When Does the Influence of the Parents on the Couple, When It Is Beneficial, and When It Has Negative Effects?

About the influence of parents on the couple - often, although they have very good intentions, the parents of young partners can do more harm than good! A parent will often look at his or her now-mature child as his or her child - that is why he or she will want to intervene in his or her life with advice or his or her own opinion…

The influence of the parents on the couple, on the two lovers, is sometimes undesirable, because the partners may feel that they are violating their privacy by indiscreet questions or unsolicited advice or by their presence in the couple's life. And sometimes the only way to show them that they are insistent or too present is to tell them (respectfully, but clearly)…

About the influence of parents on the couple:

Parental advice. It is like the parent to want what is best for his child, but also to consider that sometimes he knows better what is good for his child! So sometimes parents just want to give some wise advice to their two young lovers.

But they overtake without realizing the limit, making their partners feel like children controlled by their parents. Some advice can be valuable, but a parent often has the style of advising as if only he knows what is and what is wrong…

And when the parents of one of the partners somehow violate the privacy of the couple by indiscreet questions ("how do you get along? "," When are you more serious? "," Are you happy? "," Do you have an intimate relationship? "," Does he love you? "Etc.) and offers advice without being asked (" should you make a plan for the future "," you should be more serious "," I'll tell you how to make him/her happy, I only know the best "etc.), then the situation is not very pleasant…

Criticisms of the chosen partner. When we talk about the influence of parents on the couple, this is often a problem: parents are not satisfied and happy with the choice made by their child! And because they want what is best for their child, they will always want a better partner, not realizing that it would be preferable not to interfere in the young person's intimate life.

Thus, they will express their dissatisfaction more or less subtly, highlighting the defects and shortcomings of the chosen partner. Trying to "open the eyes of your dear naive child"… Hoping, perhaps, that if they give their opinion, their child will think better and look for that perfect partner, ideal… they only do harm, first of all, because they do not think that if the young man/woman is happy with the chosen partner, then this is enough.

Moreover, their criticisms give rise to discussions in the couple ("yours always criticizes me and judges me unjustly"), discussions that can lead to conflicts (when the other feels the instinctive need to excuse his parents: "they are good, just exaggerate "-" no, they are not good, they are horrible and annoying "-" no, they are not so "-" so I am wrong, as usual,"etc.).

Another effect of the father's criticism is to remove the young man, who sees that he is not understood, that his happiness is not cherished, and that his parents are trying to control and influence him. He becomes even closer to his partner, moving away from his parents who could not refrain from intervening in his love life.

Pressure on the couple. About the influence of the parents on the couple - perhaps the parents of the two partners put the most pressure on them. "If you love each other, show it," "Don't you think it's time to take the big step?" "…

A parent wants happiness for his child and of course, he imagines that happiness as the way to the altar, a big and beautiful wedding, marriage, children… And often he does not even realize how much pressure he puts on the young person, all talking about the big step… The young couple only suffers if they are subjected to such pressures. In general, the young man (but sometimes the young woman) is only tempted to do the opposite!

If his parents keep pressuring him about the future, marriage, sitting at home, the young man instinctively wants him not to listen, to show them that he is not like them, that they have no right to tell him what and how to do.

And the young woman may have the same rebellious reaction or may begin to feel inadequate, as if her parents are subtly conveying to her "how she hasn't taken you yet, why you haven't been able to sit in your house yet."? "Astfel And so she begins to worry and find problems where they are not, wondering why her boyfriend still does not want to ask her to marry him (although without external pressure, she would not have asked so many questions).

And what happens next many times? The young woman, in turn, begins to put some pressure on her boyfriend - and he will be tempted to do the exact opposite, not to do what is expected of him. The pressures are very harmful, they only make a person want to protest or feel criticized, inadequate…

Parental help. The influence of parents on the couple can also be seen in a good way - they are often the ones who offer support (material and sometimes emotional) to young people. Some help them with their financial part and even with household chores.

But… the only small problem arises when the parent thinks that he deserves something from the help given to the young partners: "I did so much for you, you don't even listen to me / help me"… A parent should support and it helps the child when he is in power - but he should try not to expect a reward.

Instead, sometimes the parent considers that he has the right, following his support, to intervene in the life of the partners more than he should, to ask them various things…

Parental presence - living with the parent. Finally, speaking of the influence of parents on the couple, today's reality shows that many young partners do not have the opportunity to live together - so they live with the parents of one of them! And even if there is an agreement in the house, the situation is far from good for the couple.

Two partners need privacy, their personal space, in which to create their life together. And no matter how discreet their parents may be, their mere presence in the house destroys the idea of ​​intimacy. Of course, it is not anyone's fault, this is often the only solution.

But partners must look for at least moments of intimacy, to be open when their parents violate their privacy, and at the same time to look for possible solutions so that living with their parents does not prolong.

And parents should try to intervene as little as possible in their relationship, be discreet and limit their tendency to believe that they know what is best (sometimes they need to be told)…