What Can You Do to Deal With an Indifferent Partner?

When women complain about their man being too cold or indifferent, they’re not asking them to show emotion. They’re demanding that these men show affection.

There is an obvious difference between the two, yet men still get the reputation of being unfeeling mounds of stone. That’s because affection is, in itself, a show of emotion. If it’s not present, people immediately assume that the person has no feelings, whatsoever.

If you’re already dating a guy who’s reluctant to show his emotions, here are your options:

1. Discuss the Need for More Openness and Communication

Recognizing and discussing the need for more openness and communication is the crucial first step in this process. By addressing this openly, both partners become aware of what they’re trying to work on.

This mutual understanding sets the stage for growth and improvement in the relationship. It’s about laying the groundwork for a partnership where both individuals feel heard and valued, moving beyond surface-level interactions to a deeper, more meaningful connection.

It’s not going to be easy, especially if they’re used to being stoic and apathetic, but you should be honest about your needs.

2. Know When and What Questions to Ask

Just because your guy isn’t expressive does not mean that he won’t answer your questions about how he is feeling. Let him know your relationship is a safe space.

Asking open-ended questions can be particularly effective. These types of questions encourage a more detailed response, inviting him to explore and express his feelings more fully.

Instead of yes-or-no inquiries, try questions that start with ‘how’, ‘what’, or ‘why’. This approach not only shows that you are genuinely interested in his feelings but also provides him the opportunity to communicate in a more expansive and reflective manner.

3. Don’t Pry

If you don’t get the answer you’re expecting, it simply means that your guy doesn’t know what to say or how to explain his feelings to you. Respect his privacy, and move on with your day.

Prying and insisting for your man to express his feelings just for the sake of getting a response isn’t going to solve things. This approach can actually build more walls than bridges.

It’s about understanding that everyone has their own pace and comfort level with sharing emotions. Pushing too hard can lead to resistance and discomfort, hindering open communication rather than fostering it, and that’s the opposite of our goal here.

4. Reflect on Your Own Emotional Responses

Understanding your own reactions to your partner’s seeming indifference can be insightful. Sometimes, our emotional responses to a partner’s behavior can tell us more about our own needs and expectations than about their feelings.

Reflecting on why you feel a certain way when your partner appears indifferent can help you identify what you truly seek in the relationship. This self-awareness can guide you in communicating your needs more clearly and understanding your partner’s perspective better.

5. Encourage Emotional Literacy

Helping your partner become more aware and articulate about their emotions can be transformative. Emotional literacy involves understanding and being able to express one’s emotions effectively.

This can be encouraged through shared activities like reading books on emotional intelligence or even watching films and discussing the characters’ emotional journeys. Studies suggest that increasing emotional literacy can significantly improve relationship satisfaction.

6. Observe

Even though guys don’t express themselves the usual way, they do so using other outlets:

a. They convert their feelings. For example, instead of being sad, a man might express it as anger or testiness.

b. They put their feelings into other activities. It can be sports, hobbies, or even just going out for some air.

c. Their emotions can manifest as physical pain. Sometimes a headache or a backache can be caused by stresses that guys can’t express verbally.

7. Use Positive Reinforcement

When your partner does open up, even in small ways, it’s important to acknowledge and appreciate it. Positive reinforcement can encourage them to share more in the future.

In fact, a study in Behavioral Therapy highlights the effectiveness of positive reinforcement in changing behavior patterns. This can be done through verbal affirmations, expressing gratitude, or other gestures that show you value their emotional sharing.

8. . Accept it

You cannot change a person. You can urge them to make a positive shift in their interactions, but there’s no guarantee that it will work.

For now, you can comfort yourself with the fact that your man does feel something. He just doesn’t know how to show it.

9. Seek Professional Help

If the emotional disconnect in your relationship is significant, considering couples therapy can be beneficial. A trained therapist can provide tools and strategies to improve communication and emotional connection.

10. If You Can’t Accept it, Do the Honorable Thing and Stop Dating Someone You Can’t Connect With

The first thing that you should consider is dating a guy who doesn’t care about what other people think. And when you do, make sure that you’re as open as you want your guy to be. It would be hypocritical of you to demand vulnerability, while remaining hidden, yourself.