To the person I thought I loved.

To the person I thought I loved,

I don’t understand where you got your entitlement to play with somebody’s emotions, play with their heart. But that's what you look for in people don’t you? You look for the girls with the biggest hearts because you know it’s easy to ruin them. You know they will believe every word you say. At some point they will think you are the greatest person they’ve ever met. Soon they’ll start to think about you, thinking about how a couple hours ago you told her how pretty she looked. Sure, you probably tell that to all the girls, but to her it meant everything. To her it was just one more reason to tell her friends how you were meant to be together. You keep up with this little game because that's all it is to you. But to her it was a future. It was a future filled with those meaningful gazes and sneaky I love you’s. You were the person she saw it all with. All she was waiting for was confirmation of the feelings she saw and felt. But then you start to grow tired of her. Labeling her annoying and clingy, and mocking all her traits that you once told her you loved. She will feel your distance to her not knowing why, but she’ll give you the space she thinks you need. Soon you will miss the attention and go back to her, feelings unknown you go back and forth. One day telling her you can’t live without her then the next she doesn’t even get a glance at her direction. That will become her new normal. The new normal when she goes to bed crying every other night over another mixed signal. You’ll give the same old apologies for blowing her off and she will still forgive you like nothing happened just by saying the words I love you. Her heart will sink time after time after another un responded message. She settles for the love she thought she got from you. And thinking this constant loop of you will never end. But let me tell you, she will grow tired of you.

She will grow stronger learning slowly she's better without you. She will think about you less. Soon she will notice other guys who actually give her attention. She will be able to spend quality time with her friends without a venting session about your treatment towards her. For a while she will think her life is great and what a waste of time you were to her. But all it took was one simple message from you. One message that she was waiting for everyday when she was stuck in your grip.

"Hey, I have been thinking about you, idk why"

You knew why. You knew you were losing her, and even though you would never admit it you fucking loved her. You missed the feeling you got with her. You missed the way she would look at you when she thought you weren't looking. You missed her smile and the way she laughed at all your jokes even though they weren't funny. You missed everything about her so you gave her that hook and waited to see if she would take your bait. And she would every time. But as soon as she came back you went back on your constant loop of bullshit, breaking her heart even more.

I write this to you because I will never understand the way you are and what gave you the right to play with people's hearts. To you, the person I thought I loved, I write this because I never had the courage to tell you how much your hurt me and tell you goodbye.