Which People Should You Avoid to Protect Your Well-being?

Stay away from "energy drainers."

Some people are not inherently bad, but they consistently leave you feeling physically and mentally exhausted.

They may not intend any harm, but spending too much time with them will cause your energy to drain rapidly and your vitality to wither away.

These people are what we call "energy drainers," and they might fall into the following categories:

The Five Types of Energy Drainers

① The Perpetual Complainer: Unsatisfied with everything, yet unwilling to change anything.

Their most common refrains are: "Oh well, whatever!" or "My life is so miserable!" Their focus isn't on "wanting to improve," but rather on "wanting someone to listen."

You offer advice, and they reply, "It's useless!" You try to comfort them, and they say, "What do you know?" Over time, you'll realize you can't help them solve their problems; you're simply their free emotional dumping ground.

② The Guilt-Tripper: The person who uses guilt to emotionally blackmail you—if you don't help, you owe them.

These people make you feel that not doing what they say is incredibly cruel. They often say, "I'm doing this for your own good!" or "You don't care about me anymore!"

They sound like they care about you, but they are actually trying to control you. Their most cunning tactic is to make you feel guilty after you've invested so much effort.

③ The Anxiety Amplifiers: The person who keeps you constantly on edge—always tense, always warning.

These people magnify anxiety.

You mention you want to change jobs, and they reply, "The economy is so bad right now; what if you don't find another one?" You say you want to take the kids on a trip, and they say, "There's a pandemic going around!"

After talking to them, your once peaceful mind is clouded over. They aren't intentionally trying to discourage you; they are simply living in a state of anxiety, and they pass that anxiety on to you.

④ The Suffocator: The person who breaks down if you don't immediately reply to their messages.

These people constantly need a response, reassurance, and companionship.

If you don't have time to reply, they question, "Are you trying to ignore me?" You just want to rest, but they immediately become anxious: "Did I say something wrong?" Being with this kind of person is like being trapped, without the freedom to breathe fresh air.

⑤ The Competitor: The person who constantly compares themselves to others: Your happiness makes them anxious; your disappointment makes them feel at ease.

These people don't know how to genuinely appreciate each other's successes; they always need to be "better than you."

You mention you recently got a promotion, and they reply, "But the salary wasn't that much, was it?" You say your child got into their dream school, and they say, "Ah! My friend's child did even better."

Being with them makes happy things seem ordinary, and ordinary things seem terrible. This is because they aren't trying to connect with you, but rather to compete.

Protecting Your Personal Reserves

The common trait of "energy drainers" is that they outsource their emotions to others.

They cannot manage their own anxiety, loneliness, or unease, so they constantly dump these emotions onto others. When you graciously accept them, they feel temporarily relieved, but you are left exhausted.

When you find yourself needing a long time to calm down after being with someone, it's a clear signal to remind yourself: it's time to conserve your energy.

Three Strategies to Protect Your Energy

Here are three suggestions on how to protect yourself when dealing with an "energy drainer":

Maintain Distance and a Healthy Boundary.

If possible, stay away from them or reduce interaction, drawing a physical boundary. For example, reduce contact, reply more slowly, or shorten meeting times.

Maintaining distance is not being cold; it's about having breathing space for yourself.

Acknowledge Their Presence, but Don't Absorb Their Emotions.

You can understand the reasons behind their sadness, anxiety, and complaints, but that doesn't mean you have to bear the responsibility for their feelings.

When they start pouring out negative energy, simply respond calmly, "I understand you're having a hard time." Don't rush to offer advice or empathize too deeply.

"Understanding" is enough; "taking on" is unnecessary. This is about drawing a psychological boundary.

Give Yourself Time to Recharge.

Even if you maintain a certain distance from the "energy drainer," you will still be affected.

Remember to do things that help you regain calm, relax, and recharge.

Perhaps it's enjoying a cup of coffee, taking a walk, reading a good book, or writing down your feelings—all are wonderful options. Or, if you have someone around you with boundless, self-generating energy, ask them for a hug.

Only when you have abundant energy can you connect with others in a healthy and sustainable way.

Thank you for reading!