When is The Right Time For Your Foreign Partner To Meet Your Family?

As long as you didn’t take her to your parents on the first date, you should be good. You can’t get any worse than that.

Truth be told, it should be after a certain amount of time before you even decide to entertain the idea of introducing her to your family. The moment you let her meet your family is the moment you want to merge your family life with your love life. It doesn’t seem much if you look at it from an outsider’s perspective, but it’s huge for you and your partner.

It is often tempting to introduce your partner to your family early in the relationship. Maybe it’s because you want to prove to your family that you can easily get back up on your feet in terms of relationships. Maybe it’s because you see that she and your family will definitely get along.

Maybe you just want to get married quickly because you think you already should be at your age.

The thing is, you can’t hurry that up. You’re not the only one involved in this decision. You have to think about your partner and what she thinks about all this. You have to think about your family and wonder if they will receive her well without any issue or drama.

You have to think about a lot of things.

How long have you two been dating?

According to Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist as well as a relationship coach, “The right time will depend upon the relationship stage and the second stage is when this often happens. The second stage is when the couple has passed the early excitement and getting to know one another time and has moved into a relationship that is deeper and where bonding begins to occur.”

Each relationship reaches the second stage in its own time. Coleman believes that those who are in long-distance relationships, especially, might take longer to reach this stage.

Compared to couples who see each other on a daily basis, they might take to talking about each other’s families a lot easier and faster than the others.

Rori Sassoon, a relationship expert, says “It's not about the length of time that you know them … it's about the emotional feeling that you have with each other, the bond you have made, your shared goals, and how well you know what works for you both.”

Go for what feels right for you two

Discuss with your partner when you should start introducing each other to your families. Ask her how she feels about it. This cannot be done unless you’ve discussed this with her. She will be the one meeting your family. Nothing happens until she tells you how she feels about it.

Going with your feelings is the best way to see if you two are ready for this. Waiting is a smart thing to do but going with what feels right is good too, if not better. Her input is the most important part here because if she isn’t willing to meet your family and you force her into it anyway, it could end in a rather vicious argument.

Tracy K. Ross, a therapist, states “After you've been dating someone for six months, you know them in a deeper more substantial way and you will be less likely to be influenced by your family's opinion or reaction.”

Wait if you must, but most of all, wait until you two are comfortable with the idea.

Remember that she’s a foreigner

You also need to remember that if she’s meeting your family, then you’re also meeting hers.

While the majority of young people around the world now speak English, this is not always the case for older generations. One of the lessons you need to learn about being in an intercultural relationship is that while your partner can speak English, her parents will most likely not know what you're talking about unless you speak their common tongue.

If your significant other does not try to translate everything for you when you're visiting, not being able to communicate with them correctly will undoubtedly become a problem. Communicating with her parents is going to prove difficult. So you’re going to have to do everyone a favor by learning a bit of her language in order to get your point across once you start talking.

Aside from the language barrier, there’s the culture and race differences.

Some countries can be very xenophobic and borderline racist. If you’re unlucky enough and get in-laws that are very disapproving of your relationship, it will no doubt cause problems. Forget the language barrier, you have a whole can of worms to open up here.

It’s best not to fight them on why she chose you. What you can do is show them that you aren’t a bad choice and that every bad stereotype there is about your race is wrong by being a gentleman.

For one thing, you should show them that you treasure their daughter. Don’t just put up a show for them. Her parents will definitely ask her behind your back what you’re like so you have to make sure that you’ve been a great lover throughout your relationship.

Now you just have to remember that you might have family members of your own that have negative views on your partner’s race.

If she gives the go

When she agrees to be introduced to your family, here is what you can do.

• Keep it as brief as possible
• Build up her confidence
• Remind her it’s your opinion that matters
• Fill her in on family dynamics
• Warn her about your less-than-friendly relatives (racist grandparents, weird uncle with tasteless jokes, nosy aunt that can’t keep her mouth shut and so on)
• But leave out the baggage
• Tell her about family traditions
• Never leave her alone for too long
• Bring a gift
• Remind her that this meeting is a good thing
• RELAX

Above all, treat this as something good

Most people do it to get it out of the way, especially those with family members that have been asking about meeting the partner.

Whether you are doing it for that reason or not, you now at least know when you can let them meet. Not to mention you now know what to do.

Remember: it’s all about time and feeling. Wait for you to get comfortable with the idea, okay? And don’t forget to ask your partner what she thinks.