The Long Marriage

The Long Marriage

Bill and Mary filed onto the plane and made their way to the back.

The back was where Mary liked to sit and she got the same seats every single time they flew as she liked to be first off after landing.

Bill shuffled along behind her, and mouthed apologies to every passenger his wife smacked in the face with her oversized handbag. She was oblivious and he wasn’t about to tell her. They hadn’t actually spoken since they got in the cab to the airport at 5.45. They certainly HAD been speaking from about 5.20 to 5.45. Loudly. Bill had fucked up. He knew it. She knew it. But she’d had such an overreaction to such a small little oversight that he couldn’t bring himself to say sorry.

The alarm had gone off at 5 and there wasn’t much to do except get dressed and put the bin out before they left so he’d taken a longish shower and had a wank. A great start to a vacation.

He’d been in the bathroom, bleary eyed and brushing his teeth when she had come in to join him and they’d stood, side by side looking at the other’s reflection in the mirror.

‘Nice shower?’ She’d asked him.

Fuck, he thought, she knew about the wank. He felt guilty momentarily that she’d been up earlier and had packed the bags, but he’d make it up later, when they got the hire car and HE did all the bag lifting and driving. She was testing him.

Did she know? He dug in and ignored her implication.

‘’es love.’ He said with a mouth full of foamy toothpaste.

‘’ovely. ‘hanks for the lie in.’

Mary narrowed her eyes but didn’t respond. Lazy shit she thought.

‘Are you nearly ready? The taxi will be here soon and the bin needs to go out. I just have to brush my teeth and I’m ready’.

He nodded yes, but gave an eye gesture that suggested his actual response.

Mary reached for her toothbrush but her hand or eyes couldn’t immediately find it. She hadn’t packed it already. It was ALWAYS the last thing to go in.

Bill leant over and spat into the sink, rinsed his mouth, and popped the toothbrush back in the glass. Her toothbrush.

They realized at the same time.

Her mouth opened, wide. Her nose scrunched and a mix of outrage and hatred swept across her face. It was a slow motion, and silent initial erruption, but the facial expressions were enough. Fury followed by repulsion. She was repulsed.

‘Oops’ Bill said.

What was the big deal? He thought. He used that toothbrush all the time. He wondered for a moment if he could push the idea it was his toothbrush and then convinced himself it was his toothbrush.

‘What the fuck are you doing? That is my fucking toothbrush. AAAAAAARGH!’ Mary exploded. It was as if she could feel her mouth rejecting her teeth. Like a body rejecting a transplant. The trusted relationship she’d had with her toothbrush, HER toothbrush, gone.

Bill wasn’t sure which line of defense to choose and only decided as he started to speak. ‘Err Mary, that’s MY toothbrush. I’ve been using it for a year!’

‘WHHHHHHHHHAAAT?’ Mary exploded.

Oh dear, he thought. Bad idea, even though now there was no doubt in his mind that it was his fucking toothbrush and she should fucking apologise for using HIS toothbrush.

They’d shouted, stormed off, come back. Each one confident in their righteousness and determined to get the last word, until finally the taxi had beeped outside and they’d rush around to get out of the house.

The bin stayed where it was, in the kitchen.

On the plane, they found their seats and settled in. They’d both softened somewhat but neither appeared ready to break the stalemate.

Bill picked a movie and Mary decided to nap.

She turned to Bill, annoyed she had to speak to him but knowing she wouldn’t sleep unless she’d reminded him.

‘Don’t wake me up when they come round with the visa form. You can get them and fill them out.’

She pulled her eye mask down, wedged her knees up against the chair infront and out she went.

Bill could never sleep on planes. It was the only time he got to watch whatever shit movie he liked so he did. One after the other, abandoning any discerning taste he had.

After a couple of hours, Mary felt a hand on her shoulder.

Her right leg had pins and needles and her neck was sore but she was not ready to wake up. The hand on her shoulder gripped tighter and shook her a little. Where the fuck was Bill she thought.

She pulled up her eye mask and looked straight into the eyes of a lady who she presumed was cabin crew but who was leaning in so close to her, all she could see was face.

They stared at one another, and Mary felt like she’d missed a question and was expected to give an answer.

The face spoke first and didn’t break eye contact. ‘Danish?’

Mary had no idea what this word was for a moment.

Her mind was still groggy from the nap and she was struggling to make sense of her current situation.

The face spoke again. ‘Danish?’

Arrgh what the fuck? Disoriented, Mary turned to look at her husband for assistance. Bill looked at his wife and gave an ‘I don’t know’ shrug.

Mary turned back to the face. God she was still there and still really close. What did it want?

She replied, slowly and very carefully. Emphasising all the letters in the word.

‘ENGLISH’

The lady pulled away and stood up tall, to reveal the breakfast cart behind her with coffee, tea and a tray of Danish pastries.

Mary cringed.

‘Oh, no thank you’ She said, and turned back to Bill hoping he had somehow gone back to his film and missed the humiliation.

His cold face from the morning, now warm with delight. He was euphoric. His shoulders were shaking and his eyes were watering. He was trying to say something but was laughing so hard now, he couldn’t speak.

‘What! Bill. BILL. What?’ Mary asked.

‘Engliiiish’. Bill said. And Mary burst with laughter.

They laughed together. And as they laughed, they liked each other again.