The Race Within

Race. Everything has always been a race. Why not keep running? He had run toward opportunity and from possible disappointment. Craig had always known to have a chance he needed to run.

Hurt. He hurt all day, everyday. The pain was like a shirt he put on every morning, although this one had never been removed. Never.

Sadness. Craig sat staring at the crack on the wall. Why was everything always so broken, why couldn't something be surprisingly complete, functioning and ok? The notification buzzed him out of his thoughts and back into reality. Was this a better place to be than his much more occupied head space? That ponderance will have to wait.

Craig hopped on his bike and rode to pickup his first delivery of the day. Typical cuisine of most- hamburger and fries. The delivery went well enough, even a small tip. A few more months, with enough tips Craig could get a better bike and better riding clothes.

While riding back he noticed a newly opened resale shop. Upon entering the shop he saw the normal somewhat tattered clothing, but there was a nice waterproof coat. The coat was black and looked to be somewhat older but of good quality. The fit was slightly baggy but good enough. He had always felt that everything he deserved did not have to be nice or new or of good quality or anything really. Craig had nothing and deserved nothing because he was nothing. He was told that and even without the words, he knew that. So this coat would be another example of his daily life, it was there, it was damaged, but it was still functioning. Five dollars later he had a nice "new to him" coat. After another delivery and miniscule tip Craig reached in his pocket to count what would pay for his one meal that day. His fingers felt the paper and metal coins and a small piece of cardboard.

Craig pulled everything out and saw a small playing card sized black book. A small tear in the coat had contained the book. It was definitely crafted with care with a leather cover and thick parchment like pages. He flipped through the curious find and found it empty. Wordless, unused, unwanted. A very familiar feeling. Although the last page had one notation. It read, "You are so important, so loved and so necessary in this world. Unexpected kindness and love is everywhere, now go and absorb it. Begin by showing your love and returning this book to it's owner".

Craig rode his bike back the next day to the site of the resale shop. The building was vacant. "But they had just opened, how sad", Craig thought. He turned the doorknob and it was unlocked. He entered and spotted a small black item under the window on the floor. It was another black notebook. He opened it confusedly and saw it was also wordless except for the last page had only five large words, "I love you. Thank you".

What was this all about? Thank you for what? Craig bent down to place the book back and felt something ever slightly poking out of the back cover. After carefully inching the paper out he saw it was money. Twenty thousand dollars….and a small note which read, "Craig you are more than your pain, you are so loved. Stop running and just be. JUST BE".

Tears erupted from Craig's tired stress filled eyes. Thirty years of nothingness left his body. After hours of variations of joy, sorrow, and regret he took his first real breath. This breath was full and without any hindrance. Craig was now okay. Better than okay. He was here right now and he was here in his mind and in his body and he loved it…..