The Narcissist’s Playbook: Psychological Tactics They Use to Manipulate You

I never thought I’d fall for a narcissist’s tricks—until I did. Their charm was so strong, their confidence so magnetic. But soon, their true nature was revealed—a master manipulator who thrived on control and chaos.

Narcissists use many tactics to keep you off-balance and under their control. Once you know these tricks, you can take back your power. Here’s how they play games and how to fight back.

1. Love Bombing: The Illusion of Perfect Love

In the start, a narcissist showers you with love—too much praise, grand gestures, and love declarations. They make you feel like the most special person. My narcissistic ex moved fast, talking about marriage and an unbreakable bond within weeks.

But love bombing is about control, not love. They give you so much attention to make you emotionally dependent. When they pull back, you crave that initial feeling, making you easier to manipulate.

How to Counter It:

• Watch out for relationships that move too fast.

• Look at their actions, not just words—are they consistent?

• Set boundaries early to avoid emotional overload.

2. Gaslighting: Making You Question Your Reality

Gaslighting is a sneaky tactic. They deny what they said, twist facts, and make you doubt your sanity. I once confronted my narcissist about a lie, only to be told, “That never happened. You’re imagining things.” Over time, I doubted my own memory.

Gaslighting makes you doubt yourself, making you rely on the narcissist for truth. It keeps you submissive and confused.

How to Counter It:

• Trust your gut—if something feels wrong, it probably is.

• Keep records (texts, emails) to prove reality.

• Get outside views from trusted friends or therapists.

3. Triangulation: Creating Jealousy and Competition

Narcissists love to make you jealous. They might flirt with others in front of you, talk about past loves, or hint at someone else’s interest. They aim to make you feel insecure and desperate for their approval.

I remember my narcissist casually mentioning a coworker’s flirting. It made me anxious, jealous, and more determined to win their love—exactly what they wanted.

How to Counter It:

• Don’t play their games.

• Remember, their need for validation is endless—you can’t win.

• Focus on your self-worth instead of competing for their attention.

4. Hoovering: Sucking You Back In

Just when you think you’re free, a narcissist might come back with apologies, promises to change, or dramatic pleas for another chance. This is called hoovering—like a vacuum, they pull you back in.

After months of no contact, my narcissist sent a heartfelt message: “I’ve changed. I can’t live without you.” For a moment, I almost believed them. But hoovering is about regaining control, not love.

How to Counter It:

• Stay no-contact—block them everywhere.

• Remember their past behavior; they rarely change quickly.

• Lean on your support system when you feel weak.

5. The Silent Treatment: Punishing You With Withdrawal

A narcissist often uses silence as a weapon. If you upset them, they might ignore you for days or weeks. This makes you want their attention back.

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. It makes you fear their disapproval, leading you to be more compliant in the future.

How to Counter It:

• Don’t chase them—their silence is a manipulation tactic, not a reflection of your worth.

• Use the time apart to regain clarity.

• Consider whether this relationship is truly healthy for you.

Breaking Free From the Narcissist’s Playbook

Narcissists thrive on control, but their power depends on your participation. Once you recognize their tactics—like love bombing, gaslighting, and the silent treatment—you can refuse to play their game.

I wish I had known these red flags earlier. It would have saved me years of self-doubt and pain. But knowledge is power. If you’re dealing with a narcissist, trust yourself, set firm boundaries, and remember: you deserve respect, not manipulation.