Tickets to the Circus

As if moving into a new apartment wasn’t difficult enough, what with the address change and new phone number, we get stuck with a number that is almost exactly the same as Ticketmaster’s number. When we were first issued the number, I thought we had hit the jackpot because it is an extremely easy number to remember.

Then I got our first call. We had just had the number turned on and hadn’t had the chance to give it out to anyone yet, so I thought it was a bit odd that we were getting calls at all. I knew enough to know that phone numbers get recycled and that it was probably someone looking for the person who used to have this number. I almost let the machine get it, but I was a little excited about having a new phone number. I get excited about little things like this, a new phone number was a little like a new identity to me, and my new identitity was cool and easy to remember.

“Hello,” I said as I picked up the phone. There was silence on the other end.

“Hello?” I said again, this time I got a response.

“I want to buy tickets to the circus.” Said the voice on the other end.

“Good for you,” I said, a little perplexed. I have been the victim of a lot of prank phone calls, but I never heard that one before.

“Are tickets to the circus on sale yet?” Asked the voice, it sounded like a young kid. Probably someone who shouldn’t be calling to order tickets with a credit card in the first place.

“I don’t know,” I said, more confused than before.

“Is this Ticketmaster?”

“No, it isn’t. You have the wrong number.” I said.

They hung up without saying anything else. I naively thought it was just a random wrong number. I didn’t know what Ticketmaster’s phone number was and I had no idea it was so close to our number. I hung up the phone and started looking through the manual the cable company had given me with our new phone service. Then the phone rang again, it was the same person looking to buy tickets for the circus. I briefly thought about taking his credit card number and telling him that the tickets would be waiting for him at will call, then going on an online shopping spree. But I am not that kind of person, so I told him that he had the wrong number again. He let out a groan and hung up.

Not ten minutes passed and the phone rang again. This time the caller ID displayed a different phone number.

I picked up the phone and said, “Hello?”

“Hi,” The voice was female this time, and sounded very cheerful, “I’d like to order four tickets to the circus.”

“I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.” I said.

“No,” She said, “I dialed the number correctly.”

“Well, I can’t help you get tickets to the circus, so you must have the wrong number.” I said. I was a little taken aback with her assertiveness that she had the right number. This was probably a professional soccer mom that wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Is this ___-____?” She had said our new number.

“Yes, but it isn’t Ticketmaster.” I said.

“Well, what am I supposed to do then?” She asked, “I want to order four tickets to the circus.” She seemed to think that I could just make the tickets appear simply because she had called. What kind of a question is that? How the heck was I supposed to know what she was supposed to do?

“I don’t know what you’re supposed to do,” I almost yelled, “Maybe you should try looking in the phone book.”

“I already checked online and this was the number to call. I can’t believe you don’t have circus tickets.” She said, in a very snotty tone.

“What was the exact number you dialed?” I asked.

She recited the number again, and this time I realized the difference. She had the wrong prefix. I tried to tell her what her problem was, in more ways than one, but she hung up on me before I really had a chance to get going.

Once I got off the phone, I grabbed the laptop and looked up Ticketmaster. Yep, there it was, the exact same number as our new, easy to remember phone number but with 888 instead of a 203 area code. I was crushed. Here I thought we had this great new number, that I could rattle off to people and sound like a secret agent with a custom made hotline.

“If you need to get in touch with me, just dial ___-____.” It sounded so cool, but now I knew that I was just giving them the number to get a great seat at the circus.

On the bright side, I now know when all the popular shows come to town. The circus is a lot more popular than I ever thought it was, people love the circus. I know because half of them called me personally to let me know.

Now we have a message on the answering machine that tells people they have the wrong number if they are looking for Ticketmaster. I recorded the message after a record day of fielding calls for some show at Harbor Yard in Bridgeport, so it sounds like I am extremely pissed and yelling, which I was.

My wife and I are considering calling the cable company and asking for a new number, but we haven’t yet. I am delaying actually calling them because I don’t think I’ll get such an easy to remember number again. Most people hang up nowadays, and I don’t give out the number to too many people. If you want to get in touch with us, just call Ticketmaster.