The Love You Deserve Starts With You

When we think about how men “measure up,” we often picture physical strength, resilience, or toughness. But real strength isn’t just about muscles or endurance. It’s about how they show up in life’s most vulnerable moments. It’s about presence, about love, about stepping in when we feel like we have nothing left to give.

I remember when I was six hours into labor with our firstborn. Exhausted. Drained. Ready to give up. The contractions were relentless, and for a moment, I thought I couldn’t do it anymore. The pain was overwhelming, and fear crept in, whispering that I wasn’t strong enough to bring this life into the world. But then I felt his hand in mine my husband, standing beside me, unwavering.

He didn’t just hold my hand; he held my heart in that moment. His words, spoken softly yet firmly, reminded me of my own strength. “You can do this,” he whispered. “You are stronger than you know.” His presence wasn’t just comforting; it was life-giving. He spoke life into me at a time when I felt completely depleted. He wiped the sweat from my forehead, never once leaving my side, never once making me feel like I had to bear this weight alone.

And that’s when I realized love, real love, is about showing up. Not just in the easy moments, not just when things are going well, but in the raw, exhausting, soul-stretching moments where we feel like we have nothing left to give.

But if I’m being honest, I didn’t always know how to receive that kind of love.

When my husband and I first got together, I struggled with accepting his affirmations, his prayers, the way he poured into me so effortlessly. It wasn’t because of anything he did wrong. It was because I didn’t yet know how to love or affirm myself. His love felt foreign, almost uncomfortable, because deep down, I hadn’t yet embraced the idea that I was worthy of being loved like that.

I questioned it. I doubted it. I pushed it away at times because a part of me feared that if I let myself believe in it, I might lose it. I had spent so much of my life believing that love had to be earned, that it came with conditions, that I had to prove I was worthy of it. But that was a lie I had unknowingly carried for far too long.

See, we can’t fully receive love if we don’t first believe we deserve it.

It was through my relationship with God that everything changed. It was through Him that I learned to see myself as worthy, as beloved, as enough. That self-love didn’t just transform the way I saw myself it healed me. It reshaped my marriage. It allowed me to receive love fully, without hesitation or doubt, and in turn, it helped me give love in ways I never had before.

I began to understand that love isn’t something we have to chase or prove ourselves worthy of. The love that is meant for us, the love that is deep, real, and unwavering, comes when we first recognize our own worth. When we accept that we are already enough, already loved, already whole, then we stop settling for anything less than what we deserve.

That’s why I always say: if you want love that uplifts, prays for, and affirms you, it starts with how you love yourself. You can’t expect someone to pour into you if you’re rejecting your own worth. You have to affirm yourself the way God affirms you. Speak life into yourself. Love yourself the way He loves you. Because when you do, you open the door for the kind of love that will strengthen you, pour into you, and reflect the goodness God has for you.

So I’ll ask you how do you love yourself? Do you speak kindness over your own heart? Do you remind yourself that you are worthy, that you are loved, that you are enough? Because the way you see yourself will shape the love you allow into your life.

Love isn’t just about what you can take; it’s about being ready to pour out and receive in return. If this resonates with you, if you’ve ever struggled with this, let’s talk about it. You deserve a love that builds you up, but it starts with you.