Think Like a Woman, Act Like a Man

I know this topic is going to rub some people the wrong way.

They'll say I'm part of the problem for perpetuating gender stereotypes, for daring to say that women and men have some differences that cause them to generally think and act in different ways.

I'm not so sure about that. Hear me out.

What do I mean by "think like a woman?"

Put yourself into a beautiful woman's shoes for a moment.

How does her life experience differ from yours (as a man), and how would that shape the way she thinks?

If you're a woman reading this, the first thought in your mind will probably be about the struggles you face, such as constant harassment and objectification, and how men have the privilege of living safer lives. I think that's an important problem we need to change on a societal level, but that's not what I'm addressing in this article. You're not my target audience, but welcome anyway.

If you're a man reading this, the first thought in your mind will probably be about the struggles you face, such as the ever-present fear and pain of rejection, and how beautiful women have the privilege of being desired by default.

Living life as a man who has had to put a lot more effort into getting attention from the opposite sex has inherently given you more of what's called a "scarcity mentality."

It means that you think of every chance you get to interact with a woman as a scarce resource. It makes you desperate. And that desperation is unattractive.

A beautiful woman, on the other hand, has more of what's called an "abundance mentality" when it comes to potential boyfriends or lovers.

It means that she thinks of interactions with men as an abundant resource. It makes her chill. It's the secret to how she can "just be herself" around men.

She isn't so attached to the outcome like someone with a scarcity mentality.

If you can embrace this abundance mentality just like beautiful women do, it will automatically reflect in your behavior, and that behavior will be infinitely more attractive to women than that of a scarcity mentality.

Even if you don't realistically have as many current options as a beautiful woman does (I know you don't have thousands of unchecked DMs from thirsty women who want to get into your pants), you can still get to this abundance mentality by accepting and embracing the fact that you have more opportunities than you could ever handle in your lifetime.

You could go outside and easily meet three new women every single day, resulting in meeting more than a thousand women in a year, assuming you don't live out in the middle of nowhere where the population of women is like two.

With those numbers, even if you do nothing else to improve yourself and your flirting skills, you're bound to find more success than ever before.

Yeah, you'll probably get rejected a lot.

And it will hurt. And it's scary. But that's where the second part of this formula comes in: act like a man.

What do I mean by "act like a man?"

No matter where the concept of masculinity came from, whether it's nature or nurture, most of us can agree that courage is a fundamental component of it.

We've all heard how courage is not the absence of fear, but being able to act in the face of fear, or some other variation of that saying. Lot of famous masculine role models have said something to this effect.

Courage is something that must be developed through practice, and not doing so is a denial of your masculine calling.

I could sit here telling you so many things in an attempt to make women seem less scary. I could tell you that they're just little girls who could never even physically overpower you like the dangerous beasts our ancestors successfully fought off. I could tell you that she's more scared of you than you are of her. I could tell you that the worst things she can do is say "No."

None of that will change the fact that putting yourself out there to potentially get rejected is scary.

So, you must learn to be courageous by making a habit of acting in spite of fear. It means becoming more proactive overall.

They say it generally takes 21 days to change a habit, which is why I said that number in the subtitle of this piece. Studies have shown that it can range from 18 to 254 days for a new habit to become automatic. Since you don't necessarily need to master a skill to the level of unconscious competence to experience success, I'd say 21 days is a fair estimate.

All you have to do is to practice courage every single day for those 21 days. In that time, you should do the following scary things, no matter how scared you are:

• Approach women
• Lead conversations with them
• Flirt with them
• and more 😉

A good way to practice courage is to keep a "fear journal."

Most men who are "unsuccessful" with women are thinking like men and acting like women.

If thinking like a woman in this context means having an abundance mentality when it comes to dating, and acting like a man in this context means being guided by proactive courage, thinking like a man here means having a scarcity mentality, and acting like a woman here means waiting to be receptive and reactive instead. Don't do that.

Not sure how to end this article. Thanks for reading!

This article was originally published on Medium.