Why should I care what people might think about me ?

I just felt what it is like to be when there's plenty of crowd around you, but you are still alone, trying to find a way out for your problem where, people actually care is about their problems, their life. Why would that matter even if I am found dead. Nobody cares actually. Do they? Why would they if I do not benefit them.

I might not be that great human but I am a human who has feelings, thoughts, opinions and moreover who is willing to move forward with dream in mind. All I care is that I don't want any hustle bustle in my life. The more I am growing, the more I am realizing that I actually needed peace not fight. I actually needed love not fear. I actually needed support not judgement. I actually needed experience and success not heartbreaks.

Today, when I was crying because I fell off the scooter or you can actually say moped, I know I should not be crying IN front of those stupid people, but I was hurt actually and I just couldn't control my emotions. I cried, when I was doing so, one lady called me out and asked to stop crying and told me that it's embarrassing and humiliating to cry in front of hundreds of people. At that moment, I felt so down that I didn't feel like arguing. But, my question is why should I care what they think about me. Why is it really necessary for me to show up strong every time. Why do I have to hide my emotions so that I CAN FIT IN within the people whom I don't even know.

That's my life and I can do whatever I want with it. I will cry when I feel like crying and smile when I feel like doing so. I just can't be someone who is always worried what people might think of me and may be they thought I am too weak or too childish but who cares. Today they might about certain opinion about me but tomorrow they won't even remember me. So, what's the point. Why should I give them the power so that they can decide how I should be reacting in certain situation.

When you have an accident, but all they care is about the damage that you have caused to that materialistic thing and make you pay for that, not even asking if you were hurt or not. Does that make sense for me to care about what they think. Shut the fuck up. That ain't gonna happen. You don't know my story and I don't even want to explain that to you.

At least, I am glad that my mother asked me how was I doing, whether I was hurt or not. May be that's how mother's are supposed to be. Always cheer their children's even if something bad has happened.

I LOVE YOU MOM. I hope whenever you read this, you will know your daughter really loves you. She really cares about you even if she doesn't express it more often.

May be all I need is to get the shit OUT of my head and focus on doing the things that really brings the best out of me. May be now, I have started to enjoy my own company, I don't need people to get me out of my problems. I can eventually do that my self. I found a true person that I can fully trust on that is me the one whom I was searching for years and years.

How can I miss to meet this wonderful people inside of me before. May be because I was too occupied by the opinions of other's that I forgot to listen to my own. I feel so bad about that, the people who were of no help now have nothing to do with my life. Now, better mind your own business you fucking people. Don't you dare enter into my life.

I thought making connections would bring change in my life but all I could see is betrayal and worse scenario and the drama that I no longer want to be part of. I am just stuck between what's real and what's fake. God, why do you always do this to me. Why can't I get what I want so badly, while other's get that so easily and some get them even if they don't want it and value and care about it. Why do you do that to me. Why can't I make things fall for me at the first try. Why is it so difficult for me to get even bare minimum when my efforts are above that.

I hope that someday, I will get what I DESERVE and more that I could have imagined of. MAY BE I SHOULD TELL GOD TO TRY ME instead of complaining why things didn't go as per my plan. May be something better is on my way and I should have little more patient to see that coming.