When Conviction Meets Conversation: My Continuing Reflection on Chick-fil-A by Shane Windmeyer

More than a decade has passed since I first sat across from Dan Cathy, the CEO of Chick-fil-A. At the time, the company’s public opposition to same-sex marriage and donations to anti-LGBTQ+ organizations had sparked national outrage—and deep personal pain within the LGBTQ+ community, myself included. It was a moment that called for protest, for public accountability, and yes, for truth.

But I chose something different as well. I chose to talk. I chose to engage in a conversation that many told me not to have. I chose to sit down with someone I profoundly disagreed with—not because I was naïve, and not because I wanted to make peace at the expense of justice, but because I’ve always believed that the most transformative change happens in the places we least expect it.

And while the public conversation has moved on, the lessons from that experience still shape how I think about diversity, equity, and inclusion today.

Not Every Table Is Safe—But Some Are Necessary

Let me start by saying: not everyone has the privilege or desire to sit down with those who’ve harmed their community. That’s valid. Some tables aren’t safe, and some conversations aren’t worth the emotional labor.

But for me, as someone who lives and works in the American South, bridge-building has never been optional—it’s essential. I’ve spent my life navigating conservative institutions, religious communities, and corporate spaces that weren’t built with people like me in mind. And I’ve learned that sometimes, when you can’t change a system from the outside, you step inside and start asking better questions.

My meeting with Dan Cathy wasn’t about reconciliation. It was about responsibility. It was about asking, “Do you know how your choices impact real people?” and “Are you willing to hear the truth from someone you don’t agree with?”

That kind of courage—on both sides—is rare. But it’s where the possibility for transformation lives.

Beyond Performative Politics

We live in a culture that often confuses visibility with value. A rainbow-colored logo in June. A vague solidarity post after a tragedy. These gestures can feel hollow, especially when they aren’t backed by sustained, structural change.

My conversation with Chick-fil-A wasn’t about optics. There were no cameras. No press releases. Just two people showing up, not to perform, but to connect.

And that, to me, is the difference between performative DEI and authentic DEI.

Authentic DEI work happens in uncomfortable rooms. It’s messy. It requires humility. It requires people to listen without jumping to defend themselves, and to lead without needing applause.

If we want to move from surface-level diversity to deep equity, we need more of these real, raw moments. We need more people willing to sit in the tension.

What Changed—and What Didn't

To be clear, Chick-fil-A did not suddenly become a model for LGBTQ+ inclusion. But over time, the company did shift aspects of its charitable giving, notably stepping away from organizations with a documented history of anti-LGBTQ+ positions.

Was it perfect? No. Was it enough? That depends on who you ask. But here’s what I know: my conversations helped move a needle that many believed was permanently stuck. Not because I had power over Chick-fil-A—but because I chose engagement over erasure.

What changed was not just policy. What changed was perspective. Dan Cathy began to hear stories that hadn’t been part of his worldview. He saw the pain behind the politics. And that matters. Not more than action—but alongside it.

Criticism Is Part of the Work

I was criticized harshly for meeting with Chick-fil-A. Some in the LGBTQ+ community accused me of legitimizing a company that had caused harm. Others thought I had been used for PR. I understood the anger. I carried that same anger myself.

But I also believe in nuance. I believe in second chances, when they are earned. I believe in strategic dialogue—not to appease power, but to challenge it with humanity.

We can’t build inclusive cultures without making space for complexity. That means acknowledging that even those who disagree with us are capable of growth. That justice can include relationship. And that healing requires hard conversations—not just hashtags.

The Bigger Picture: Why DEI Needs Bravery

Today, DEI efforts are under pressure like never before. Political pushback. Budget cuts. Fatigue. Fear. In that climate, we must remember: DEI was never meant to be comfortable. It was meant to be transformational.

And transformation doesn’t happen in echo chambers.

It happens when we take the risk to engage. When we hold people accountable and give them room to evolve. When we expand the conversation to include—not silence—those who are willing to listen.

The DEI work that changes cultures doesn’t just include training modules or HR handbooks. It includes people—brave people—willing to reach across lines of difference without sacrificing their truth.

Final Thoughts: Keep Showing Up

I don’t know what every organization should do when facing a crisis of inclusion. But I do know this: authentic DEI work requires us to stay at the table—especially when it gets hard.

You don’t have to meet with every critic. You don’t have to forgive every offense. But you do have to choose courage over comfort. Again and again.

Because the future of inclusion isn’t just built by policies. It’s built by people who choose to stay, to speak, and to lead when others walk away.

If we want to build workplaces—and a world—where everyone belongs, we can’t just shut doors when things get complicated.

Sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is open them.

– Shane Windmeyer

LGBTQ+ Advocate | DEI Strategist | Educator

Charlotte, North Carolina