What Is Your Emotional Baggage and How Can It Get You Stuck

You may have heard of the term "emotional baggage", which means everything that remains after an intimate relationship, which, whether you like it or not, you continue to carry on. We all generally go through a breakup with a partner, and when it comes to a long and important relationship, it goes without saying that we can't move on too quickly. We are left with this baggage, with resentments, with unresolved problems - and it is up to us to heal ourselves, to leave step by step where it belongs.

Although it is rarely easy to do, it is necessary, metaphorically speaking, to empty our backpack so that new things can fit in it, without being "contaminated" by the old ones. Although sometimes you may think that starting a new relationship is a good way to forget and start a new life, you must first feel somewhat prepared. And you have to solve some things that still grind you.

Otherwise, a new relationship will be just that kind of "dressing-relationship", which allows you to occupy your time without thinking about your ex-partner, but which leads nowhere.

What does emotional baggage mean and why does it keep us from having a new love affair?

♠ Unresolved emotions and resentments - often, after a breakup, we not only regret what could have been and what we lost, but we also face an overwhelming diversity of emotions. Pain, sadness, anger, guilt - and the list goes on. The worst part is that you can't open up to another person, you can't show your heart, as long as you continue to feel such emotions.

On the contrary, it is quite possible to pour these feelings of bitterness and anger on the person with whom you are trying to resume your life. You may have sadness or nervous breakdowns with your new potential partner, and he or she will not understand exactly what is wrong with you.

And if you explain to him that you are left with pain or anger in your soul, it is the new person in your life may: who would want to start a relationship with someone who has not yet freed himself from his ex ??

Some resolve these remaining emotions through discussions with the ex-partner, others through various therapies and exercises, through new activities, by making friends, and/or throwing mud at the ex-partner. Others are waiting for time to heal them - but until then, this baggage is too heavy to allow you to move forward…

♠ Fears born of separation - but the emotions you are left with are not everything, unfortunately! Following a painful breakup, some fears have arisen recently. The fear that this will always be the case, the fear that you have not been good enough, the fear that you will never find someone like that, the fear that you are somehow cursed to live alone.

These fears will influence your feelings, thoughts, actions and will prevent you from reopening your heart, living with passion again. They'll even stop you from trying to date someone new.

Following them, a severe lack of trust is born: a heavy separation makes you lose your trust in others, your trust in yourself, even your love. How can you start a relationship when you don't trust someone else, always have doubts, or when you no longer trust yourself?

It is difficult to regain both the ability to love and confidence. But without them, what's left? The emotional baggage of the past…

♠ Hope that blocks you - perhaps the most difficult part of the emotional baggage is the love you still feel. Whether you have been betrayed, lied to, deceived, abandoned, even if you feel repulsion and anger, love does not die in a day or two, no matter how much you want it to happen. Sometimes you love another person who has meant a lot to you after years.

But this remnant of love not only blocks the birth of new love but perversely offers a certain hope - the hope that you will reconcile with your ex-partner, sooner or later. Even if such a possibility existed, it is very clear that living with such a small thought will make it impossible to start a new satisfying and meaningful relationship…

Yes, some will always love the partners who have played an important role in our lives: but that love must be cleared of a different kind, to be rather platonic, separated from the real possibility of a reconciliation. There is nothing wrong with still having an affection for a loved one from the past, but that affection should not be confused with the love you shared a long time ago.

♠ Unjustified comparisons between the past and the present - but here's the baggage hiding something else… Namely, the temptation to make unfair and often unrealistic comparisons between your past and present partner. And the worst part is that it often happens that these comparisons (which have no place anyway) take advantage of the past. We all have a certain nostalgia and we tend to idealize it: how beautiful it was !! (even when it wasn't that great).

But the comparison between a boyfriend/girlfriend from the past and a boyfriend/girlfriend is the perfect recipe for disaster. You will not be satisfied, and the present partner of the couple will certainly not be flattered by any comparison (no, not even when it is in his favor). Any self-respecting person wants to be appreciated and loved for who they are, not compared to anyone in the past.