We’re Breaking Up

Today is the day of love, in all its glory and the expression of love aka Valentine’s Day, Galentine’s Day, Singles Awareness Day… I was single last year around this time and comfortably so… Little did I know that love was anything but comfortable, or, the journey of discovering how to love…

The Greatest Love

I turned on Pandora this morning and Whitney reminded me that “The Greatest Love Is Inside Of You.” What a great way to start my day! So, to really get into it, I decided that today of all days is the day that I’m choosing to break up with you, Trauma. I’ve also grown to realize that the longest relationship you’ll ever have is with you.

Dear Trauma

We’ve spent so many years together. You’ve shielded me from the pain of growth, acceptance, self-love, the fear of heartbreak, the desperation of loneliness and you have allowed me to live with a broken heart for far too long. Today, I’m choosing healing over hurt so you and I can no longer be together, actually, we can never, ever, be together again.

I should also have you know that I met a guy a year ago and he didn’t wait to use the L word… Nope! He had no problem using it right away as he felt it and guess what else? He still uses it everyday especially when we’re physically distanced or apart. See Trauma? Not everyone is afraid to look “soft” or to hold back their feelings… Some of us wear our hearts on our sleeves and let the fire of our love be felt by everyone embraced in the warmth of our love.

Love, Where Are You?

How are you willing to show up for love in your life? Today is a great day to really ponder that question. What are you learning about yourself? How are you treating your body, mind and soul? What are you consuming through your eyes, ears and mouth? How’s your inner dialogue? What are you doing to make yourself feel happy? These are just some of the questions that come to mind for your consideration! What do you really love about yourself? Is it your smile? Your laugh? Your goofy personality? Your bum, (booty) your toned arms, the abs you inherited and didn’t even work for a day in your life! The shape of your eyes, your nose, your lips? What can you celebrate about you today?

Trauma will have you blind to everything that you are. Blind to your worth. Blind to your uniqueness. Blind to feeling special and worthy of love. Maybe you didn’t grow up with your Parents, maybe your Grandparents raised you, or, a single parent. Maybe you assumed the role of a Mother or Father to your siblings and just never received the maternal or paternal love you knew existed but just not for you. Maybe you thought feeling love would happen after giving your virginity to the boy or girl of your dreams but that feeling never came so now you’re left feeling incomplete.

Some time has past and now you’re an adult so your first love that ended in heartbreak doesn’t hurt as badly anymore and has now moved on and married someone else. Suddenly, you’re wondering when will I get married? Is the family that I wanted to marry into really the family I thought they were today? Everything happens for a reason and you’re just going to have to trust that. What do you really know at 15 or 19 years old anyway? You only know through rose colored lens what resembles your dreams of the perfect family and husband, which is most likely the opposite of what you’ve known and experienced your entire life.

You Are What Dreams Are Made Of

If you’re still waiting for your perfect love, take a queue from Whitney or better get, go look in the mirror. Stop reading this for a second and open your camera and point it at you. Look at that perfect face. Now smile! You are your wildest dreams. Discover them, realize them, share them and then you’ll know love. Love will mirror you. You will attract all the love you learn and when you do, you’ll know for a fact that it doesn’t feel anything like the gloomy, insecure, unworthy hole that Trauma has you trapped under. The bubble of trauma will no longer exist, it will be released with just one pop of self-love.

How do I know this is real? Well because I gave myself the time to heal what was broken and to see what was broken in my partner, and to also allow him to heal through my lens. We taught each other what love meant to us individually based on our own separate experiences. It’s a breaking down and rebuilding process, anything but easy but so, so necessary. A love that is healing doesn’t have to look like what we’ve felt or seen before, it can and should be brand new. We work on it everyday, some days it feels like bliss, other days it’s as intense as a mind and body altering workout but it is so worth it. It’s ours and it’s built on everything that trauma taught us not to feel, act, believe or just be with. We hold space for each other. We’ve learned to listen.

Loves Truest Expression

When my boyfriend looks at me with earnest eyes and expresses what he’s feeling, even if it comes out painfully… It is heartfelt. When he says he’s going to care for me when I don’t care for me, he does. He’s the most thoughtful person 95% of the time and trust me, I can be impossible. When I’m stressed I get OCD about cleanliness and let’s just say, he’s not that way inclined so I pick at everything he does. I have since monitored my stress and reduced my need to control the smallest things within my space aka learnt awareness… I’ve also learnt how to process my emotions in a healthier way by addressing them and not ignoring them only to have them riled up at another time. This too takes work especially around that time of the month when your emotions just seem to pour out for no reason other than hormonal. Poor men they really have no clue. My babe gets me wine and chocolate around that time. He’s still sweet to me no matter what he expects to happen dauntingly because there will be a breakdown or a fight during that week.

What I’ve learned as the truest expression of love is to go through these things with someone who is willing to brace the storm with you and get on your side so that it’s the two of you against the world, not at each other but together. That’s what my boyfriend has taught me over these 11 months of dating. He doesn’t care what changes life throws our way, he’s a fighter and a believer in love and he’s fierce with it. It’s the most alive and aware I’ve ever been, the most fears I’ve ever faced within myself and the best I’ve ever been loved and for that, I’m truly grateful and satisfied and wanting a whole lot more of this new found love. He hears me out and tries to be understanding even when he disagrees… What man do you know that’s capable of this? He’s so special and although we are not perfect, we have found each other in the most perfect ways, we fit together like the glue in each crack and that’s what makes us stronger. Recognizing the cracks and choosing to be the glue…

Without you Trauma, I would’ve ended my relationship a long time ago as I tried to do after just a few weeks. I wasn’t sure I was ready for a relationship but it worked out this way because it was time for me to face my traumas head on. He was the one to show me everything I was afraid to see on my own. Breakups are hard but it’s time for you to go! Trauma, you are no longer my comfort zone, love is. I will no longer live for you. I’m deserving of everything and everyone who is good for me. I’m happy here. It’s still a struggle to see myself in the eyes of the people who have hurt me but it’s not my job to. I will no longer live in heartbreak when love feels so much better. If you have someone special in your life, someone who makes you feel what you never have, show them how much they mean to you! As often and as much as possible. Give yourself the time and space to grow and extend, let go and be filled up. Love is a two way street and now that me and my traumas are done, I’m fully available and present to be, live and experience love. Happy Valentines Day!