The Little Late Book

Ahh Halloween. Who doesn’t love a crisp, cool night riddled with vampires, werewolves, demons and, best of all, candy! Being a 23 year old adult out Tricking for Treats may seem a bit sad but in reality, who doesn’t want to occasionally relive a childhood moment or two? When fate ends your vertical advancement at a whopping 5’2”, why not don a hockey mask, Shatner face, or just a cowl with a cape and roam the streets seeking, with the darkest of hearts, candy. Lot’s and lot’s of candy!

Dana was just such a “lady”, hates that term but she’s a little too old for “girl” and “woman” is definitely out so “lady” it is. Like a Knights and Dragons drama, if a ten year old girl can be a “lady” then that’s fine. Being a small adult has downsides, she tends to attract pedophiles that don’t understand their nature yet and you’ll never be able to ride some of those rides. There are upsides though, shopping in the “childrens” clothing section can save you real money, especially if you hit “back to school” sales!

The Halloween in question was especially chilly and “Frannie Krueger” (as she likes to think of herself) is underdressed for the temperature. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on your perspective) one of the neighbors had set up a “terrifying” Scarecrow in the front yard. A glorious Jack-O-Lantern perched atop a cross sporting a coat and shirt stuffed with pillows. Hay would have been so much better but what can you expect from people living in the ‘burbs?

Now, Dana is warm and cozy in a (gently used) warm coat. What does one do, when one dons a new coat? Well, what do people do when a guest in a bathroom? You go through the medicine cabinet. With a coat you go through the pockets!

And in a small pocket, alongside the left breast, Dana finds a Little Black Book.

She considered tossing it aside. Not really her concern after all but as much as she hated to admit it, Dana was actually a good person. She happened to be friendly with the owner of the coat and, in all likelihood, would return it one day. It would be embarrassing to discard some of the property that she had stolen before returning most of the property that she had stolen.

*Kind of gives you a headache, doesn’t it?*

Upon returning home, there was the sacrificial feasting upon the helpless Sugaries. The Brown Bits of the Caramel Lands, the Forbidden Sumptuousness of the Dark Choco-continent, The sweet yet rock hard, tooth chipping joy of Butterscotch, even the breath freshening peppermint...harbinger of the holiday treats. Once the sugar induced coma had worn off, Dana became curious about the Little Black Book, and dug it out of the coat pocket.

Strange. Pages with names, very familiar names. Phone numbers, dates, more names as well and with very odd side notes. Notes like, “sunny day”, “gyros”, “operator”, “walk of fame”, “mommy” and others.

Weird. “Well, really none of my business anyway” she thought to herself. Little did she know…

Moments later, as if by fate, Dana tuned into the local news only to see her neighbor, Lenore, taken away by police in handcuffs, branded as a “Millionaire Madam”.

Taking a second, more thoughtful, look at the book Dana realized that she was looking at the names of famous, infamous and notorious persons. Persons that were very much in the public eye either for their fame in the media, notoriety, nefarious activity, or political prominence. The ”codes” alongside the names in the book were indicative of the peculiar proclivities of the client. “Sunny Day” = no raincoat, or condom. “Walk of Fame” = Porn Star etc...Admittedly, Dana didn’t know what many of the terms meant, and she felt pretty good about that!

This find could have been a wonderful boon to any who found it or, more likely, a doom. The names of powerful rich and famous persons, political giants, Hollywood superstars and underworld kingpins. Dana is no fool, selling this to the highest bidder could net a serious chunk of change. On the other hand, letting anyone know about this possession could easily lead to an early, anonymous, shallow, backwoods grave.

Local, and then National news soon confirmed...Dana’s neighbor Lenore is actually a Madam to the rich, famous and filthy who is now subject to prosecution. Worse yet, subject to pressure to reveal her “client list”. A police investigation had uncovered her business endeavors and, at the same time, revealed a few of her clients. Of course, law enforcement was pressing her to offer details and testimony in exchange for a gentler penalty. Naturally, while the “good guys” dangle the leniency carrot, the clients, most of them anyway, chime in with everything from high powered defense attorneys to thinly veiled threats.

Not surprisingly, law enforcement had a good eye on the premises in question. Additionally, electronic security of the brothel itself exceeded most (if not all) law enforcement standards. As such, the identity of the coat purloiner was easily deduced to be none other than Frannie Kreuger. A good, though potentially temporary, impediment to the identification of Dana which, at the very least, should help to delay her discovery.

Dana’s no fool, it’s pretty clear that many very powerful people will be looking to recover this tiny little item. There are many things to consider, who is in the book? Who can be leveraged for being in the book? Everyone in the book.

It isn’t long before the Madam begins dropping hints with regards to her client list, her Little Black Book. The media reports her intimations but she (unsurprisingly) fails to deliver anything corporeal. Nevertheless, those who are associated are now motivated, more than ever, to recover the tiny tome. At the very least, there were a lot of people with upwardly trending blood pressure. Clients, past and future, members of the media hoping to “break the story”. The justice system community, eagerly looking to grab a slice of the press frenzy along with a promotion or an election. Even the average citizen felt a quickening pulse over the anticipation and excitement!

Dana flirted with a few strategies. Sell the book to a local “Newschannel”? No, you can really only trust the media to twist facts into the highest ratings possible. Sell the book back to the Madam, or just give it to her and hope to avoid the whole mess? Pretty hard to walk away from a payday like that. Besides, even though the Madam is out on bail she’s under a microscope. It would be nearly impossible to speak with her unnoticed. With the contact information of the clients firmly in hand, a solution soon presented itself. Of course, blackmail leaps to mind but is almost instantly dismissed. Even if it weren’t distasteful to the point of being repellant, the rich and powerful will hire bloodhounds to track down a blackmailer. Making a tidy profit while hardly inconveniencing anyone might just work out for everyone.

A few days later a rideshare/package delivery driver approached the home of the patriarch of a local family famous for producing steel and rang the doorbell. The note contained in the package was simple:

“For the low, low of price $1,000 I will sell you, and you alone, your pages of The Little Black Book. In 48 hours a driver will come to your home and expect a package. The contents, or the existence of the package are up to you. If the package is satisfactory, you will receive another package in return”.

Two days later, Dana was counting (and striping with a counterfeit checking pen) 10, crisp $100 bills. Hours later, “Mr. Steel” was relieved to open an envelope with three small pages of notes and a folded sheet of paper with the following message:

“Congratulations! You needn’t worry further as I am true to my word. It does occur to me that, among the names in this book, there are likely to be competitors or enemies whose pages you might like to purchase. This information could be for sale, provided they haven't been paid for already. Instructions on contacting me follow…”

Struggling with the happy quandary of where to stash her new, small fortune Dana thinks to herself:

“Just 19 more to go and I’ll have my down payment.”

Then it’s back to the book to find the next whoremonger!