To My Exes

This is a message to all the exes that did me wrong.

Dear Ex,

Do you miss me? Or do you miss the intimacy between us? Did you really love me? Or was that your way of getting in my pants? Do you miss me? Or do you miss having someone to control and manipulate?

I know that there are some of my exes out there that didn't do anything wrong. But this is for those that DID do me wrong...

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To my very first abusive ex. At first, you were a very kind person, you were ok with how I looked. But, further into the relationship, you became more toxic. You manipulated me to do things that I wouldn't have thought of doing. I dyed my hair to the point that it was damaged. The relationship I had with my parents started falling apart due to you planting things in my head. Not to mention, you tried to convince me to get blue-colored contacts to hide my beautiful brown/hazel eyes. But one thing that makes everything worse is that you wanted me to get my tubes tied. Some may not think anything of it but...I was 19 years old. That is something you don't tell your girlfriend at a young age. With all that being said, that isn't even the worse that happens. When you are in a relationship, you are supposed to love this person no matter what their flaw is. But this ex...I didn't say what his name is but, we will call him M. M claimed that he hated everything about me. He hated the fact that I wasn't a blonde(I'm naturally a brunette). He hated that I didn't have blue eyes(I have beautiful brown/hazel eyes). He also poked fun at my body, I myself am a more build female, and with someone calling me fat is the worse experience of my life. With that, I was afraid to eat around him, which made him even more toxic. Also, the name-calling...he would always call me all sorts of names while dating. If I did something that he didn't like...I was called a b*tch. If I posted a picture that showed a little bit of my stomach I was called a wh*re and a sl*t.

So, this is my message for you. You have taught me that I deserve someone that will treat me better than you did. I deserve someone that shouldn't try to change me for their benefit. I deserve someone that would love me no matter what flaw that I have. I don't wish the worse for you but, I hope someday you will grow up.

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The next ex to talk about is one that I will call JW. You were an interesting person, and I mean it in a bad way. You were someone that I met at the bar, not to mention you were intoxicated. But, when you were sober, I thought that you were nice and sweet. What I should have thought about was getting to know you more before diving off the deep end and not dating you three days after dating you. One thing that bugged me the most was the amount of alcohol you drank. Boy, you drank too much and the amount you tried to make me drink when I was only 20 years old. And when I was old enough to buy alcohol, you made me spend money I barely have for your bad habit. And when I said I didn't have a lot of money, I always got guilt-tripped. With that, it's easy to say that he was always drunk, and with him being drunk it felt like I was walking on eggshells because I had to be careful with what I said. There was one night he verbally attacked me because I joked about the toilet seat being up. Normally, there are laughs exchanged but, he straight up yelled at me and started to get physical with me. Which if you haven't figured it out by now, he is a violent drunk. There are other times that were bad but, there is one that is the worst. He beat me on my 22 birthday. It started because I tried to wake him up so he could go to work. With still being drunk from the night before, he started yelling at me and slammed me on the floor. In the end, he ended up dumping me because his parents not liking me.

So this is my message to you. You are a horrible person. I know I deserve someone better than you. I need someone that won't guilt-trip me and not a straight-up jerk. I hope you can find a way to tell your parents not to control you. Also, I hope karma hits you like a bus.

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And finally, we get to the last one that we are going to simply call J. You were an interesting one. I met you at an anime convention and we started talking. When I went to "hang out" with you, it should have stayed that way. Over the time that we had a long distant relationship, there were all sorts of red flags that I ignored. And the moment that you moved in is when