Why Does the Child Not Speak Openly to His Parents from an Early Age?

"How are you?" - nothing; "Something happened, do you look upset?" - it's not OK; "What else did you do at school these days?" - nothing special; "How was your day" - normal; "How's your boyfriend or girlfriend you've been seeing?" - well… Other monosyllabic answers spoke on the run: why from an early age does the child not talk openly to his parents about himself, about his life and the thoughts, feelings, things he goes through?

Perhaps one of the biggest frustrations for parents is to see their child move away from them, not being willing to share things with them in his life. From an early age - close to puberty - the child seems more distant, more indifferent, and seems to avoid any personal discussions with parents.

The conversations become as short and to the point as possible, and when the parents try to get closer to the child, to find out more deeply what he is going through, what problems he might have as if they cannot make contact with him. Sometimes a parent realizes that without checking and insisting, he would know nothing more about his child's life.

So why doesn't the child talk to his parents? From an early age, it is natural for him to distance himself somewhat from his parents and to focus on friendships with children of a similar age. But why such a big precipice? Why can't the parent-child relationship be simpler, more open, more sincere? ).

The child who used to talk about everything with his parents, whose mouth was not silent, becomes, around puberty, a closed book, dumb and blind to their attempts to get involved and get closer.

Why does the child not speak openly to his parents from an early age?

Do parents listen to their children? Sometimes the child has the impression - partly real - that his parents are not listening to him when he tries to talk to them about something. Especially if he tries to talk about something personal, but sees that the parent listens to him only with one ear, being preoccupied with "adult affairs", the child will stop trying to make him listen.

He will consider that the parent is not interested in what he has to say and will consider that the parent does not understand him anyway, so it would be useless to talk to him about his life. When a child tries to get closer, to talk to his parents, he needs to see that he is getting the attention he wants, to see that his parents want to hear what he has to say (not to hear "we're talking later, I'm busy now" or to see that the parent is listening to him while he is watching TV!).

Do parents take their children seriously? Without a hint of malice, a parent can sometimes make his child feel that he is not being taken seriously, that what he has to say is not as important. When a child expresses an opinion, for example, the parent may miss a condescending remark such as, "What do you know, you're just a child?"

Or when the child tries to talk about a problem, the parent may be insensitive and non-empathetic, saying, "These are just children's stuff, you don't know what the real problems are" (no matter how trivial or even funny. it would seem to you a problem of the child, remember that for him it is really a problem and therefore it must be taken seriously and treated with empathy).

Do parents tend to monopolize the conversation? Sometimes, when the child tries to talk to the parents, they forget to listen to him until he says everything he has to say, intervening in conversation with their own opinions, ideas, suggestions, and advice.

A short sample of the conversation: "Mom, I want to tell you that I don't like Professor X, he keeps making jokes about me in front of my classmates." - here, the child is interrupted by the parent, who thinks that he has already learned everything there is to know: "yes, some teachers can be horrible, I understand you, and at your age, I also had a teacher who… .and who…. and do you know what I did? So, bottom line is that we're looking forward to it. "

The parent may conclude too quickly that he has understood what the child wants to say and that he knows what to do; moreover, he tends to offer his own opinions as advice and suggestions, believing that he knows better than the child. He, seeing himself interrupted and seeing that his parents only know how to give advice, tell him what and how to do, will stop talking to them.

Parents criticize too much? Some children do not talk about personal things with their parents, do not open up, do not share because they are afraid of the classic reaction: that of criticism. Nothing is more inhibiting than wanting to talk openly with someone and hear how you are being criticized!

Does the child feel that he has to be careful with everything he says, that he always has to say the "right" thing? Do parents have too insistent a tendency to correct, criticize the child when in fact he is looking for a little attention, a little listening, a little support? Do parents tend to turn any discussion into a moralistic discourse or a rulebook?

Do parents speak openly to their children? Why doesn't a child talk to his parents anymore? Maybe because he notices that they don't talk to him about their life and various aspects of the family. He sees that he is excluded, as a child, from "serious" discussions and sees that his parents do not share personal things with him.

He sees them worried, frustrated, but he is never told much again. She hears them talking seriously to each other, but she knows he won't be asked anything. Then why would he come to his father to talk to him? If they are close to him, so will he! Parents tend to think that a child should not be involved in decisions and that he does not need to know various aspects of family relationships, budget, shopping, etc.

Of course, some issues should not be discussed with a child - but the more involved he is, the more open and sincere he is shown, the more willing he will be to open up, to talk to his parents about his life. Here, there is a great lack in family relationships: the child does not feel like an active member of the family, he is excluded…