The Old Trick of Psychiatrists to Quickly Gain People’s Trust

There is a misconception that trust can only be built over time, but research in psychology suggests otherwise.

In the book "Friend and Foe" by Maurice Shveytser and Adam Galinsky, the author argues that there is a way to quickly gain trust in such a way that you are perceived as a trustworthy person at first sight.

"Surveillance effect" - in psychology is the increase or decrease of a person's attractiveness after a person makes a mistake. The authors point out that demonstrating minor flaws, such as pouring coffee on yourself or throwing a pencil down intentionally to attract attention, are ways to make yourself more accessible to others.

There is a common belief that trust is something that builds up over time, step by step. It is also believed that you can disclose personal information exclusively to a close friend or family member you have known for many years. But here is one of the most important ideas in the book by Maurice Shveytser and Adam Galinsky, psychology professors reject this idea. These psychologists claim that there is a scientific formula for quickly gaining people's trust.

The secret is to simply find a balance between warmth and competence so that you look trustworthy at the same time. How it works: You assert your authority and then become vulnerable.

This idea is described in a 1966 study by Professor Emeritus Elliott Aronson of the University of California, Santa Cruz. He and other researchers have found that "leaks" or minor defects can increase people's attractiveness.

During the experiments, student volunteers listened to recordings of individuals who would have been selected for the test team; however, some candidates made a very serious impression, while others did not differ at all. In some cases, a candidate spilled coffee on him.

The results showed that students were more attracted to candidates who had a serious impression than those who were less impressive, but they liked serious candidates, even more, when they poured coffee. To illustrate how this theory will work in the real world, the authors used the experience of psychiatrists, whose job is to encourage people to reveal their anxieties and insecurities hidden within them.

One of their former students, a psychiatrist named Tom, used one of his three tricks, specially designed for new patients: he dropped a pencil, told a stupid joke, or spilled coffee. It seems that Tom's patients were already impressed by the diplomas on his wall, which testified to his competence and authority.

After all, Tom's goal was to show some vulnerability and to show that he is susceptible to some weaknesses. This combination of skill and sincerity made him look like a trustworthy person in their eyes.

You can independently apply the method described by Swiss and Galicians, the essence of which is that highly qualified people may seem more accessible and reliable, being somewhat clumsy or stupid. Because of this, they seem vulnerable and emotional.

"The effectiveness of this strategy rejects the broad hypothesis that trust is built slowly over time," the authors write. "By looking vulnerable, you can gain confidence in a shorter amount of time."

The secret is that you have to show competence before showing vulnerability, otherwise the formula will not work.

Moreover, you have no right to prove your vulnerability in a way that calls into question your jurisdiction. For example, a surgeon cannot throw away his instruments, so he can show his clumsiness.

To summarize: if you want people to trust you, first impress them with your knowledge and skills, then show them that you are a person too.

It's about giving people a complete picture of your abilities and all your personality traits, and finally letting them decide for themselves whether they can see you as a trusted person or not.