again, I will pretend not to know you.

The two proceed to follow MARTIN all day throughout Santiago as he hops from empanada shop to empanada shop. They notice that he pays with a leather wallet at each stop, and are therefore convinced he's stolen it. Along the way, we learn more about BEA, why she left her job, what she's looking to find, and that she's a suspiciously good stalker. We find out her stalking skills come from numerous trips with her friends to stalk her ex-boyfriend, who recently broke up with her. We also find out where NICO is from, and what motivated him to work at the hostel. At some point, the two begin to have so much fun that they completely blow their cover, and run into MARTIN. BEA has no choice but to come clean, and boldly accuses MARTIN of stealing the wallet. He obviously has no idea what they're saying, and after some minutes of miscommunications, they learn MARTIN simply has been searching for the best empanada in the city, paying with his own money. He pulls out his wallet, which is engraved with his initials, and is from a French company. Defeated, the two turn back to tell the German that they unfortunately, could not locate the wallet.

When the German demands reimbursement for his stolen wallet and its contents, BEA must inform COWBOY. She enters COWBOY'S office. COWBOY nowhere in site. The office has cobwebs everywhere, the floors creak and the windows are half broken. There's a chair behind the desk that is facing the other direction. BEA hesitantly calls for COWBOY and only receives silence. She steadily approaches the chair and turns it around, only for MUSKRAT to pounce on her, scratching her neck. MUSKRAT runs to the opposite corner, where BEA notices a collection of various items. Shirts, necklaces, watches, and alas, a leather wallet. COWBOY exits from the office bathroom and angrily finds BEA standing there. BEA explains the situation and COWBOY reassures her that he will return the wallet to the guest. BEA smiles and nods and COWBOY before returning downstairs to inform the German of the good news. We see COWBOY go to return the wallet, but not before taking some pesos. After all, he deserves a reward for his find...

The pilot ends with NICO, BEA, and MARTIN sitting in the main lobby. NICO and MARTIN are playing chess, while BEA writes in her journal. Finally, a simultaneously hungover and drunk JACK enters the room. He asks "What did I miss?" with a heavy Australian accent. "Nothing man" NICO replies. JACK turns to BEA and asks "Who the fuck are you?" BEA replies "I'm the new staffer". JACK says "Good fucking luck" and stumbles away. The camera pans over BEA furiously writing in her journal. We see various details from the day's events, and specifically details about NICO. We see her look up at him longingly. He looks over and smiles. The two share a moment, when suddenly MUSKRAT pounces at BEA's face.

CUT TO BLACK.