The Three Loves Theory

There's a theory, that throughout our life time, we will fall in love three times, at different stages of our lives. Each love feels totally unique from the other and teaches us something different that shapes us into the person that we are becoming. The three types of love are; the First Love, the Intense Love, and the Unconditional Love.

The First Love;

A very fragile and young love. This love feels like a Fairy Tale! Its that all-consuming puppy love and one that, at the time, you think will last forever! often we experience our First Love in High school, and it usually ends because the two people grow apart or because of some rival argument that the relationship simply isn't strong enough to withstand. This love is usually more surface level, with more importance placed on how the relationship might look to others. While it certainly feels like real true love at the time, it's not usually the deep, raw love that you'll experience later on in life. The Heart Break an feel immense, initially, but usually you recover from it quickly.

Love One: Lust; Lust is a feeling that anyone should be able to relate to easily. It comes from the reptilian brain and is pure, instinctual reproduction. Lust is a Yes/No proposition: basically, do you want to have sex with this person at this particular moment? It's instantaneous and based on pretty straight forward physical and behavioral components of attraction. Lust can also leave just as quickly as it came. It's transitory and shift's constantly within a person. It has no attachment or favoritism! It's really as simple as, "Do I want to have a sexual experience with him/her right now?"

Lust is instantaneous and comes and goes constantly. Being very easy to retrieve once lost!

What we learn: That falling in love is the most Incredible Feeling in the World, but not all relationships last Forever! and they certainly aren't always like they appear to be in movies!!!

The Intense Love;

This is known as the second love, and it's usually the One that Turns your World Upside Down! As we fall into the Intense Love story, the relationship becomes a mirror into our soul! We all see our insecurities, our needs, and our desires staring back at us. In this relationship, we experience jealousy, fear, and self-doubt! Something we have never felt before! The relationship comes with massive Highs and Dramatic Lows! We often try to Mold the other half into our perfect partner, and we try to Mold ourselves to become their perfect partner. This is the love that feels like a roller coaster and the one that can leave us feeling guarded, disgusting, distrusting, and hurt! The Heartbreak from this relationship can be indescribably painful, but it is also through this heartbreak that we really grow, mature, change, and evolve while finding the inner strength and resilience we didn't know we had.

Love Two: Passion; Passion is the emotional connection that occurs between two people. It's rooted in the mammalian brain. Two people in passion are considered "smitten." They stare at each other, want to spend every hour of every day together, and stay up until 6 a.m. together talking. Passion is created by having a high degree of emotional chemistry as well as cultivating a sense of "newness" or spontaneity within the relationship. Passion has an incredible power to override a person's logical functioning. It often cajoles us into making less than stellar statements and commitments. Blinded b passion, we get caught up in the moment and project an endless and Utopian future for the relationship. Passion cannot be cultivated without lust, although a couple can remain passionate with one another after the lust disappears.

Passion takes anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to emerge, and it usually sticks around for 3-6 months. In highly compatible couples, it will persevere but still require effort and constant communication to maintain beyond a couple of years.

What we learn: What we do want from love, and what we definitely don't want from love!

The Unconditional Love;

After we have recovered from the heartbreak of the intense love and we have begun to heal, and cultivate self love, then comes the Unexpected love. The one that comes from Nowhere and feels just completely and utterly right. There are no games, and when you are with them you simply feel like you are comfortably home! You embrace all that they are, all their imperfections, and all their nuances. You feel more yourself with them than you ever have before. You constantly inspire one another to be the best versions of yourselves that you have ever seen! When you face an obstacle or a challenge in the relationship, you work together to overcome it because you both are committed to your Future! This is the Unconditional Love that marks the beginning of Forever, and you Thank The Gods, and the Universe every day for bringing them into your World!!

Love Three: Commitment; If two people remain in passion for a long enough time, and there is a long-term compatibility where they can continue to share new life experiences together indefinitely, then the commitment will arise! Commitment is an unbelievably powerful feeling and occurs rarely in life! Commitment is the passion of Love two persists to the point that it's unconditional. Couples that are in love two and not in love three will often feel great until something happens: he loses his job, she has a miscarriage. He/she starts drinking or doing illegal substances. Commitment is when you emotionally accept and love the other person's flaws as much as their strengths.

Commitment arises after anywhere from 1-3 years together and remains for a lifetime. Unless two people grow apart as individuals, in which case it often takes years to undo itself!

What we learn: That true love does exist! That it is possible to feel completely safe, protected, and adored by another human being!