What Did He Just Say?

My father (who’s in his 80’s) lost his 16-year-old Shih Tzu this year. Pulmonary Edema. Her lungs would fill up with fluid and had to be drained every other week.

He called me one night and told me she didn’t have much time left. She died the next day. He was devastated.

Weeks passed, and he finally couldn’t take it anymore. He called and said, “I need a puppy”.

My sister found a breeder and I told Dad I’d go get her. The app said it would take about 2 hours to get there. If I left early I could get to Dad’s by lunch.

About 15 minutes from the breeder’s house I stopped at a fast food place for coffee. I put on my mask (pandemic…) and got out of my truck.

I still think about what happened next.

As I got out, three guys walked out of the restaurant. They were construction workers. Hats, tool belts, steel toe shoes. I did that kind of work when I was younger. It’s a tough job.

To set up what happened next, let me tell you what they saw.

They saw a guy in his sixties with white hair. Five foot seven, thin, maybe 140 pounds. He had on blue jeans and a long-sleeve t-shirt.

They saw an old guy getting out of a truck.

As I walked towards the door the guy closest to me looked over and said, “Hey, only faggots wear masks that match their outfit”.

What did he just say?

The guy was young, twenty-something, and his tone was angry, condescending. What did he say? I kept on walking, trying to process what I had just heard. Faggot? Matching? Who says outfit? It took me a second to connect my mask and shirt… they were the same color.

I heard them laughing as I went inside.

I got my coffee, and the puppy, and made it to dad’s house. He was overjoyed. We had a good lunch and watched a football game. I spent the night and drove home the next morning. My wife and I went out to dinner and picked up a few groceries. All in all, a good weekend.

Except…

Stories like mine seem to be everywhere now. They’re all horrible, and most are much worse than mine. I guess I’ve become sensitive to it. People say whatever they want. No filters. Everyone’s angry, and it’s getting worse. What changed?

I can think of one thing.

The Internet

I once thought of the internet as this great equalizer. A tool that would allow everyone to have a voice. To participate. Give everyone instant access to information. Sounds great, right? Well, I’m not so sure.

It also enabled something else.

Finding someone who hates something is now a click away. Homophobic? Click. Transphobic? Click. Xenophobic? Click. Anti-this? Anti-that? Click. Click.

Suddenly you’re part of a group and you feel emboldened. Powerful.

Now you can say things you’ve never said before. Do things you’ve never done before. You can yell at someone in a store, hit someone on a plane, threaten someone in a meeting.

Confront a complete stranger in a parking lot.

We’ve opened Pandora’s box.

Look, I don’t know how to fix it. Maybe someone smarter than me (than I?) will figure it out. I only know we have to try.

We have to try.

We have to close the box.

For the guy outside the fast food place, I only feel sadness. He may not know it, but he changed a little that day.

As did I.