The Marital Couple - From Marriage to Divorce

The couple's relationship satisfies the physical and mental normality of the two partners: biological needs (food, sex, shelter), security (reduction of fear and anxiety), friendship needs to be materialized in the formation of feelings of love and mutual acceptance, communication, etc.

In the situation of not satisfying these needs, the human individual experiences the lack of emotional support, the lack of the feeling of belonging, the lack of sharing his feelings and beliefs, sometimes reaching the most serious form of loneliness: suicide.

The couple's relationship has preoccupied many specialists over time. According to R.J. Sternberg, it has three dimensions: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Intimacy, passion, commitment

Intimacy refers to the closeness between two people and the self-disclosure of each partner. Passion focuses on the motivational aspect of the couple's relationship. It refers to physical sexual attraction. Commitment or mutual respect is the rational aspect of the relationship, the responsibility that the two partners have for each other.

Starting from the presentation of these three important conditions of a couple of relationships, we can say that? many couples do not meet. Lack of intimacy can lead to a crisis: the two partners conclude that they have nothing in common. It often happens that one of the partners hides from the other aspects of daily life.

For example, the husband no longer tells his wife who he met during the day or what he did at work. The consequence: a wall appears between the two partners, who find that they have nothing more to say to each other.

Authentic love affair

Passion decreases over time, leading to divorce if at least one of the partners no longer feels the desire to be with the other. The lack of the third condition of the couple's life - the responsibility towards the other partner, can later lead to the installation of a plateau phase that will continue with the deterioration of the relationship.

A patient told me in one of the counseling sessions that although he cares for his partner, loves her, and is honest with her, he does not want to take responsibility for the relationship, in other words, to marry her. As such, a couple's relationship should meet all three of the above conditions. Only then can we consider it a true love affair and the relationship will last a lifetime.

Life decisions

Psychological research shows that among the underlying causes of divorce in contemporary society, the most common are: jealousy, money, sexual dissatisfaction, differences of opinion on the division of roles, violence, and alcoholism. Clinical data show that most relationships were built either based on similarities between the two partners or because of the complementary aspects of the two - the opposites are attractive.

They attract each other by having the same conception of the world and life, similar personality traits, opinions, and similar values. Complementary personalities are unilateral personalities, they complement each other. For example, if one of the partners wants to dominate and protect the other, the latter only accepts if he needs protection. If he also wanted to dominate, the two partners would not get along.

Case Study

There are two important decisions in a person's life: choosing a profession and choosing a partner. I have known people who cursed their days when they went to work, precisely because the choice made was the wrong one. Imagine that these people come home and unload their bag with problems on their other partner or child. A fifty-year-old patient told me that she could no longer bear her husband's problems at work because she was negatively charged, creating a state of mental discomfort.

That patient is on the verge of divorce. Then imagine that you have a suitable job and when you come home you find a person as cold as ice, neurotic or absent. How would you feel and think about the situation? One patient told me that "everything doesn't make any money if it's not going well in the family." The patient was on the verge of divorce when he came to therapy, although he did not want this situation.

The situation becomes even more complicated when there is a child. I am not in favor of maintaining a defective marriage just for the sake of the child who may be more affected by the given situation, given the quarrels between the two parents than if they divorce. But at the same time, do these couples have to think? more to the decision to divorce. If they can't solve their problems on their own, they can call on the help of specialists.