Washer

Three elementary school girls sit on the orange tile stairs that lead to the second floor. They’re laughing about who knows what. They’re just happy to be with each other.

A boy walks up to the three girls. He is a year older than them. He wants to play too. “Hola, que ‘sta pasando,” he says. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a fistful of screws and washers he has in his pocket. He sticks out his tongue to show a trick he can do where the washer sticks to his tongue with his spit and doesn't fall off. The girls all giggle because they think it's gross.

Susi, one of the girls, looks at his face. She's never seen someone with eyes that color: a mix of green and grey. “Cómo te llamas,” Susi asks. “Daniel,” he says. She looks up to him. As an only child, she had always wondered what it would be like to have an older brother. “I’ll write about wanting to have older siblings in my notebook,” she thinks.

She sees Daniel around pretty frequently after meeting him at the steps. Even though he likes to tease her, she loves being around him. Even though he sometimes would poke fun at her, he never distanced himself from her because of how she looked. He always treated her with respect. He would never say, “no me gustan las morenitas.”

Whenever they would get together, they would meet up at the stairs of Tía Alma’s house. At the end of every day, he would go to his room on the first floor and Susi would go up the stairs to the bedroom on the second floor. He never went to the second floor.

However, after a while, she left. She left for the so-called “Land of the Free.” She left with her little blue book but he couldn’t because he didn't have one. It wasn’t until she got on the plane that she realized she left her notebook filled with her written dreams behind.

Susi started attending a new school and, over the years, began forgetting about México, Daniel becoming someone of her forgotten past.

Susi focused on school but had no real goals, all her fantasies left behind on the other side of the border. She ended up feeling very sad for a while. Her father, thinking that something must be done to help his daughter, gifted her a new little black notebook to replace the one she left in México. Writing in the notebook every day, Susi began to feel a sense of purpose, filling it with fantasies of the future like she did before. Perhaps she would get the job and man of her dreams. Maybe she would finally have the closet of her dreams, one where she could put on clothes to express her true personality and would no longer have to hide in to escape her confusing reality of being biracial. Or perhaps she would just get a stable job and help her family out with the bills.

***

After Susi left, Tía Alma went to clean her room and found the notebook she left behind. Wondering what it was for, she opened it. Inside, the notebook was filled with sentences written with colorful pens describing Susi’s dreams. Tía Alma knew she should not read the girl’s diary, but could not stop herself as the dreams that filled the notebook brought back memories of her as a little girl. Over the years, Tía Alma would read and re-read the notebook her niece left behind. Susi began to feel like the daughter she never had, but she could never muster up the courage to write to her. “She must be too busy with school,” she told herself. “She probably doesn’t even remember me.” So she wrote letters to Susi in the notebook instead. She wrote down her dreams about the future like her niece did: maybe I will be able to send my sons to college. Maybe my sons will be able to join Susi in the United States and have a better life. Maybe my sons will be able to live the lives of their dreams.

Daniel also moved on with his life. He went to school and helped take care of his younger brother, which often involved teasing him. He would also help out his two older brothers if they needed help running errands or doing chores. He still went to the stairs where he met Susi and wondered what she was up to. But he eventually forgot about her as well.

Bigger problems began to form. One of his older brothers joined a cartel and was jailed for the crimes that he committed. His other older brother made enemies because of his crimes. At the same time, more cartels and more violence came to their town. His older brother made more enemies.

With more cartels and violence also came more killings. It was not uncommon for Tía Alma to see dead bodies splayed on the street. On each body would be a piece of cardboard that had the name of the person, when they died, and why they were killed.

Daniel is eighteen now. He is hanging out at Tía Alma's house. He tells her that he needs to step out for a second to go help his older brother fix a tire on the car. His younger brother goes with him too. Daniel is helping his older brother fix the tire when a car pulls up next to them. The men in the car have guns. They tell the older brother that they need to take him so that they can investigate a case that they are looking into about a robbery. The younger brother runs to Tía Alma's house to tell her about what is going on. Tía Alma sees the younger brother running to her while crying and thinks that Daniel teased him again. But she realizes that it's about something else.

Tía Alma rushes over and asks what is going on. They tell her that they need to take the older brother to ask him about a recent robbery. They tell her they are looking for someone named Julio. Tía Alma tells them that the older brother's name is not Julio and asks them why they need to take him. But they insist. She cannot do anything because they have guns. They ask who else can go with the older brother. Daniel says he will go. They take them away.

Bang; a gunshot goes off. Bang; the second one. Daniel and his brother are on the ground. Blood flows everywhere.

The men leave. No cardboard is placed on their bodies.

Tía Alma knew in her heart that her sons would not be returning that night. She cried.

***

Susi graduated and eventually did get a stable job and married the man of her dreams. She felt happy, finally.

She loved to sit on the couch with her cat while she typed away on her laptop. That day, she had the windows open to let in the sunlight and cool breeze that was picking up all of the white fuzzy bits of the dying dandelions. Her husband hated when she left the windows open, but she would vacuum it all up once she finished writing, is what she told herself. She never did that day.

The sun was setting when she heard the doorbell ring. Strange, she thought. She went to the door and as she opened it, noticed a package had been left. No mailman was in sight. She went back inside, closed the door, and went to get the box-cutter. Opening the box, her cat who had been following her around the house, ran away. She opened the box and inside were two letters in Spanish and her old moleskine notebook.

Dear Alma García,

Our deepest condolences on the passing of your son Daniel. We were horrified and extremely saddened when we heard of his passing on the news the other night. You are extremely brave to have shared your story with the world.

You will find a gift from us in this letter that will hopefully help you and your youngest son through these horrific and trying times. Please do not hesitate to contact us if you are in need of any other help.

Sincerely,

The Cortés Family

Hi Susi,

I hope everything is going well. I was wondering if you and your husband could help me with a favor. I received this letter from a wealthy family a few months after Daniel died and also found the money that Daniel had been saving to open up his own car repair shop. He was always talking about opening one up after he graduated from high school, but I didn’t realize he was this serious. I would like to use the money to send Javier, Daniel’s little brother, to the United States to go to college. You left right before he was born, so I am not sure if you know him. Please let me know if you and your husband would be able to help us out.

Con Amor,

Alma

Susi immediately looked for a piece of paper and a pen so that she could send Tía Alma a letter back saying of course she would help Javier out. But as she was writing, she realized that there had been no money in the box. She saw that she missed the last part of her Tía’s letter:

P.S. I hope that you were able to get that closet of your dreams and that you are no longer hiding from the confusing reality of being biracial.

Susi then picked up the moleskine notebook and saw that the black cover looked a bit loose. She opened up the notebook and saw that it was torn on the side. She lifted the black covering to reveal a money order from Tía Alma for $5,000 and a check from the Cortés Family for $15,000. Tía Alma must have gone to a different city to cash in Daniel’s money, so that she would not be followed by the people who patrolled and killed her sons. At least that was what her Tía Josefina did when she sent money to her sons who were studying in the United States. Susi knew the danger that her Tía Alma put herself in just to send her the money, so she quickly wrote the letter, sent it and went directly to the bank to cash in the money order and check.

***

Three years had passed since Tía Alma had first sent that package. Susi and Tía Alma had sent letters back and forth non-stop since then and Susi was finally able to secure a student visa for Javier. Waiting at the terminal, she was so excited, but nervous, and relieved that her cousin was finally on his way to the United States. Tía Alma’s wishes for the future were coming true. The automatic doors finally opened and a mix of sunburned and heavily tanned white people began to stream out. She noticed Javier right away. She waved and he turned and smiled. He had the same eyes as Daniel. He rushed to where she was standing and said, “Hola Susi! Want to see a trick?” He stuck out his tongue and there in the middle was a washer. Susi laughed.