Tomorrow.

The saddest part about leaving was that I knew that I was never coming back. I still remember how the sun kissed the ocean. Its waves crashing ashore was always a melody to my ears. My home burse with the gentle, sweet aroma of vanilla. This was home sweet home. A place that wasn't shattered by disappointment or regret. I always felt safe here. I remember when my "home" wasn't so sacred growing up. Poverty clothed me and sent me out into the world. Life was not structured by love but rather by survival. Somedays, I would feel pity for that young girl I used to be. I even see her sometimes when I look in the mirror. I shattered so many mirrors only to expose the broken pieces within myself. I hadn't spoken to my parents in years because of my upbringing. Somehow, I could never find the strength to pick up the phone because deep down, I knew I yearned for apologies that would never exit their lips. I decided that I would call them tomorrow though. Tomorrow was a big day. More prominent than yesterday or the day before.

Today, however, I could walk through my home and see the recaps of yesterday. Empty wine bottles. Sink full of dishes. Half-eaten food. My house looked a mess. I smiled, knowing I finally got to let my hair down and breathe. Somehow, I managed to wash down past trauma with red wine and laughter yesterday. It was the most fun I had had in so long. At that moment, I didn't even think about tomorrow. I just wanted to live in the moment...forever. Nothing last forever, though.

Although I knew today could not compete with yesterday's enjoyment, I was blessed to see another day.

As I sat there with my warm latte, I felt important. I felt like I mattered. A tremendous work-from-home job with benefits, and the money is sufficient? You can't beat that. With a hangover from hell and a "to-do" list a mile long, I started my journey to progression. I had a plethora of tasks to complete with so little time. I quickly prioritized and postponed a few things until tomorrow.

I sat at my computer desk, ready for work. Ready to get closer to my dreams. Ready to get this work day over with. Ready for tomorrow. Tomorrow was a big day. More prominent than yesterday or the day before. As I moved my mouse, the screen lit up with excitement. Gratitude filled my heart because things were finally coming together.

"Reset Your Password" appeared on my screen.

Frustration ran through my soul. It was 9:29 am, and I had less than a minute to get logged in before I was marked "tardy." I thought hard. I wanted to create a manageable password. Yet, I was reluctant to pick something too difficult to remember. Decisions. Decisions. I always forget these things, and I hate that about myself. I hate many things about myself, but my forgetfulness would have to be at the top of my list. Followed by procrasination.

I've spent my entire life fantasizing about death and its love-hate relationship with life. I remained astonished that death was inevitable, irresistible, and mandatory. The way you die, however, is powered by decisions. We are born knowing our time is running out as soon as we make our grand entrance. That in itself comes with a lot of pressure but changing your password..... Well, that should be a no-brainer.

Granted, I decided to be purposeful with this new password. LoVe@Last23 I typed joyfully.

Before I could even press "enter," I felt severe pain in my chest. It felt like a clenched fist with an irresistible grip on my heart. I grew lightheaded and quickly fell to the ground holding onto my chest and attempting to catch my breath. Then I saw darkness. Bold darkness without even a glimpse of light in sight.

I could still hear a small piece of the ocean crashing ashore. Eventually, that sound went away too.

My latte was neglected yet steaming with anticipation. My password was never reset. I never clocked into work. I never called my parents. I never accomplished anything on that "to-do" list. I never saw tomorrow.

I died of a heart attack. Others might say a broken heart.

I was so focused on today that I forgot to remember that tomorrow may never come.