What to Do and What Not to Do During an Important Discussion

Some conversations do not go as expected, even if you have been intensely prepared for them and have tried to discover all the viable options.

But that doesn't mean you have to give up and let go of all the important conversations. Remember that in a recent scientific study, about 91 percent of the 1,000 employees surveyed by a wide variety of companies claim that their superiors suffer from communication problems.

The data collected by scientists indicates that most people in senior positions often miss incredibly important opportunities that could help them gain much more trust from their subordinates.

As a person who has held leadership positions for more than 25 years, I know very well how important honest and open communication is between superiors and subordinates, but I did not reach this agreement immediately - and I stumbled several times.

And while I'm not at all proud of these failures in the communication process, they taught me some very important life lessons, which have been useful to me many times in my managerial career, including how to fix a "split" relationship and how to make communication more constructive.

Now I know perfectly well what to do if I have a conversation on an important topic and what not to do in any case, and based on this I have developed some of the most important rules of communication in any situation:

1. Get the "script" of the conversation out of your head

To be successful in negotiating an important topic, you certainly need to be prepared for it. But there is a big difference between compiling notes that can be used to convince your interlocutor of your innocence and compiling a ready-made script that your interlocutor must strictly follow for the conversation to continue constructively. Such a scenario will not help you in any way, but it can hurt.

"A complex conversation works best when you think of it as a normal conversation," says Holly Weeks, author of Communication Failures.

Why is the conversation pre-scheduled, as in the script, doomed to failure? Yes, because your interlocutor does not know about your scenario, neither in sleep nor in spirit, and he does not imagine at all that he should "respond" to your remarks. Is it any wonder that such conversations become more tense, awkward, and unnatural?

If you want a conversation on an important topic to be more productive and natural, make a list of issues that you need to discuss, but otherwise, be flexible and let the conversation flow naturally.

2. Don't go around the topic of conversation

If you are leading the discussion, then during important conversations, you should express your thoughts as clearly and unambiguously as possible. Start a meeting with a statement about what you intend to achieve with it and ask those present to do the same. Then start a discussion on the topic and do not hesitate to be interested in the opinions of all participants in the discussion.

3. Try to put yourself in the shoes of the other person

We all have our own life experience, which leads to the formation of a unique belief system… This is quite normal and natural, but we should not assume that our interlocutor has the same life experience and beliefs, especially during discussions. on important topics.

Any conversation has two crucial parts, so always try to keep track of your interlocutor's situation. Look at the issue discussed from your point of view…

And then try to answer a simple question: what does your subordinate think about all this? And if you can't give an unambiguous answer, ask him directly.

If you try to understand your subordinate and watch what happens with his eyes, he will be much better prepared for productive communication.

4. Don't go on the defensive

When the conversation starts to take an unpleasant turn for you, you take on the role of victim with great ease and brush with emotional thorns, like a hedgehog, but this is exactly the tactic to avoid, like the plague.

Trying to transfer all the blame to your interlocutor or expressions like "I don't like your position!" or, he says, "Don't make my job easier!" not only does it not make the conversation more constructive, but it makes you look like you don't care about your subordinate's opinions or feelings.

Instead, acknowledge that you have a role to play in this discussion and try to find a solution to this problem with the employee.

5. Show at least a little sympathy

Yes, conversations on complex and difficult topics are not always pleasant, but sympathy can help you to convey unpleasant news to your interlocutor, no less honest, but with great attention to his feelings.

Communicating with subordinates on important topics is never easy - especially when subordinates do not respond to your words at all, as expected.

But even if some discussions do not bring you the expected results, it will still be a valuable experience for you. After an exhausting conversation, take the time to think carefully about what happened and realize that it went well, that it is not much, and that you can change in the future.

In combination with transparency, the ability to listen and hear, and the ability to sympathize with the other person, this can make even the most complex conversations much easier and more productive.