Things Are More Than Just Things

Things Are More Than Just Things

Author: Michelle Lawless

Introduction

Things can be more than just things.

It sounds simple, I know, but it is TRUE.

Let me explain: Ten years, three months, and I am not sure how many days ago, I was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. For me, it felt like the last piece of my mental health puzzle had fallen into place.

(I got a tattoo of a puzzle piece and that date on my shoulder).

I started reading more about ASD a bit more to gain some more knowledge, and I noticed something: time and time again, I was reading stories involving people who had the seemingly widespread belief that autistic people do not feel anything.

That could not be further from the truth. Although we may not be the best at expressing ourselves, autistic people not only CAN feel stuff- but we also feel EVERYTHING. Intensely.

Feeling things intensely means that our feelings are never simple, and things are not just “things”. I will give you three examples: my weighted blanket, my boyfriend’s t-shirts, and the monkey my boyfriend got me this past Valentine’s Day.

Part I- the weighted blanket and the t-shirts

I have wanted a weighted blanket for awhile, mostly because I suffer from insomnia and they say that weighted blankets will help people sleep better. I was seriously thinking about finally budgeting for one when my boyfriend got one for me this past Christmas.

It helps my insomnia- I started sleeping better almost instantly. Also, I never really noticed until I started using the blanket that I would twitch my feet and legs while I am trying to fall asleep, and that doing this would extend the time that it took for me to fall asleep; now, with the weight on my legs, I fall asleep faster. This means that rather than JUST being a blanket, the weighted blanket also becomes a tool to help my anxiety.

Wrapping myself in the weighted blanket is also quite relaxing and soothing on its own, which helps me process anxiety and panic if I am having an off day. In addition, the weighted blanket was, as I said, a present from my boyfriend, who lives in a rural town while I live in the city. As a result, it can sometimes be a while between times we see each other, so having the blanket wrapped around me will give me the same feelings I get from having my boyfriend’s arms around me, and the helpfulness of that aspect can sometimes be indescribable.

The explanation for my blanket being a proxy for my boyfriend when needed also applies to his t-shirts, because really, what beats falling asleep in your SO’s arms?

Part II- The Monkey

(First, a bit of explanation- my boyfriend is really into cars, and he also worked in an auto salvage yard when I met him. This often meant that he smelled like a greasy garage, so one of my nicknames for him became grease monkey).

My boyfriend and I were not actually able to spend this previous Valentine’s Day together due to COVID-19 regulations in our respective areas; instead, we spent the following weekend together at his place. After he picked me up at the bus station and we got to his house, he handed me the monkey he had got me as a Valentine’s present- a monkey. He specifically said he chose the monkey because he is my “grease monkey.” I immediately fell in love with the thing, and I giggled every time I squeezed the thing and it let out the sound of a wolf whistle and a smooch.

So, since the monkey is representative of my “grease monkey” boyfriend, he became an adorable proxy, one that never fails to make me smile when by boyfriend is not around. It becomes a calming and comforting tool as well when I give it a smooch and a squeeze every day before bed; it calms me down and helps tide me over until I can see my boyfriend again.

Epilogue

I could try to go into more complex explanations of different things, and I could try to give you a minute understanding of how my autistic brain works, but every autistic brain is different and complex, and one explanation does not necessarily translate into another. So, I will leave you with this: we feel, we are in there, and all you need to do to see that is work with us to unlock that door.