What Can the Earliest Days of Psychology Teach Us About Happiness?

How often do you find yourself pondering the true essence of happiness? In “The Courage to Be Happy” (2016), Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga delve into the wisdom of early 20th-century psychotherapist Alfred Adler to offer profound insights on finding joy in life. This sequel to the best-selling “The Courage to Be Disliked” (2013) continues the engaging dialogue between a pessimistic Youth and an elderly Philosopher. While the first book introduced Adlerian psychology, this follow-up explores how applying Adler’s principles can lead to a happier life.

Ichiro Kishimi, a certified counselor and consultant for the Japanese Society of Adlerian Psychology, brings his expertise in Adlerian principles through his writing, counseling, and lectures. His translations of Adler’s works, such as “The Science of Living” and “Problems of Neurosis,” have made significant contributions to Japanese psychology. Fumitake Koga, a professional author, documented his conversations with Kishimi, which formed the basis for both “The Courage to Be Disliked” and “The Courage to Be Happy.”

Setting the Scene: The Youth, the Philosopher, and Adler

The book is set three years after the Youth’s initial conversation with the Philosopher. Now a teacher, the Youth struggles to implement Adler’s teachings in his professional life, leading to disillusionment. He returns to the Philosopher, intent on declaring Adler’s ideas ineffective. Through their ensuing dialogue, the Youth realizes his misunderstandings of Adler’s principles, learning how to properly apply them to achieve true happiness.

This dialogue format, reminiscent of Plato’s Socratic dialogues, encourages readers to engage actively with the content, prompting deeper reflection rather than passive absorption of information.

Goals of Adlerian Psychology

Kishimi and Koga emphasize two primary goals of Adlerian psychology: independence and a strong sense of community. These goals, according to Adler, are the foundation of happiness. Each lesson the Youth learns in the book supports one or both of these goals.

Goal #1: Independence

Adlerian psychology posits that everyone has an innate drive to overcome helplessness through self-improvement. This drive manifests as a desire for freedom — the ability to choose one’s path without needing external approval.

To develop a sense of independence and freedom, Kishimi and Koga highlight two crucial strategies: focusing on what you can control and reshaping your view of the past.

Focus on Your Own Tasks

A fundamental concept in Adlerian psychology is the separation of tasks. Determine whether a task is yours by asking if the outcome is under your control and if you are directly affected by it. Tasks that meet these criteria are yours to claim; otherwise, they belong to someone else.

For instance, deciding where to live is your task because you must live with the consequences. However, how others feel about your decision is their task, as you cannot control their emotions.

Free Yourself from Your Past

Adlerian psychology teaches that your past does not define who you become. Instead, how you interpret past events shapes your present self. By changing your perspective on the past, you can redefine your present and future.

Many people use their past as an excuse not to improve. However, the past only has the power you give it. You can choose to view it differently and change your current behavior accordingly.

Obstacles to Independence

Common obstacles to independence include lack of courage, will, and self-centeredness.

Lack of Courage: Fear of making mistakes or failing can prevent you from taking charge of your life. Face your fears and embrace mistakes as opportunities for growth.

Lack of Will: Some people prefer letting others make decisions for them. Gradually take on more responsibility to develop decision-making skills.

Self-Centeredness: Overcome self-centeredness by developing a strong sense of community and shifting your focus from receiving help to giving it.

Goal #2: A Strong Sense of Community

According to Adler, happiness stems from our interactions with others. Kishimi and Koga explain that contributing to your community and respecting others are vital for fostering a sense of belonging and happiness.

Contributing to Your Community

Adler taught that happiness comes from feeling useful. By contributing to your community, you develop a sense of worth and belonging. This does not always require concrete actions; simply participating and engaging with your community can be fulfilling.

Respecting Others

Adlerian respect involves recognizing and accepting others as they are without trying to change them. This respect, or trust, is a choice that comes from within you. Offering respect to everyone, regardless of their actions or abilities, fosters a healthy community and strengthens interpersonal relationships.

Fundamental Relationships in Adlerian Psychology

Kishimi and Koga outline three fundamental relationships: working relationships, friendships, and loving relationships.

Working Relationships

Society functions best when individuals focus on their strengths, known as division of labor. All professions are valuable, and your worth is determined by your attitude rather than your job title. Approach your work with honesty and enthusiasm to form valuable working relationships.

Friendships

Strong friendships are built on respect and empathy. Show genuine interest in your friends’ concerns and ideas, and strive to understand their perspectives. Friendships should be selfless and unconditional, based on genuine fondness rather than external rewards.

Loving Relationships

Loving relationships are the most important task in life. They involve building happiness together with your partner, shifting your focus from personal needs to shared needs. This transition from “me” to “us” helps you grow beyond self-centeredness and find joy in contributing to others.

Educating and Rearing Children

Adler’s work frequently addresses raising and educating children. Kishimi and Koga discuss how excessive interference and imposing rewards or punishments can hinder a child’s development.

Avoid Excessive Interference

Respect children’s independence by allowing them to make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes. Treat your relationship with children as a friendship, offering guidance rather than control.

Avoid Rewards and Punishments

Punishments can lead to resentment and attention-seeking behavior, while rewards can create unhealthy competition. Instead, focus on fostering a cooperative environment where children can support each other and learn the value of community.

Conclusion

“The Courage to Be Happy” provides a profound exploration of Adlerian psychology and its relevance to achieving happiness. By fostering independence and a sense of community, you can transform your life and find true joy. Ready to apply these principles and enhance your happiness? Check out “The Courage to Be Happy” on Amazon and start your journey towards a more fulfilling life.

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