Energetic Haircut: Form 47B

Alex hadn’t planned on a haircut.

It was just a post-lunch wander. The village was quaint—cobblestone streets, flower boxes, the kind of place that smelled faintly of cheese and history. He was admiring an especially picturesque well when he noticed it: a small wooden door tucked between two pastel houses, painted with a swirling mandala logo. A sign in elegant lettering read:

“The Energetic Hairdresser – Align Your Vibes, Trim Your Troubles.”

Beneath it, a smaller placard, handwritten:

“Currently undergoing an ENERGY CUT. Please do not disturb. For inquiries, call +41-555-ENERGY.”

Alex tilted his head. Energy cut? Haircut? Same thing, surely. Maybe it was some new-age village gimmick—a little ritual with essential oils, perhaps. He brushed his hair back absently. It had been a while since his last trim. Why not?

He dialed.

A cheerful, automated voice answered:

“Welcome to the Energetic Hairdresser appointment line. To book a haircut, please first register with the Local Energetic Regulation Office. Your compliance maintains universal balance!”

Odd, but not the strangest booking system he’d seen.

The office was conveniently located across the street. Inside, the walls buzzed faintly, like someone had tuned in to a radio station playing static and whale noises. A clerk peered over her bifocals.

“Form 47B?” she asked, before he spoke. “Of course. Here.”

Alex took the clipboard. The form was six pages long, requesting standard details—name, address, zodiac sign, the last time his aura had been professionally flossed. He paused at ‘Declaration of Non-Entanglement with Parallel Self’, but checked the box anyway.

“I just want a quick haircut,” he said.

“Oh, naturally. Just pop next door to the Bureau of Follicular Affairs for strand clearance,” she smiled.

--- --- ---

At the Bureau, the receptionist wore a headset and spoke in whispers.

“Do you have your Strand Integrity Certificate?” she asked.

“My what?”

She sighed. “You'll need to get it validated at the Department of Personal Vibes, down the hall. We can't have unstable follicles mingling with the grid. Protocol.”

Alex scratched his head. His hair felt... longer? Odd. Must be the humidity.

--- --- ---

Hours—or maybe minutes—passed.

Each desk seemed to lead to another.

The Department of Personal Vibes required proof he hadn’t cursed at any houseplants in the last lunar cycle. The Timekeeper’s Guild needed assurance he wasn’t trapped in a temporal hiccup, which unfortunately could only be verified by someone with a certified recent haircut. Which, clearly, he lacked.

By the time he returned to the original clerk, forms in triplicate fluttering, she waved him over with a grim expression.

“Good news!” she chirped. “We’ve fast-tracked your request. You’re approved for preliminary Energetic Alignment.”

Alex ran a hand through his hair. Definitely longer. Tangled now. Tickling his collar.

“So… haircut?”

She handed him a laminated voucher.

“Just present this to the Stylist herself. She’s back from the Energy Cut—but only sees clients with completed paperwork.”

--- --- ---

The Hairdresser’s door creaked open.

Inside: incense, a soft hum of meditative chimes. A tall figure in robes regarded him serenely.

“Ah, you have the paperwork,” she nodded. “Please sit.”

Alex sighed in relief, sinking into the chair.

She hovered behind him, hands almost touching his scalp. “Oh dear,” she murmured.

He froze.

“What?”

A pause.

“While processing, it appears your hair has entered Stage IV Autonomous Growth.”

“…Stage IV what now?”

“Quite common,” she said soothingly. “The paperwork delays—hair adapts, gains a certain… independence. I’m afraid I can’t cut it now without a special permit. Dangerous.”

Alex stared at his reflection. His hair—was that a curl twitching on its own?

She handed him a printed invoice, embossed with gold ink:

SERVICE COMPLETED:

• Advanced Energetic Enhancement (Unintended Growth Package) … 1,473.65 CHF
• Administrative Strand Processing Fee … 87.20 CHF
• Temporal Compliance Surcharge (retroactive) … 312.00 CHF
• Mandatory Aura Alignment Contribution … 50.00 CHF

TOTAL DUE: 1,922.85 CHF

Alex stared at it. He could feel his hair brushing past his shoulders now.

The Hairdresser gave him a serene smile, tilting her head.

“Oh, and—you did remember to bring your towel, didn’t you?”