The Recital

She was definitely nervous. She had never done something like this before. She thought “is this too weird for a first date?”, especially with all the effort she had put into it. It was not really something you heard of people doing on a first date. However, with this pandemic and lockdowns, it forced more conversation through texts and video chats.

They had conversed for weeks, so it was not like he was a total stranger. They knew each other virtually. She had also been unwell, so keeping isolated from others was her best option to not getting the virus. But finally she had been vaccinated. The opportunity was upon her to see him in person.

This though was such a ridiculous thing to do, she thought to herself. What if she completely embarrasses herself? All this time. This anticipation. She feared she would blow it and he would be completely unimpressed. Why did she agree to do this of all things? Put herself out there like this?

This was not good. The nerves ran high, causing her to sweat uncontrollably. The pits on her dress were soaked and her makeup kept running. The joys of being autistic with fun sensory issues, leading to overheating especially when her emotions were wild. This was not something in her comfort zone and her body was physically showing it.

Outfit ruined, she had to figure out something new to wear. It was unfortunate, because it was her most comfortable dress, that also seemed to get a good response from others when she wore it. Now, her options were limited. Comfy and stylish were slim pickings in her wardrobe.

She decided first to have a quick shower to calm herself down and wash off the grossness on her body. However, getting out caused even more panic when she realized the time. She needed to hurry. What to wear? What to wear? Oh, the blue dress. It’s not as sexy as the purple. More cute than sexy. Still nice though and well received.

She quickly got ready, even when a poke in the eye from the mascara almost derailed her again. She needed to breath. Just breath. “It is going to be fine. If it sucks, it sucks. If it doesn’t, well great and we celebrate,” she thought as she tried to get herself composed.

It was time. Time to head out for her big performance. She almost forgot the most important thing of course – her ukulele. Imagine after all this time, all that practice, and she forgets the instrument she needs to even do the thing they have planned. Plus, after all the effort he put into getting the place and setting up, to not show up ready to go, that would not come off as a good first impression.

She grabbed her ukulele and ran out the door. Frantically pressing the elevator button, she impatiently wondered what was taking so long. The sweat lightly coming back as she worked herself up. Breath. Just breath.

Eventually getting down to her car, she setup her music to listen while she drove. It was the song on repeat. Over and over. Playing while she made her way to see him for the first time in person. Not only had it been a while since she spent time with another human, but it had also been years longer since she done anything close to romantic.

It was not since her last love laid his hands on her, that she had been intimate. The thought of getting close to someone made her skin crawl for the longest time. However, after years of therapy and healing herself, she was ready. Of course, her body decided to start breaking down on her just as she is mentally ready to go again.

She could feel it in her hip. It was terrible today, because of the wretched rain. The rain almost seemed to make it throb, burn, and itch more. She did not desire being a man, but sometimes being a woman just was not her thing. Of course, if she wasn’t having this issue, then being a woman would be perfectly fine to her.

Still dating at her age, while never really having a relationship that lasted longer that 18 months, her condition made it difficult for people to stick around. The depressive state her mind would get into. If only she could find someone strong enough not to take it personally when she had to go dark and be by herself. Maybe he was the one? Or maybe he would just be a fun distraction with a good memory attached.

She drove up to the little theatre he directed her to. Now her nerves led to her freaking out that maybe he was going to kill her? That he is just this serial killer who has these elaborate plans where he woos a girl for weeks, lures her to an interesting date, and then just slaughters her.

She shook her head, remembering that they are linked on social media with a few mutual friends. He is literally in a photo with that guy from college who ruptured his back when he decided to jump off a roof onto a trampoline. They went to high school together. That was basically her first conversation with him. Also, his face is on a bunch of posters for plays at this theatre.

Getting out of the vehicle, she started to head towards the building. She paused for a moment, as she again forgot the ukulele, this time in the back seat. She hurried to the car and grabbed it. Then hurried to get inside. She was a few minutes late and started to sweat threw her blue dress now.

“Fuck,” she says out loud, as she rushed to get to her date.

Walking in, she discovered a trail of luchadore masks leading to a door with a sign that says “This Way to Stage.” She chuckled as he remembered her love of pro-wrestling, and how flowers often give her headaches. Oh, sensory fun.

Inside the theatre, it was completely dark, except for a spotlight on the stage where a chair and a mic were setup. She walked in, with the light glaring in her eyes. “Hello?” she called out, with her hand on her forehead to protect her from the brightness.

“Well hello my dear, you’ve made it,” a deep voice from the darkness. “Are you ready for our little recital?”

“I am. I still though can’t believe I am doing this,” she proclaimed.

“Oh, you will be fantastic. I am sure of it,” he reassured her. “Plus, this was your idea to get you back into practicing.”

“I know, I’m just nervous,” she admitted.

“Just breath,” he advised.

Taking a few deep breaths, she sat down and adjusted the mic. She took out her ukulele and tuned it a bit. Another few deep breathes. Then, she began. Her fingers touched the strings, and the music just started flowing out of her. She sang:

When you were here before. Couldn’t look you in the eyes. Your just like an angel. Your skin makes me cry.

He watched her from his seat. With a bright smile on his face, he watched in wonder as she sang. Her long brown hair, flowing down the sides. Curly and bouncy. Her olive tone skin, looking smooth as silk. He was in awe, maybe love at first sight. She continued to sing:

I’m a creep. I’m a weirdooo. What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here.

He thought though, that she did belong here. She absolutely belongs. His heart was filled with joy at how well she was doing. How beautiful her voice was. As she completed, he stood up and gave her a standing ovation. “BRAVO!” he yelled as she shyly bowed.

He jumped up on stage and then quickly ran to the back. As she waited, he strolled out with a cart filled with goodies for them to enjoy. “That performance definitely deserves a reward,” he said. “And I have just the drink to celebrate with.” He pulled out a bottle of wine.

“Oh, what is this?” she asked quite curiously.

“A merlot, for you my dear,” he told her.

“Oh, you remembered my favourite kind of wine!” she gleefully said.

“Yes, it is from Marilyn Monroe Wines and I got it because she was a talented beauty, just like you,” he flirtatiously explained. “And it’s called – Marilyn Merlot.”

She laughed, “oh man, that is clever.”

That would not be the only time that night he would make her laugh. The chemistry just felt so strong between them. All her worries that haunted her seem to disappear. The pain that was in her side, subsided. It was as if there was nothing even there that was the matter. Until of course he inquired about it.

“So, what is this illness you have again that is causing such pain?” he asked.

“Endometriosis,” she said.

“Explain this more,” he further probed.

“It’s where the same lining tissue in your uterus grows outside of that and like onto your ovaries or fallopian tubes. It causes a lot of pain. Right now, it’s also pinching nerves which is bothering my hip and leg,” she explained.

“Aw, is it very painful right now?” he asked.

“Not so much at the moment. The doctor provided pain meds, one being for nerves. Plus, also, you’re sort of keeping my spirits up as well. Making me feel good,” she elucidated.

“I’m glad I could help. It makes me happy to see that bright smile of yours,” he gushed. “Well, you just let me know what you need, and I’ll make it happen. Anything that you need to help you through this.”

She smiled at him with red blush pouring over her face. It had been a while since anyone made her feel this special. For some time, she felt pretty worthless and with everything that was happening, it was hard for her to find her worth on her own. She did not have the energy.

She knew that loving yourself was important. However, what was also important was human connection. She witnessed how even others, not just herself, were suffering from the lack of socialization. Of having to be without and pushed into isolation. She was already isolated due to her conditions as it was. The pandemic only added another layer that was close to breaking her mind.

That is why it was nice to finally see someone in the flesh for her. To be able to reach out and feel another person. To be able to hold them, kiss them, even make love to them. To be with someone on such an intimate level, especially after all this time being confined inside. The fact it was with someone who seemed so kind and a positive person to be around, just made the feelings that much better.

Finally, a glimpse of hope was there. A feeling of happiness was upon her. If only she could hold onto this moment forever, as he looked into her eyes as they talked. She was usually uncomfortable looking into someone’s eyes, but his were so amazing, she could not stop.

They drank the Marilyn Merlot, while sitting on the blanket he had laid down, and conversed on all the topics they could think of. From politics to religion to the philosophies he found in Rick and Morty. No matter what it was, they just seemed to click on it all.

Then, he leaned over and kissed her. From there, the physical connection could not stop. His hands seemed to hit all the right places in the right way. He had a touch that was neither too light nor too hard. It was just right.

He laid her down onto the blanket and pulled up her dress. His hands slid up and her took off her underwear. He then started to kiss inside her thigh, leading himself down in between her legs. He massaged her with his tongue, until she reached a moment of bliss she had only been able to give herself for much too long.

After he satisfied her, the made love on that stage. That stage where she challenged herself and gained some confidence again. Where she was celebrated. Where she was able to see someone in person again. Where she got to feel amazing. She could not remember the last time she felt that way. She wanted to keep that feeling forever. If only she could.