toxic love

I have started to go out with this guy about a year ago. At first it was nothing but a physical attraction. With time my love for this man grew stronger and stronger. The more time we spent together the more I was invested into this relationship. We have had our struggles and break ups along the way, but we still managed to stay together. Throughout the relationship is has become apparent to me that he perceives me as a toxic person. He has said it to me many times before that I am a toxic person. He was only saying it when I was voicing my insecurities to him or telling him how I feel about the things he says to me. Every time I was trying to have a serious conversation about us, and our future I was told that I am being stupid or toxic. We are one year together now, none of our friends knows that we are together. We work together so we try to keep our relationship low profile. Beginning of our relationship he went back home to Spain for his holiday, and I saw that my friends can see stories on his Instagram profile that are unavailable to me. I questioned it with him, and he said that he doesn’t know why I can’t seem to see it. It has happened more than once.

I love my boyfriend, and I try to put my trust in him, so I thought nothing more of it.

We are now one year together, and I have found out that he has been messaging other girls when we were together. One girl, he told her that he has waited for her 5 years to come and see him. While we were together, he offered her that he will find her a job in the area just so they can be together. They were messaging sweet messages 2 days before my birthday.

I have made screenshots of those messages on his phone. It has been a week now. I am too scared of confronting him. I love him so much. I know the thing I should do but I do not really want to do it.

I have not seen him message her for nearly 2 months now. I must admit that our first year was not the easiest. I was not the easiest on him. We both had our insecurities about this relationship.

Seems like we are going very strong now. What should I do? I still have those messages in the back of my head but it seems that it is over now and he is very invested in our relationship now. Should I still confront him? Or should I wait and see?

He has been a wonderful boyfriend to me recently. He has taken care of me when I was sick. He worries about me when I am too sad and he always takes me side no matter the odds.

We have been very good recently, but in the back of my head I can still remember the messages he has sent to other girls. One in particular. They were talking about their future together and how much he misses her. Makes me wonder, am I just the girl he is with just because he cannot be with the girl he wants?

I am scared to confront him as I did, to be honest, go through his phone without him knowing. I have only done that because my gut feeling told me there is something wrong. Now I know what and honestly I wish I had not known. I could have been so happy right now. But the only thing going threw my mind is that what if she decides to come and be with him? Would he just dump me like somethings he doesnt need? or would he actually choose me? Scared to find out.