Umbrellas

I've never seen the big deal in a little rain. Some people run for cover as if acid were pouring down from the skies. I must say, though, that one of most personally moving experiences is when a stranger has offered me to share their umbrella. I actually had someone stop and give me an umbrella once, as they stopped at a red light and I was near the corner waiting for a bus. I was reflecting on that situation and it made me think how poignant the idea of sharing an umbrella is to our current state in our country.

Will and Ben are next door neighbors and best friends. They have lived next door to each other all their young lives, as their families have. Will's family works hard and life has smiled upon them for many generations. Ben's family has the same work ethic but definitely has not seen life's favor as Will family.

Will and Ben spend a lot of time together as best friends do. They live in an area where it rains a lot on weekends, possibly all weekends. The weekdays are basically clear, although cloudy sometimes. Imagine, if you would, that Will's family has more than enough of everything, including umbrellas. It is an understatement to say that they have lots of umbrellas. Some were passed down from previous generations and some are more recent acquisitions, but the amount of umbrellas in Will's house is staggering. This is partly because Will's parents love their umbrellas and value them. Ben's family, struggling at best, is just about affording basic needs. These basic needs do not include umbrellas right now, although his parents have umbrellas on their list of things to acquire in the future. Will though never lends him an umbrella. Will and Ben both understand that Will's family, for whatever reason, are very comfortable in the amount of umbrellas that they have and are not really keen on sharing these umbrellas. They fear that offering one to someone else will eventually cause more attention to their collection, and though they are philanthropic at heart, they really do not want to see their umbrellas lost or damaged in someone else's hands. Ben's family also does not want to appear needy, indigent or desirous of charity, and their strong pride and work ethic prevents them from asking for an umbrella.

Will and Ben are pretty much used to this dilemma. They usually solve it by not going out when it rains, but as they have grown older into teens, this becomes a little problematic. Teens have other friends and other friends want to get out of the house, and Will toggles back and forth between not going or going and knowing that should it rain, Ben will not only not have an umbrella but his financial insecurity would be much more obvious to others. It might be better for their friendship if they just hung out at one of their houses or FaceTime at their respective homes when it is rainy out.

Will and Ben are about to leave for school. Ben walks over to Will's house and as Ben approaches, the floodgates of heaven open up and a downpour ensues. The two friends look at each other, realizing that this lifelong impasse has now presented a unique problem. This is the first time that it has rained when they were going somewhere important, something that could not be skipped, something in which each young man's presence was required. Ben is carrying the young men's joint school project that will be destroyed if it gets wet.

Will sees his friend walk on to Will's porch, drenched but undaunted. Will approaches the door and goes to pick up an umbrella. This dilemma faces him head on, with moments to decide.

A. Will could just not answer the door and stay home.

B. Will could do that, and then wait for Ben to go home and then sneak out.

C. Will could check the weather and see if the precipitation will be mild or is stopping soon, and then they could just walk to school, late.

D. Will could see if someone could drive them but that is unlikely since neither Ben's family nor Will's has both an available driver and an available free vehicle.

E. Will could just do what he normally does: bring his umbrella, use it only if it's super necessary, trying to maintain a similar level of wetness so as to be visibly supportive.

F. Will could just give Ben an umbrella, but that would raise the ire of his parents. Will's parents would not be so mad about keeping Ben dry - they are just concerned about losing umbrellas to anyone outside their family.

G. Will could just choose to use his umbrella as he sees fit, and still be as good of a friend to Ben in all other ways. Ben knows Will's family's stance on lending umbrellas, even if it seems mind boggling. Ben reasons that if Ben had an extra umbrella, Ben would just give Will an umbrella, case closed.

H. Will could just leave home without an umbrella so that both guys are equally uncomfortable, even if that might be impractical and uncomfortable for all. This option provides the least protection for their school project.

Trust me on this one - stick with the example and you will soon see my point.

There's all sorts of problems with every single solution. There are varying levels of inconvenience in each version of the story. There are feelings intertwined with facts. There are inequities with which neither young man should have to contend. There are familial, social, and socioeconomic considerations. There is also the moment that one realizes that the greater good isn't always the convenient solution, as it rarely ever is.

Will thinks for a minute.

Ben, on the other side of the door, has also been thinking about this conundrum for quite a while. It is embarrassing and angering that he does not have an umbrella, but he recognizes his family's struggle and Will's family's right to use what they have as they wish. Ben has considered waiting out the storm on the porch, staying home, running to school, taking an Uber (thought that would be an expense larger than an umbrella), or just resigning himself to being wet and just taking the walk.

Ben thinks for a minute as well.

Will opens the door.

Ben starts, "Ok, our project can't get wet. You carry the project. I'm going to run ahead to school. I'll set up the table. Be careful with the project."

Will tells Ben to wait, runs back into the house, and reemerges, and taps the floor with his umbrella.

"This umbrella is big enough for almost 3 people. I'll hold the umbrella. You carry the project. This is the umbrella that we are going to use from now on when it rains."

And, like that, two friends manage an equitable solution to a problem that would not exist if each young man had their way. These two were thrust into a situation with all sorts of nuances, and managed to figure out a way to dismantle a problem by careful thought, perspicacious communication and an cooperative spirit to solve an issue at hand.

In most feel-good movies on TV and in cinema, the end sequence would have a heartfelt conversation between both families, and Will's family gives Ben's family their own set of umbrellas, and the whole cast walks of into the sunset as credits roll.

In real life though, such neat and sweet solutions are rarely delivered to one in a box with a big red bow on top.

What does this have to do with allyship?

The trick to this story is replacement.

Think of Will's family's umbrellas as their privilege. They still worked hard for all they had, and no one is blaming anyone for doing well. Life's favor is more the opportunities that their privilege has afforded them financially, socially and otherwise. Ben's family has no umbrellas, or privilege. Ben's family has worked equally as diligently, but life's favor, or the fruitlessness of living on the targeted side of systemic racism (and other "-isms" and "-phobias") has prevented their success. True, there are those who effervesce past these systems into success, and this is at a greater cost, that 110% that underrepresented communities, but particularly the Black American diaspora, have been told, and have told themselves to give in order to even have a fighting chance. 110% actually means 10% more than what you have. How does one give 10% more than they can give if you are already operating at 100%? Imagine how tiring that is, as a requirement.

Think of the rain as all of the social, governmental, judicial, economic, spiritual, political and religious incidents in life of systemic racism. It is being followed in the store to see if you are going to steal something. It is being racially profiled by police. It is arranging an interview for a job vacancy, or to view a rental space that suddenly is filled when a minority face, especially a Black or Brown face appears. It is waiting on line for hours to vote because you live in an area that is considered to be one party solely because of skin tone and zip code (thanks, gerrymandering). These are rains that happen daily, weekly in the lives of minorities, especially Black and Brown faces, because if your "otherness" is visible, those who oppose allyship who wish to make people into "others" get inspired to start the rain early.

Think of the school project that cannot get wet as progressive relationships that have been happening between the majority and minorities. If, again, the rain, is all of the incidences of "isms" and "phobias", then we see that Will and Ben's project is representative of the work of unification, or at the least, tolerance of heterogeneity. In this day and age, none of us can afford to let that project get "wet". It's probably some of the most important work that Americans can do, to prevent the foundations of cooperation and equity to be weakened or broken.

Will has to consider what amount of discomfort is palpable for him in this moment. Will and Ben both understand what is happening around them, and the implications of any action, but nothing can really happen until they decide to communicate. They exchange their thoughts. They come to a solution that works for both of them. Will Ben's mother see the sharing of the umbrella as acquiescing to a self-imposed savior? Does Will face the wrath of his parents that do not want to lend their umbrellas to someone else? These questions sound less ridiculous with their substitution of their real life contemporaneous reflections. Actually, both versions are just as ridiculous in an equitable society. Will people of color see White allyship as sanctimonious gestures to satisfy their own guilt, or does this allyship represent the attempts to move in a better direction? Do White allies face repercussions from others with privilege, causing a reduction of their own privilege? Are those potential consequences worth the personification of the "love thy neighbor" principle?

Will's parents represent a good section of generally good hearted people who reside on the advantageous side of privilege. Whether or not they are completely aware of how many "umbrellas" they have, acknowledging those umbrellas in any form also means that these umbrellas could be taken or the quantity could be reduced. Similarly, there are many who fear that making things equitable means giving away their "umbrellas" or relinquishing some of their privilege. Just as Will's parents live next door to Ben's and can see the difference in their lives, there are those of the majority that see what not being favored systemically looks like. The fears that arise range from one's own reduction of privilege by losing favor, to long range concerns about replacement, loss of culture, and, the looming population trend that forebodes a change for them in majority status to a minority. However, this trend is ever more a reason for people who have privilege now based on majority status to use their "umbrellas". Seeing what happens in American society once one is "othered", those whose influence or allyship carry more weight help not only the current minorities but all future minorities by actively leveling playing fields. It's like Will's family giving umbrellas to their whole block, partly because this means no one will need to ask for an umbrella, partly because it's the right thing to do, and partly out of self-preservatory karmic good will. It is not a bad thing to act both selflessly and in self-interest. No one can really know how to be interested in someone if said person is not at least slightly interested in oneself.

So, Will, representing the majority (well, 60% of the country), faces tough decisions, and his real life counterparts face even more daunting decisions. This is more than borrowing an umbrella and making two parents mad. Some of these considerations are real world intense moments, that pose more of a threat to the underrepresented and their allies than an unwelcome mizzle.

The truth is, everyone has to figure out where they are in this process. Just like Will's family and Ben's family, we all inherit a level of privilege in various circumstances, whether that is 100% or 0% or another number in between. As a multiracial man, with an above average education, aware of the relative privilege found in my ethnic ambiguity, I understand that when I am the fairest person in the room, I carry the umbrella. When I am the darkest person in the room, I don't expect or demand anyone to open their umbrella for me, as I can weather the storms alone, but I appreciate when someone figures out a solution that helps reduce the effects of the deluge of these systems on me. Solving systemic racism comes top down and bottom up. People are going to participate at their decided level of involvement, which is a delicate equation of what they know to be right, and their tolerance for the discomfort that comes from a potential temporary reduction in privilege from either sharing that privilege or reduction of privilege by enemies of allyship.

All in all, just like Will and Ben faced questions based on the worlds and roles that they inherited without choice, so do all of us. What allows you to sleep at night? Do you hear the storms outside and fall dormant to its pitter patter, or do you think of those without shelter from life's torrents? What decision would you make in the dark, drenced, facing one person, when only you two can see? What about when everyone can see you, when you are in full view of the world? What if you had the only umbrella left in the world? Would that change your answer?

Sometimes, thought, it is really just as simple as sharing your umbrella, weathering the storm together, in allyship.