The Only Lie I Ever Tell Women

"Honesty is the best policy" is one of my favorite expressions. I love honesty.

The word "seduction" gets a bad rap because it's often associated with deceit and coercion. When I use words like "seduce, seduction, seducer," however, I'm not talking about that at all.

If someone asked you if you liked chocolate cake, you said yes, and they skillfully made a beautiful chocolate cake and invited you to eat it together, is that deceitful or coercive? No.

That's how I see seduction. No lies or deceit or coercion or dishonesty needed.

I am honest with women. I also avoid white lies and lies of omission. The core of my seduction "technique" or "tactic" is authentic expression. A friend with benefits once described me as an "honest player," though I'm not so keen on the word "player" since I don't like the idea of "playing" people.

If I'm flirting with a woman, I oftentimes tell her directly that I'm flirting with her. I'm upfront about things she might not like about me. I'm unapologetic with the truth.

There is, however, one lie that I tell women.

Some context first:

Ciaran Callam recently wrote this piece about what to do when things seem like they're getting hot and heavy, but the woman says "No" right at the last minute. His advice:

When a woman says no, stay calm, be respectful, and reassure her that it's completely okay

Excellent advice.

It's a lot easier to feel turned on and ready for bedroom action if you feel safe and comfortable. That's true regardless of gender.

We men oftentimes forget about this because we pretty much always feel safe compared to women. Comparatively, women are almost always on high alert because life in general is just more dangerous as a woman.

The most dangerous thing to woman is man.

She's totally justified in prioritizing her own safety by being sensitive to any potential warning signs a man might be giving off. The most common one in these situations is pressure.

You need to make her feel comfortable by being relaxed and not desperate. You need to be detached from the outcome. You need to truly be OK with the possibility that absolutely nothing is going to happen that night.

If you're able to do that, the chance of something happening that night shoots up like your medical bill after breathing the same air as a doctor in the United States.

I really should have used a sexier metaphor. Sorry.

What does any of this have to do with lying to women?

Ciaran was talking about times when things started to get hot and heavy, but was met with some resistance or hesitation right before things would normally progress to sex.

I actually don't encounter those kinds of situations anymore because of my "lie." What I do pretty much prevents this sort of situation from even happening in the first place.

Let's rewind a bit.

Let's say I'm on a date with a girl and we're vibing.

1. We're flirting with each other and conversation is going well. It's clear that we're attracted to each other, and she's probably open to the idea of getting physically intimate.
2. She doesn't feel any pressure because I have an abundance mentality and I know how to think like a woman.
3. I invite her back to my place (or wherever there is a bed) but, before we enter, I tell her something along the lines of:

"Just because we're going here doesn't mean we're going to have sex."

This is a lie.

Why? Because I know that she's going to make it happen. Because she wants to. How do I know this? Because I said this line.

It's also because I'm not really lying. I am truly leaving myself open to the possibility that we might not end up wrestling in our birthday suits, and I am expressing that I am more than comfortable with that.

It's also part of the flirting dance itself. Like a fun bit of reverse psychology.

Every time I have said something like this before getting to a place with a bed, the woman ended up being more proactive or enthusiastic about escalating things further while we were making out or cuddling.

That's actually one of the many "secret techniques" discussed in Never Lonely: The Uncensored Guide on How to Attract and Be Loved by Women.

So, if you'll allow me to insert a groan-inducing callback to the medical theme I brought up earlier, if the "cure" to "last minute resistance" (that's what the PUAs called it) is to lay off the pressure, my little "lie" is the vaccine.

But then again, is it really a lie?

Certainly not in the subtext of what's communicated in that context. You could simply see it as a way to express that you understand how a woman's sexuality works, that consent is never guaranteed ahead of time. It's a way to express that you're on the same page regarding that, and that you're not going to pressure her.

If you clicked on this article to find out some manipulative way to lie to women in order to beat them in some stupid game you made up in your head in place of building an equal partnership, let me tell you this right now:

It is in your best interest to live a life more aligned with authenticity.

Being a real seducer isn't about tricking women into bed or trying to bypass consent in any way. You're going to be much, much happier if you know that a woman is opening up her mind, body, and soul to you because she really wants to.

That is the only true path to love. And if you think about it, isn't that what you're really after?

This article was originally published on Medium.