Why Dating a Mama’s Boy Is a Red Flag for Most Women

Relationships are complicated. Adding a mama’s boy to the mix makes it exhausting. These types of men have no idea what they want out of a relationship.

I have dated a really great guy who adores women, but he couldn’t do anything on his own. When he moved into his apartment, his parents bought all the furniture and decorated it because he had never shopped on his own and didn’t know how.

He couldn’t cook, not even a fried egg. He usually ate fast food; he just had to reheat it. Sometimes I had to remind him to brush his teeth or hair; otherwise, he would completely forget about it.

His mom still bought all his clothes and groceries. He would pick the stuff out in a gift card. Then she would pay and deliver them to his place because he lived very close under his parent’s watch.

His mom picks out the outfits he wears to work. Sometimes, I would watch as she helped him select his outfit via video calls late at night, or she would come over very early in the morning to pick out his outfit for the day.

His parents were so overprotective that he never learned how to be independent. He wasn’t even allowed to use the washing machine because his mother was too afraid that he might break it.

As much as I liked how respectful and obedient he was, I couldn’t tolerate his dependence on his mom for more than a week. Yes, that’s the much I could take. I was practically dating a child, and it was f**king depressing.

I think some mothers intentionally raise their boys to be dependent on them so they never leave their control. Anytime I try to get through my ex, his mom will make him spend the night at their family home.

If you are dating a man-child, he is one of the worst mistakes you can ever make, and here is why.

They are dismissive when you do things their mama hates

Mama’s boys get a reputation for being soft, but don’t mistake his closeness with his mother for weakness everywhere else. For all you know, she taught him how to stand up for himself. They may start with a small objection, like “You know I hate cream cheese frosting! Why would you buy me this cake?” But it escalates beyond meal choices. It can affect their investment plans too. If his mom doesn’t approve of the neighborhood, you can kiss goodbye to that apartment you love so much.

They blame you for tearing up their “mother-son” bond

Mama’s boys never learn to stand up for themselves and will not back you over their mother at any cause. You may even notice that early in the relationship. You are constantly insulted or corrected because of her mother. The dynamics of one of these men are so childish and strong that you probably can’t change it. Even if you do, they may be met with resentment. Their words can be very hurtful if you do things that don’t impress the mother.

They act too needy like children

It’s okay to be needy sometimes. To enjoy the company of your partner, to ask for advice and help when you are in trouble. But it’s not okay to allow your need to consume them. You know how children need their mothers when they have a scary dream at night or are teased by their friends at school? These mama’s boys behave just like that. If they have problems with work, are laughed at by friends, or need help with housework, they will come to you. They like being pampered, and as their woman, that duty falls on you.

They ignore your boundaries

Those who end up marrying these men toil a rough road because they are forced to deal with their mother-in-law setting boundaries and creating rules in the relationship. Sometimes his mother will come over unannounced and go to the kitchen just to prepare his favorite meal as if you are starving her son. Their mothers can lay on their beds and intrude on their sex life. He will support any boundary his mom breaks and will follow any rules his mom creates, which will often bridge your relationship and personal boundaries.

They are never in control of their life

Being a mama’s boy is the red flag, period. You think it’s good that he’s controllable because he’ll transfer the controls to you. But that won’t happen. His mum will always be in control of his life, yours, and that of your children. A mama’s boy will always put your needs and feelings second to his mom’s, even when her feelings are unproductive or spiteful. You won’t even be able to respectfully defend yourself because he’ll swear you’re attacking his most loyal confidant.

They are hesitant to make plans for the future

These guys don’t know what they are looking for in love. They are usually commitment-phobic, which makes sense. If you’re dating a guy who gets mama’s approval on anything, he will avoid conversations about the future because he will need to speak to his mom about it first. There’s a good chance he’s unsure if he can see himself committed to you in the long term if his mum doesn’t approve of you. So he will encourage you to kiss up to his mum first if you want him to commit to a long-term relationship with you.

They make you the second fiddle

Comparing you with his mom might be easier for you to handle than a comparison to his ex. But if this happens too often, you will start to feel insecure in the relationship because everything you do will seem not good enough compared to the way his mom does it. They want you to prepare their cheeseburger just the way Mama does it. Pamper and care for him like you are their mother, and when you don’t, you become the worst person they have ever met. If you eventually have children with him, his mom will deny you the joy of motherhood because she believes you won’t be a good mom, just as you are not a partner.

Parting thoughts

Mama’s boys are far more extreme than just obedient children who love and respect their mom. These men will never think for themselves. Their addiction to their mothers will destroy your relationship, your self-esteem, your future, or all three.

So date a man who is good to his mother, who respects and listens to his mother, but who also stands up for himself. Date a man who won’t allow his mother to push the boundaries in his romantic relationships.

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About author

Jessey Anthony is a motivational speaker, fitness coach and relationship expert who helps people become confident in themselves in any challenges they face in life. Sign up to my newsletter & more cool stuff.

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