Went Undercover as a Man on a Dating App—What I Discovered Shocked Me

As a 23-year-old woman fascinated by human behavior (and, let’s be honest, sometimes just bored and curious), I decided to conduct a little experiment. I’d always heard complaints from my male friends about how tough online dating was for them—how they barely got matches, how conversations were dry, and how they felt invisible unless they had six-pack abs or a flashy lifestyle.

As a woman, my experience had been completely different. My matches came easily, my inbox was always full, and even though not all interactions were great, I never had to wonder whether anyone would swipe right on me.

So, I wanted to see what it was like on the other side. What if I were a man on here? Not just out of curiosity, but to truly understand the experience. I set up a profile as a man—choosing a normal, non-flashy photo and writing a simple, honest bio. No tricks. Just observation.

What I discovered? It changed my perspective on online dating forever.

1. A Desert of Matches—And A Shocking Realization

As a woman, I’d been used to getting matches regularly. Even if I didn’t message first, there was always some interest. But as a man? Silence.

I swiped. And swiped. And swiped some more. Nothing.

Days went by, and I had barely any matches. I found myself overanalyzing: Was my profile picture bad? Was my bio boring? Was I not swiping enough?

Then it hit me—this wasn’t an issue with my profile. This was normal for men.

While women often experience an overwhelming flood of attention, men are left swiping endlessly, hoping for even the smallest sign of interest. What started as a casual experiment quickly felt... disheartening.

2. The Few Matches I Got Were… Different

After relentless swiping, I finally got a match. Relief. Excitement. Curiosity.

Except, within minutes, the conversation took an unexpected turn.

She asked for money.

At first, it was subtle—a mention of a tough financial situation, a hint at wanting a “gift” to see if I was serious. But as the conversation continued, her intentions became clear: she wasn’t interested in me—only in what I could provide.

And this wasn’t a one-time thing. Out of the few matches I got, multiple conversations had the same undertone: transactional. It wasn’t about getting to know me. It was about what I could offer.

It made me realize just how different my experience had been as a woman. As a woman, I was used to men putting in effort—trying to impress, initiate, or pursue. Here? The roles were reversed, and it was eye-opening.

3. The Double Standards Were Blatant

Before this experiment, I had my fair share of frustrations with online dating. I’d dealt with men who sent shallow messages, who expected too much too soon, or who seemed uninterested in real conversation.

But as a “man,” I encountered a whole new set of issues:

Dismissiveness & Rudeness: I received responses that were cold, short, or even mean. One match replied, “Ugh, you’re boring,” after just three messages.

No Effort: Conversations felt one-sided. Unless I said something incredibly witty or intriguing, I got nothing in return.

A Transactional Mindset: Some interactions weren’t about connection at all—they were about whether I could offer financial security, attention, or status.

This was a harsh realization: the same complaints women have about online dating? Many men experience them too—just in a different way.

4. Men on Dating Apps Are Exhausted

By the end of this experiment, I felt something I didn’t expect: empathy.

We often talk about how exhausting online dating is for women (and it absolutely is). But I’d never fully grasped the unique challenges men face until I experienced them firsthand:

Constant rejection (or worse, being ignored altogether)

The pressure to stand out or impress just to get a basic response

Feeling like they have to “prove” themselves before even being seen as worthy of a conversation

It’s easy to roll your eyes at men who send generic openers or seem “too eager.” But now? I wonder if they’re just tired—tired of being overlooked, dismissed, or treated like they’re disposable.

5. The Human Element Is Missing

Modern dating has turned into a numbers game—swipes, algorithms, and engagement metrics. Somewhere along the way, the human aspect got lost.

Pretending to be a man made me realize how both men and women get caught in a cycle of judgment, ghosting, and transactional interactions. It’s easy to dismiss someone when they’re just a face on a screen, but behind every profile is a real person just trying to be seen.

I used to get frustrated with men who seemed unoriginal in their messages. But now? I wonder if they’re simply drained from putting themselves out there and getting nothing in return.

What This Experiment Taught Me

This wasn’t just a fun social experiment. It was a wake-up call.

For women—we’ve fought hard for respect in dating, but are we always giving that same respect back? Entitlement, dismissiveness, and shallow behavior hurt both sides.

For men—I see you. Online dating can be draining, and constant rejection can take a toll. But keep showing up. The right person will appreciate you for who you are, not just what you can offer.

Why I’ll Never See Online Dating the Same Way Again

This experience changed the way I view dating apps forever. It exposed major flaws in the system, but more importantly, it made me realize that dating—online or not—isn’t about winning or scoring points. It’s about human connection.

And that’s something we all need to do better at—whether we’re swiping left, right, or deciding to log off altogether.

What Do You Think?

Have you ever wondered what it’s like on the other side of online dating? Have you had an experience that changed the way you see it? Let’s talk in the comments—I’d love to hear your perspective.