Why We Are Loved by Those Who Don’t Know How to Love – And Why We Settle for It

The satisfaction in love is not something we learn in schools, but life teaches us—sometimes the hard way. Often, we find ourselves in relationships where we try to love and be loved, but the reality is that the love we receive is not the love we need. It’s curious how we sometimes fall for people who are incapable of reciprocating our love the way we deserve. And while their inability to love us may not come from bad intentions, we often settle for it, believing that something will change.

Why is this? Why do we choose relationships that don’t fulfill us? Why do we stay with people who don’t know—or can’t—love us in the way we truly want?

1. The Need for Love and Acceptance

Our fundamental human need is love and acceptance. This is a key component of our emotional health and well-being. Yet, in our search for love, we tend to mistake superficial signs of affection for real love. If someone loves us “in their own way,” we often perceive that as love, even though it may not be what we truly desire.

When we don’t receive the love we need, we often stay in the relationship because we believe we will eventually get it—perhaps through our unconscious willingness to sacrifice our emotional needs in the name of the relationship.

2. Emotional Insecurity and the Fear of Loneliness

One of the most common reasons we stay in relationships with people who can’t love us the way we want is the fear of loneliness. Loneliness can push us to recognize even bad behavior as love because we believe it’s better than being alone. This insecurity drives us into relationships where we don’t get what we deserve because the fear of emotional emptiness may outweigh the desire for healthy connections.

3. Compensating Through Giving

In many cases, we become “saviors” in relationships, giving much more than we receive. Through giving, we seek validation that we deserve love, which often traps us in a vicious cycle. When we give more than we receive, we tend to interpret it as an act of love, but instead, it’s a way to compensate for the emotional void we feel.

4. Unrealistic Expectations and Idealization of the Partner

There’s also a tendency to idealize partners, believing they will change, that they will become what we want. We accept their flaws as something that can be fixed over time, staying in the relationship and waiting for changes that never happen. Our belief that love can change everything leads us to a reality that isn’t based on facts, but rather on hope.

5. Why Do We Settle for Less?

Finally, the question arises—why do we settle for this? Many of us believe we don’t deserve better love. Unconsciously, we associate love with suffering and recognition of our insecurities. This often happens because we have low self-esteem, haven’t learned how to set healthy boundaries, and believe love should be hard to attain, as though it must be earned. In this process, we forget that love should be free, reciprocal, and unconditional.

Conclusion:

Love is not about finding someone who gives us only partial attention—it’s about finding a partner who loves us in our entirety—with all of our insecurities, virtues, and flaws. By learning to recognize our value, we become capable of seeking and attracting love that fulfills us completely. We must learn to stop sacrificing our emotions in the name of relationships and be honest with ourselves and our needs.

If you feel that someone loves you only partially, maybe it’s time to ask yourself—do you deserve that? And is real love really what you want? By learning to recognize our inner value, we can begin to attract the love that fully embraces us.