When Hearts Change

The older you get, the more you realize that forever is nothing but an illusion. It only exists in fairy tales. Even fairy tales get old too, no matter how timeless they all seem to be.

I am talking about love … and how it transforms without a pause. How it lives and why it may die. How it can resurrect or stays buried forever, like some forgotten treasure or something else un-revived.

When we were kids, we believed in fairy tales and fantasies. We bought the illusion of ‘forever’. That was why it was hard for us to accept separation and loss.

It takes a while to realize the true nature of love which has always been – unpredictable. It doesn’t matter what we do and how hard we try. As we grow old and go through real life, anything can still happen.

This is the world where anything goes …

To some of us, it is easier to accept that human hearts change. That way, when you don’t get what you want in terms of love, you won’t feel too disappointed. Yes, you’ll still feel sad, especially since it must mean a lot to you.

Hopefully, you won’t be ruined for life. After all, it is still your personal choice to heal the wounds, pick up the pieces, and then move on. Life does not wait on you.

It never waits for anyone …

There are countless theories about love and how to make romance work. Some are workable, others are bogus. Don’t ask me which is which. I don’t want to be (held) responsible for suggesting the wrong tips when it comes to finding (and hopefully keeping) love.

We all come from different life experiences. One shoe does not fit all. Just because one strategy works for you does not mean it’ll give others the same result(s) too. It’s only what you may suggest, not enforce. The rest is not (always) up to you. That also includes the (possible) result(s).

When romance fails and a breakup or divorce occurs, it’s often easier and faster to play the blame game. It’s the same thing with unrequited love. Why? How could this happen to me? I thought I did all the right things. What went wrong? Was I not good enough?

Was the other person simply mean and ungrateful, especially after all I’d done for them, just to keep them happy?

We also often face the blame, criticisms, and judgments from other people outside the broken relationship. How come? What have you done? Maybe you did something that had pissed them off. You should’ve done this. You shouldn’t have done that!

It’s the same thing with romance that doesn’t materialize at all. You may feel that you’re not good enough. You may also blame the other person too for not accepting your love for them. You know … the Nice Guy/Girl/Whatever Syndrome.

Other people may blame you too and accuse you of awful things. You were trying too hard. No, you weren’t trying hard enough. You’re too picky. You’re too quiet. You’re too aggressive. You’re too desperate.

Either way, you can never win. This is why some people choose to keep their love lives a secret. Their romantic status is not to be disclosed. One of the most famous accusations in love’s epic fails is this: “You don’t love yourself enough. No wonder you keep choosing the wrong partner. No wonder you keep breaking up.”

It’s no surprise that you wail over the lost love long enough. Too long, according to them, especially over someone unworthy of your tears. Still, how do they know if that’s actually what you always do after each breakup? What if you’re actually crying over you own wasted time, energy, thoughts, and feelings over that wrong person?

The truth is, it’s always easy to overly generalize everything. In reality, it’s not always accurate. What if you really do love yourself? What if they’re the ones who mistreat you and just don’t love you enough – or at all?

Another popular accusation and judgment to the jilted lovers may include these:

“How could you be so stupid?”

“You should’ve seen it coming … “

“If only you had been more careful … “

“This is what happens to you when you get too confident/desperate … “

Once again, it’s the blame game, right? Maybe it’s true in some cases. In reality, nobody wants to get an unpleasant partner. Not everyone is 100% skillful in mindreading. I mean, how are they supposed to know? They probably might … in time. Even if they have already been as careful – even vigilant – as possible, anything can still happen to them.

Anyone can still get hurt …

If that is the case, then let’s just stop being such arrogant know-it-alls. The blame game never really helps. The jilted and the heartbroken have felt bad enough already with their situation, whatever the reason is.

Change is the only certain thing in life. Like it or not, that includes us. We all change, even just a little and if the progress is slow. It’s bound to happen, one way or another.

Anything constant and continuous requires effort and commitment. In relationships, it takes two to tango. What happens if you’ve already done your part while the other still hasn’t? What if it’s even worse, they feel they have – but the truth is actually far from it?

Once again, we all have choices. In that situation, you could choose to stay and give the other person another chance to make it right. You could choose to endure all the pain – in silence or else – if they still hurt you the same way … or even worse …

You could also liberate yourself from the relationship that no longer serves you. Sometimes there’s only so much that you can do … with an already changed heart.

R.