The Silent Stranglehold

I have always had a “complicated” relationship with money. I used to think, “Money isn’t the most important thing” — and I still believe that. But let’s be real: in our society, money is pretty damn important for survival. Like it or not, money equals power. And the person who controls the money? They hold the reins.

Which is exactly why money is one of the narcissist’s favorite tools for control.

In healthy relationships, money isn’t weaponized. Decisions are made together, based on what benefits everyone. There’s fairness, compromise, and mutual respect.

But in a narcissistic relationship? Oh honey, all bets are off. In my experience, financial abuse isn’t just a tactic — it’s the narcissist’s favorite game. After all, they believe they’re entitled to anything they want, whenever they want it. And if they have to be accountable for things like, I don’t know, household necessities? If they have to cut back on their impulse purchases (yes, even that $700 gas-powered remote-control car that will sit in the box, untouched for eternity)? Then brace yourself. Because there will be hell to pay.

And here’s the kicker — they’ll make you believe it’s your fault. You’re bad with money. You’re irresponsible. You’re lucky they put up with your financial incompetence.

I want to tell you a deeply personal story. One I rarely share.

Back in the early 2000s, my teeth started breaking. For no reason. I mean, I literally broke a front tooth in half biting into a soft bagel. (Not even a toasted one!) There were other health issues too, but this? This was devastating.

I didn’t do drugs. I went to the dentist regularly. But in true narcissistic fashion, my husband believed that spending money — my own money — on my health was an unnecessary luxury. Meanwhile, since he refused to contribute financially to the household or his own children (yep, they’re biologically his), I was left scrambling. Scrimping. Sacrificing.

Fast forward 15 years, and the Band-Aid solutions weren’t cutting it anymore. I had a choice: I could go through a series of expensive dental procedures (about $10,000, with payment plans available), or I could have all my teeth pulled and get dentures. At 40.

Forty. Years. Old.

I wasn’t ready to give up my damn teeth. So I tried — again — to talk to my husband. And he blew up. Because, you see, he needed to buy a backyard building for his hobbies. A $16,000 building. And obviously, that was the priority. My inability to save money? That was my problem.

So he bought the damn building. And I had all my teeth pulled.

He didn’t even take me to the appointment. My 17-year-old daughter had to take off school to drive me because, you know, anesthesia and all that.

And five years later? He gave that building to his cousin.

I wish I could say that was the moment I woke up. That I saw the abuse for what it was. But no. Even then, I believed him. I believed I was the problem. That if I could just “figure it out,” I wouldn’t be in this mess. And worst of all? I convinced myself that I needed him. That without his “help,” I’d never survive on my own.

I want to vomit just typing that.

Maybe your situation isn’t as obvious. Or maybe, like me, you’re so deep in the chaos that you can’t see the truth staring you in the face. But if you’ve got even the tiniest nagging feeling that something isn’t right — trust that feeling.

Take this free quiz. It’s quick — like two minutes. And it just might be the clarity you need.

Because if you’re in a narcissistic relationship, chances are you’re being financially abused.

And let me tell you something: You are NOT stuck. There is hope. And you can get free.

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