The Scary, Twisted Twenties

Your late twenties can be a rollercoaster ride. The carefree days of youth are fading, and the pressures of adulthood loom large. You might find yourself questioning your life choices, career path, and personal goals. It's a common experience, and I’m here to tell you that you're not alone.

I used to think I would have life all figured out by my late twenties. I imagined graduating at 23 and landing a "good job" by 25. While I pictured myself as somewhat "rich and successful," I couldn't quite project how I might feel or what my life would actually look like.

Now, I understand that this struggle arises from the hopes and dreams society often imposes on us. By this age, we're expected to have achieved certain milestones, such as being financially successful, getting married, or starting a family.

The underlying assumption is that you should have your life on track by now.

Let's look at three common scenarios you might be facing in your mid to late twenties-

You haven't met any or all the expectations set for you, and you feel like a failure.

Or,

You went on a very different path than you planned, career or relationship-wise, society or convention-wise and you feel like a stranger to yourself.

Or, less likely but possible,

You've achieved all those societal expectations but are now left wondering what to do with the rest of your life.

You might feel like you’re not fully realizing your potential. You may also sense that you can't take risks as freely as you used to. You think to yourself that you can always start from scratch again. Alternatively, you might think, "What if I've already peaked? Am I too old now?”

You remind yourself that you still have years ahead to achieve your dreams, yet here you are, lying in your pjs and binge-watching Netflix again.

You're beginning to shift from a mindset of having nothing to lose to one where you realize you may have something at stake.

Being present on social media now, we are constantly surrounded by the noise of what everyone else is doing. Now we face the unfortunate ability to compare our lives with anyone, anywhere, anytime. Never before have we had so many people to measure our perceived failures or successes against.

Each time you muster the courage to try something new, there seems to be someone doing it better (or at least they feel like they are doing it right). You might feel you're investing incorrectly, applying for jobs the wrong way, working out improperly, following an inadequate skincare routine, or not having enough savings. This can be confusing and exhausting.

It’s scary not knowing what you’re doing, more terrifying not knowing what you should be doing, and extremely exhausting to be unsure of what you actually want to do.

Society often sets unrealistic expectations for this period. We're supposed to have it all figured out by now: a secure job, a stable relationship, and a clear sense of purpose. But the reality is far more nuanced. Many of us struggle with feelings of uncertainty, anxiety, and even existential dread.

Who have I become? What am I doing with my life?

Feeling out of control can feel like being swept away by a strong current, leaving us unable to grasp anything solid to stay afloat. This lack of control can make us feel as though we don’t own our lives, helplessly drifting in a direction we don’t choose.

Am I really happy with what I do?

A lack of contentment can arise when we reflect on our lives and realize we no longer want to follow a certain path. For instance, we may discover that our careers no longer fulfill us, prompting a need for change to regain our happiness.

Am I good enough?

Self-doubt can be a relentless companion, whispering that you’re unworthy of your dreams. But remember, everyone starts somewhere. Growth comes from practice, perseverance, and the willingness to learn from failures. Surround yourself with supportive voices, and be gentle with yourself as you navigate the ups and downs of your journey.

How do I prioritize my well-being? Should I join a gym?

The question is not just about whether you should join a gym, but rather, how you can cultivate a lifestyle that nourishes your body and soul. Joining a gym can be a powerful step towards not just physical well-being, but also mental clarity and emotional balance. However, the decision should stem from a desire to enhance your life rather than a sense of obligation or societal pressure. Ask yourself: What do I hope to gain from this experience? Is it about feeling stronger, and more energized, or perhaps finding a community that shares similar goals?

If the thought of joining a gym feels daunting, consider starting small. You could take a walk in nature, try a dance class, or even practice yoga at home. The key is to find activities that bring you joy and make you feel alive.

As you embark on this path, be mindful of comparison. It’s easy to look at others and feel discouraged, but everyone’s journey is unique. Focus on your progress, no matter how incremental it may seem. Celebrate the little victories, whether it’s lifting a heavier weight or simply showing up consistently.

Should I settle down? What if I’m not ready?

"The One" is a myth. As time passes without finding a perfect match, it becomes clear that no one is flawless. Instead of seeking perfection, choose someone with whom you feel more yourself. The initial excitement fades, but companionship, kindness, and respect endure.

What if I make the wrong choices? What if I miss out on opportunities?

There’s always a leap of faith to take. Life is a series of choices, each one shaping our path in ways we may not fully understand. It’s natural to fear that we might overlook something extraordinary, but every decision carries growth potential. Embrace the journey, knowing that every twist and turn contributes to your story.

What if I never find my passion?

Passion isn’t always a singular, blazing fire; sometimes, it’s a collection of small sparks that ignite our curiosity. Explore different interests, take classes, volunteer, or travel. Each experience adds layers to your understanding of yourself and what truly brings you joy. It’s not about finding one all-consuming passion but rather cultivating a life filled with varied pursuits that resonate with you.

What if I change my mind?

Change is a fundamental part of being human. Our desires, values, and goals can evolve as we gather new experiences and insights. Allow yourself the freedom to pivot when necessary. Embracing change can lead to unexpected opportunities and a deeper understanding of who you are and what you truly want from life.

Am I doing this life right?

Ultimately, there’s no definitive answer. Life is not a checklist to be completed but a tapestry woven from our choices, experiences, and relationships. Trust yourself to make the best decisions in each moment, and remember that the journey itself is as important as the destination. Embrace the uncertainty, for therein lies the beauty of living authentically.

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written by erinys ♠